Turning heads (and stomachs) since they first hooked up last winter, Eli and Peaches are now past tense.

Maybe it was the age difference, but far more likely, once the thrill of bumping uglies with each other finally wore off, Eli realized they just didn’t have that much in common, let alone much to talk about it.

Paris Hilton has depth compared to Peaches (Tweet below not withstanding).  Just sayin’…

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It has it all. Politics! Has-beens! Never-weres! Dancing! Drama!

Last night on Dancing For A Cheque, Mama Grizzly Sarah Palin showed up in person to support her tubby little cub, Bristol the Pistol (I kid you not, this is what Sarah actually called her).

Bristol actually wasn’t bad, but the drama actually revolved around Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough.  Sarah was introduced right after they finished and the judges had given them their score.  The spin host Tom Bergeron and ABC is giving is that the audience was booing over the pair’s score of 24 out of 30 for their routine.

Maybe.

But!  If you look at the expression on Sarah’s face in the video, the boos seem to be having a bit of an effect on her.  Maybe the audience just didn’t like her ensemble?

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According to some 26 year old hooker that sold her story to In Touch Weekly, he did back in 2007.

Irma Nici says that she played with Becks personal soccer balls five separate times three years ago and was paid $10 grand a piece for services rendered and one assumes, her silence.    

Irma says Becks was a 7.5 as a lover (when I first read that, I thought it meant something else entirely), and one time kind of burned himself when he used perfumed hand lotion to grease himself up, if you know what I mean and I think that you do.

Not satisfied with telling tales out of school, Irma also claims Becks confided in her, saying that he liked Posh better when she wasn’t quite as skinny and that “he is more of a butt man than a breast man”. 

Oh.  Snap.  

Meanwhile, Posh and Becks have gone on the defensive, having their spokesminion contact US Magazine to issue a denial saying that the hooker, InTouch, and the story are all full of BS. 

Legal action is also being apparently being taken as well.  Isn’t that what they all say or threaten to do?  If (and that’s a major “if” given Beck’s history) the story’s not true, by all means they should sue the magazine and go after the hooker while they’re at it.  If the story is true, well, guess the next move is Posh’s to make isn’t it?

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This does not bode well.

When the psyophant of the tabloids says there may be trouble in paradise, chances are there’s at least a kernel of truth to some of the rumours floating around.

Of course, People doesn’t come right out and say Ashton is f*cking around on Demi, leaving that to the latest issue of Star, (which claims that 21 year old Rachel Uchitel wanna-be has now provided them with “proof” of her hook-up in the form of text messages that are supposedly from Ashton) opting instead to go with the more gentle approach of saying the marriage is under strain because of the rumours.

Radar has also entered the fray, saying that this Brittney Jones character (aka Rachel Uchitel wanna-be) has already hired a publicist and a manager and that she comes from a “family of gold-diggers”.  Sounds like someone plans on launching a career in the entertainment industry based on a scandal.

Give it til early next week and Gloria Allred will be probably be involved in this mess too.

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Looks like The Situation isn’t the only cast member to start branching out. Word is Playboy is offering Jenni Farley (J-Woww of the New Jersey Wowws) a cool $400 000 to bare it all in an upcoming issue of the magazine.

Put down your eyedrops.  Nothing’s been signed as of yet and J-Woww’s contract with MTV may prevent her from showing everything she has to offer.  Rumour is she’ll still earn at least $200 000 for appearing in the magazine, but the price will go up depending how much augmented orange skin she agrees or is allowed to show. 

$200 000 minimum?  Woww.

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Real Housewives of DC is the only version of the franchise that hasn’t been a runaway hit for Bravo, and speculation is that it has to do with the Sahali’s involvement. 

Adding to that there’s increasing tension with fellow cast member Lynda “dealing with second tier seemed so unnatural” Erkiletian, who’s been complaining to people about the Salahi’s publicity stunts. 

The Salahi’s have also accused Bravoof keeping them from telling people what really went down the night of the White House State Dinner they crashed last fall (The Salahi’s were likely behind the idea but the camera crew was probably only too delighted to tag along for the ride), irritating the high foreheads at the network.

Most recently, Michaele announced she has MS and has been living with the disease for years.  She wouldn’t lie about something like that.  Would she?

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Partying (when she wasn’t going to AA meetings).  Need you even ask? 

Apparently realizing that since she’s going down, she might as well make it worth her while (other wise known as saying “f*ck it”), Lindsay spent part of Friday night at a Yom Kippar house party in LA with some hot Israeli lesbian before continuing the festivities at The Beverly Hills Hotel.  Guess she’s been banned moved on from the Chateau Marmot.

While the excuses/denials will probably be coming from Lindsay and Dina regarding this fiasco soon (if they haven’t already) you just know when celebrity ass kisser People is the one reporting it, chances are it’s true.

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Well!  Absolutely no one (meaning absolutley everyone) saw this one coming.

After hiding out in Costa Rica for the past few weeks and getting himself busted for gun possession, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have reconciled.  It was during Spencer’s all to brief ordeal (he was only held for a few hours) that the two supposedly reconciled.  We can all breath a sigh of relief now that their impending divorce is now “on hold”.

As for that sex tape that Spencer was trying to sell to Vivid Entertainment, there’s been no further info regarding it.  Meanwhile, that Playboy playmate that Heidi fooled around with for the sake of the camera is now in talks with Vivid to have the sex tape she made with her Oxycontin selling boyfriend Sam Jones III released.

As for Speidi, I’m sure they’ll find some way to get mentioned in the media again before too much time passes, although at this point, anything short of murder probably will only register as a blip.

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Apparently, it’s been a slow news week, so People stuck Kate on their cover in a bikini and interviewed her to answer those burning questions that have kept us all awake at night (sarcasm) such as, “Did she have work done?” (Botox and a boob job, although Kate will  probably deny it.)  “Who the hell cares?” (No one with a life), and “Why is this woman still famous?” (An unsolveable mystery).

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The big question is why?

Normally I don’t pay attention to the bottom feeding tabloids, as their stories are usually about as real as an episode of The Hills.  However, the response from the people involved with the last story about them seems to have prompted Star Magazine to come up with a full size cover story this time around. 

This is going to get good, I can tell.

Earlier in the month, Star Magazine reported that some anonymous eyewitness saw Ashton Kutcher stepping out on Demi Moore with a blonde piece, having a full make-out session of the bathroom of a restaurant/club in LA.  Highly unlikely, right?

Ashton got on his Twitter account, denying the whole thing and alluding a lawsuit might be in the works.  Then Demi got in on the act, echoing his Tweets and posting a picture of herself in a bikini as if to ask “who in their right mind would step out on this?”

Sidenote – to quote Bill Maher, “men want new sex (that is, sex with new people) the way women want new shoes” (except for us gays, who want both).  Sure you have a perfectly good pair at home that will fulfill your needs, but anyone who’s taken psychology or economics will tell you wants are stronger than needs.  Just sayin…

Anyway…back on topic.   Guess Ashton’s lawyer didn’t agree as there’s been no word of a lawsuit (you just know TMZ would be on that the moment papers are filed).  Now it looks like Star has taken this as either a sign of weakness or open season on Demi and Ashton’s relationship, with a new cover story saying Ashton stepped out on Demi with yet another woman, some 21 year old skank that says they did the deed in the couple’s living room.  Classy.

As they say, the ball is in Ashton and Demi’s court now.

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