Here’s a prediction, this will not end well.

After having a staggering 10 “procedures” in one day and walking around LA looking like a puffy blow up fem-bot, Heidi Montag-Pratt has given her manager husband the heave ho, opting to be managed by a psychic named Aiden Chase from Malibu.

Speaking to People, Heidi said, “After the incredible experiences I have had healing my life and truly connecting to my dreams with healer intuitive Aiden Chase, I have officially asked him to become my manager.  Having an intuitive psychic leading my team gives me an edge no one else has.  No longer is my husband the face of my business or managing my career, I am going to have Aiden Chase help manage my new life and career in a very different and positive way with light and love. The time for change is now. Never mix business and pleasure. We are no longer Speidi but Spencer and Heidi.”

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried (it’s also very hard to type laughing).

An interesting choice of words there, considering that Heidi’s face really isn’t her face any more either. 

Guess she wasn’t happy with the 600 or so copies of her debut album Superficial sold, or her husbands reaction to her new and ”improved” look.

Heidi says she is excited for her future and the “bright successes” coming her way, having now “cleared out all the negative energy” in her life.

Let the countdown to an affair/separation/divorce begin!

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Why did ABC pick Kathy Ireland, an ex-model, Dancing With The Has-Beenscast-off, and entrepeneur, to interview celebs walking the Red Carpet just prior to the Academy Awards?

People have been asking if she was on something.  Kathy kept moving her arm for EMPHASIS! and even more annoying OV-ER A-NOUN-CI-AT-ING EV-ERY WORD.  I worked with somebody like that and you can’t take your eyes off their mouths when they speak.  Horrifyingly hypnotic.

It was cringe inducing, embarrassing and hysterically funny all at once.  Seriously, check out Morgan Freeman’s friend in the red dress, she looks like she’s about to crack up watching her. 

When Kathy interviews Zac Efron, her OV-ER EN-THUSI-ASTIC approach is even worse (or better, if this gives you the giggles).

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 As always, there were some cringe inducing moments during the Academy Awards.

The absolute best one (or worst depending on how you look at it), was when the documentary short Music For Prudence won. 

Producer Roger Ross Williams accepted the Oscarand began his acceptance speech only to be interrupted by a large woman wearing an ugly purple number and orange hair who pulled a Kanye West.

Turns out her name is Elinor Burkett, a co-producer who worked on the film, which she and Williams had been feuding over. 

According to Salon, she left over “creative differences” (meaning they hate each other).  Gee, can’t imagine why.  Needless to say, her sudden appearance on stage was neither planned nor appreciated by Williams, but unlike Kanye’s victim Taylor Swift, no second chances were given to him. 

Would have loved to see what happened after the pair were ushered off stage.

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Also cringe inducing?  George Clooney and the various bitch faces he was making all night.  What was up with that?  Is he fighting with that Italian piece he’s been keeping around?  Was he drunk?  High?  Totally over awards season?  Something seemed….off.

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Speaking of bitch-faces, Samuel L Jackson’s when Mo’Nique won for Precious was priceless.

Don’t know what that was about either, but I’m curious. 

Something tells me Mo’Nique is something of a polarizing person, you either love her or hate her, with very few people sitting on the fence.

Monique’s line during her acceptance speech ”About the performance, not about the politics” was about as disingenuous as you can get (it’s always about the performance and the politics).

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During James Taylor’s tribute to the departed, no mention was given to either Farrah Fawcett or Bea Arthur.  Twitter went off like a nest of angy hornets in response, with people voicing their dissaproval of their absense

Dear Adam Shankman, the Oscars is not a substitute for So You Think You Can Dance. 

That is all.

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You would think after losing that paid escort gig (worth $150 grand) to the Vienna Ball last month because she was too late showing up at the airport to catch her flight she would be more prompt when showing up for various obligations.

You’d be wrong.

Lindsay Lohan was turned away at the Dior Fashion Show in Paris for being strung out excessively late. 

How mortifying!

No doubt her begging, pleading, and probable temper tantrum didn’t pan out for her like it normally does.  Hence the picture of her stomping off looking ready to cut a bitch. 

Heh.  Love it. 

Next week her second collection of skank wear for Ungaro will be shown.  Looking forward to the reviews.  Maybe Lindsay will surprise everyone and….nah.  Expect lots of drama.  It’s the only thing Lindsay consistently brings to the table these days.

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Poor Jon Gosselin (words I thought I’d never, ever type or say).

First, psychotic ex-girlfriend and wanna-be famewhore Hailey Glassman announces to the world that he’s hung like a nine year old (classy!), and went on to post a photo on Twitter claiming it was his penis (since taken down).  I didn’t look myself, as my eyeballs and retinas can only take so much abuse.   

Now Playgirl has come calling, offering Jon $20 k to get nekkid for a photo shoot.  Apparently in the highly unlikely event that Jon agrees to do it (although a cheque is a cheque) and his overlords and TLC sign off on it,  it’ll be more of lark than anything else .

Playgirl spokesminion Daniel Nardicio says if Jon’s interested he should do it.  “I said maybe $20,000 maybe for the novelty factor. No offense, but I don’t think he’s that attractive. People aren’t going to be like, ‘Ooh, it’s going to be a hot shoot.’  I doubt he will do it but I’m sure he would love the attention that Levi got. It would be hilarious, but I’m not going to offer him that much.”

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You have to feel sorry for this guy.

Sven Kramer, the hot Dutch speed-skater who made headlines last week when asking an NBC reporter if she was stupid when she wanted to know his name and what country he was representing after he had just won gold, is now in the headlines again.

He completed the 10 000 meter race in record time 12:28.55 getting ensuring another gold medal.  Only one problem, he made an illegal lane change at his coaches insistence.  Oopsie!

Rules being rules, Kramer’s gold medal has been taken away from him with the top prize going to Seong Hoon Lee of Korea instead.

Kramer’s response to this turn of events was typically blunt “This really sucks.”  Although he showed remarkable composure and restraint (except for thowing his glasses down in disgust and kicking the ice in frustration) considering what happened.

There’s a rumour flaoting around that Kramer hit somebody outside the stadium afterwards.  Another “stupid” NBC reporter?  His Coach?  Quatchi?  Will update this post if anything comes of this one (which I doubt).

Kramer has gone on to say that while he blames his couch, “In the end, it’s my responsibility — I’m the skater on ice, I have to do it.  Maybe it’s best said, ‘We did it wrong.”

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Oooooooh more drams at the Olympic Village!

Scott Lago, the Bronze Medal winner for Men’s Snow Boarding half pipe incurred the wrath of the International Olympc Committie and his Puritan overlords in the USA when TMZ published photos of him and a female fan re-enacting the part of Adam Lambert’s AMA performance that caused such a stink

After apologizing for inappropriate behavior, Lago was given the choice of leaving voluntarily or getting kicked out (which doesn’t really sound like a choice at all).

I could sort of see what all the fuss was about if he was caught actually getting serviced in public, but a couple of suggestive photos?  Didn’t realize a bunch of easily flustered prudes were running the show.  Some people need to remove whatever it is stuck up their asses and lighten up.  Cripes.

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So now it’s come to this.

First we got Viagra, then Cialis.  Lifelines to party boys and men who suffer from EH everywhere. 

Now for those who have the means to go hard but not um… long, we have Ex-tendZe.

Guys who feel they don’t measure up can take this supplement to get a little extra length and girth, supposedly helping turn little sapplings into mighty trees. 

And it was wood.

If this product delivers the goods, it’ll be the biggest seller almost no-one will be willing to admit actually taking (except for spokeswhore Jimmy Johnson).  Someone ought to give Jon Gosselin a heads up.

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With about as much fanfare and interest as the Oscars or the Superbowl Tiger Woods held his press conference this morning.

It went something like this…

“Blah blah blah, my fault, blah blah, rules, values, morals, blah blah, deeply sorry, blah, my foundation, blah blah blah, paps suck, blah blah, Buddhism, blah, might return to golf, blah blah, Thank you.”

Cue eyeroll.

Apparently, he’s on a week’s leave before going back to rehab for further treatment of sex addiction. 

Not sure if I buy the whole sex addiction thing .  Notice how none of the people who claim to suffer from it are ever addicted to having sex with just their significant other (causing problems in itself), but multiple partners, and only claim to suffer from it after they get caught stepping out.  While the behaviors involved might be troubling, this doesn’t necessarily make them addicts so much as just not orientated towards monogamy, a major no-no in much of North-American society whose roots can be traced back to the Puritans (the 17th century version of the religious-right).

How fast do you think it’ll take for one of the skanky hos he hit it with to either issue a press conference of their own or to appear on a tabloid TV show?

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Guess who’s staging a comeback?

After disappearing after his infamous car crash in late November, Tiger Woods has come out of hiding, seen yesterday jogging hear his home in Florida.

After showing the world how not to handle a major scandal (screwing just about every skanky ho that crossed his path and getting caught) now comes the tricky part, the relauch of the Tiger Woods brand.

Step 1.  A well timed photo op (this pic was taken by Team Tiger’s consent and was the only photographer there).

Step 2. Press Conference – this is happening tomorrow.  Tiger will address the issue (no questions allowed).

Step 3 and beyond.  Re-image branding.  Clearly, Tiger’s going to try to prove he’s a committed family man.  Winning a golf tournament or doing well to show he’s still “got it” is also a top priority.  After that, getting some of those lost endorsement deals back or replaced will also be high on the “to do” list.

We may enjoy it when the rich, privileged and powerful fall, (let’s admit it, schadenfreude is the reason so many blogs like this one are popular) but we also like it when those that fall pick themselves up and stage successful comebacks.

Should be interesting to see which of the skanky hos he hit it with tries to cash in on the renewed attention to this story.  My money’s on Faithless Hussy and the porn star.

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