…On the plus side, they’re both (officially) available.  Let the stampede begin!  

Word via TMZ this morning that Jersey Shore’s Snooki has given her boyfriend of two and a half months, Emilio Masella, the heave ho.

Apparently, the self proclaimed “Princess of F*cking Poughkeepsie” felt there was only room in the relationship for one shameless famewhore and she wasn’t about to share.

Some source close to Snooki (J-Woww or The Situation) says that she thought Masella was cheating on her and even worse, was using her for fame.  No!  Really??  I am shocked and appalled.

Masella tried out for the next season of MTV’s The Real World (is that still on?) and when Snooki found out, dumped his ass via Facebook. 

Masella responded to TMZ in an e-mail that reads like it was written by Courtney Love.  “All i kno is she was upset i tried out fornreal world nd left me a message sayin im single. Next i kno i wake up this morning and facebook says im single.”

It’s safe to assume Snooki wasn’t with him for his brains.

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Apparently, Keifer got dragged out of a strip club in London in a headlock by security shirtless, incoherant, and bombed out of his mind around 3:30 am.  Word is that the actor was becoming a little too excitable for the establishments liking, so they escorted him out.  Eventually, he stumbled back to his hotel arriving about a half hour later.

Keifer’s just lucky he wasn’t arrested again.  In 2007, he spent 48 days behind bars for a DUI, and last year was invloved in a head butting incident with a male fashion designer and Brooke Shields.

Weird.

.

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How cool is it that Elizabeth Taylor Tweets?  Guess eight times down the aisle was enough.

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You know your dress is way too tight when bending over to pick something up is a real challenge, if not a complete impossibility.   Luckily for the now single Kim Kardashian, some random guy was there to save the day for her.

Kim getting up or sitting down at a table must be an interesting ordeal to watch.

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Ouch.

 Page Six is reporting that Ed Westwick has broken up with his Gossip Girl co-star Jessica Szohr by phone.  Apparently, word got back to him in England (where he’s currently filming a movie) that she was being flirty with some rich kid at her birthday party and he was none too pleased.  

In a scene straight out of Gossip Girl, Jess took off for London with nothing but the clothes on her back to beg forgiveness and patch things up.  How dramatic.  Good luck with that, as Ed’s apparently the biggest diva and drama queen in the cast. 

Jess’ spokesminion says the story is bogus and she just went over to celebrate her birthday with him. 

Anyone else suspect this may be at least partially staged to help increase interest and ratings for their show?  Gossip Girl isn’t what it once was…

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This makes your average celebrity Twitter war pale in comparison.

Eli Roth, the actor/director with a penchant for snuff like films who’s currently dating 21 year old celebutard Peaches Geldof (Bob’s daughter) has written an open letter and posted it to his MySpace page to the mother of a one night stand of Peaches that went public with the details. 

Back-story: According to Ben Mills, sometime this past November, he and Peaches met at a friends place, got drunk, then got high (on heroin), then did the nasty. 

The night somehow ended at a Scientology Centre the next morning with Ben throwing up in a sauna (don’t ask).  Of course they took pictures of themselves, which, class act that Ben is, he provided along with his tale.

  BTW – Despite both Peaches and Eli’s protests to the contrary, your eyes don’t end up like that only from booze – just sayin’. 

Since the story broke, Peaches has been let go as a model for some underwear line she was a model for, the company claiming she doesn’t represent a “positive role model” for young women to aspire to.  (Oh please, like she was a poitive role model prior).

Eli, demonstrating the maturity one would associate with a 37 year old man that dates a 21 year old not so ex-party girl, has come out swinging in her defense from the get go and has now stepped it up a notch.

In a prime example of the kind of extremely long winded, anger filled letter you don’t send or post until you’ve managed to calm yourself down, Eli first mentions who Peache’s father is, then lists her accomplishments (none of which probably would have happened without her father’s celebrity or are as noteworthy as Eli makes them out to be), then goes into great stalker worthy detail about Ben’s failings (expelled from university, trouble with the law) and provides actual hyper links to Ben’s mother and brother’s Facebook and Twitter accounts. 

WTF?

Eli finally wraps it up by basically telling the woman her son needs help probably because she’s a sh*t mother.

No, I’m not making any of this crap up.  Guess this is what masquerades as gallantry in some circles of Hollywood these days.

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Good news for Jennifer Aniston.  Looks like she’s finally going to be usurped as President and reining champion of the Sad and Lonely, Broken Hearted Club of Tabloid Covers by none other than Sandra Bullock.

Granted, the situation is quite different (dumped for another woman who wanted children as opposed to being married to an ex-biker who was pulling a Tiger Woods and possibly leaving him) but tabloids are very single minded with this sort of thing.

Will Jen take this lying down?  Or will she do something to ensure she appears on the covers again?

Stay tuned….

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A casting call has gone out for extras for the new Pirates of the Carribbean film about to begin production this summer, but what makes this one particularly interesting however, is that the requirements are as follows…beautiful female fit models. Must be 5ft7in-5ft8in, size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.”

Wait, it gets even better.

Apparently, there’s also going to be a “test” for the ladies.  Supposedly, candidates that get called in must jiggle and jog for the casting department before being hired.  The rationale being the less jiggling, the more likely there’s implants.  Wonder if rejects will be told “Thanks for the mammarys” before being shown the door?

You just know some denied hopeful is going to complain of being sexually harassed over this (the whole thing sounds like a lawsuit just waiting to happen) and try to sue Disney for millions, assuming of course, the studio actually manages to find any actresses or models that don’t have fake tits. 

It’s practically a prerequisite for living in southern California.

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Looks like the Government of India dosen’t have the time or inclination to put up with Lindsay Lohan.

Back in December, Linds went to India while on a tourist visa instead of a working visa to appear in a documentary on child traficking for the BBC for some unfathomable reason.

No one would have been the wiser, except she kept seending out Tweets during the six days she was in the country, during which time Lindsay managed to try to take credit for saving 40 children (before her plane had even arrived), completley typical behavior for her.

As for the documentary itself, while it’s heart may have been in the right place regarding the subject matter, but having a strung out D-lister giving such insightful commentary as,  “The parents aren’t necessarily in the wrong…the children are obviously not in the wrong…um…ah, the traffickers are the ones in the wrong, because they know what they’re doing, and anyone who says that they don’t know? I mean, come on.”

Like, wow, man.  I mean, come on.

Activists complained about Lindsay’s attempts to take credit, and now authorities in New Delhi will see about blacklisting Lindsay so she can never darken their door again. 

Hmmmm.  They might be on to something there.  Just sayin’….

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He’s a cute kid, no?

Must be awkward to be on the cover of magazines and be in the midst of a promotional blitz for a movie, only to have the thing pushed back four months due in part to an already over-crowded spring.

Such is the case with Shia LaBeouf, who’s gracing the cover of the latest issue of GQ Magazine to promote Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. 

Worst.  Title.  Ever.

Guess Wall Street 2: Gordon Gecko Got A New Face While In Prison was too long.

Still plan on seeing it though.  What with the economic crisis being caused in large part due to various white collar criminals and their patented brand of f*ckery, the movie is pretty timely.

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