It wasn’t painless but it sure was quick.  TMZ says that Sandra Bullock’s divorce from Jesse James was finalized last week.

Neither one requested spousal support from the other, which helped speed things along.  The reason for the dissolution of marriage was listed as “discord or conflict of personalities”  which sounds way more classy than listing it as “husband screwed a bunch of vile hos”.

Word is Jesse plans on moving to Austin, TX, so his kids from his previous marriage can continue their relationship with Sandra, who can now finalize her adoption of Louis as a single parent.  Sandra’s next project will be another rom-com with Ryan Reynolds. 

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This is going to get interesting.

Remember Mel Gibson’s smug looking baby-mama, and professional gold-digger, Oksana Gregorieva?  When she and Mel parted ways earlier this year, she said rather cryptically, “We have split up, suddenly and recently… Unfortunately, I cannot give you the reason, but you will find out everything quite soon.”

How soon is now?

Apparently, Oksana’s lawyers requested an emergency hearing with a judge Monday, asking for a restraining order against Mel.  Oksana claims he beat her in January, while some source implied to TMZ  emotional and verbal abuse continued to occur after.  If  these claims are true, why didn’t Oksana get a retraining order or go the police the second she left him, or is this just part of her shakedown attempt? (Come on, we knew there was bound to be one).

Meanwhile, realizing things were about to hit the fan, Mel toddled down to the courthouse to get his own restraining order against Oksana, which  includes a gag order (sorry Oksana, no high paying exclusive interviews with the tabloids for you), and grants him access to their daughter, Lucia.  Since the case is sealed, the rest of deets are unavailable.

Cue countdown for a he said/she said battle of words in the media, all attributed to anonymous sources.

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These two famewhores must have each gone running to the tabloids the second ABC gave them the all clear to break up with each other earlier this week.  

According to Star Magazine, Fly-boy Ken (Jake Pavelka) wasn’t interested in Hailey Glassman Version 2.0 (Vienna Girardi)<i>that way</i>(if you know what I mean and I think that you do).  HGV2.0 complains in an “exclusive” interview (giving her best sad puppy-dog face for the cameras) that Fly-boy Ken was only interested in her when the media was around and that they hadn’t been intimate in months.  Cue the countdown for the “Is Jake Gay?” rumours any moment now.

But!

In an exclusive interview with People, Fly-boy Ken says HGV2.0 was pretty much a cling-on, insanely jealous, and didn’t give him breathing room.  Translation: He got bored of her quick after the sex appeal wore off. 

 Meanwhile, US Magazine claims HGV2.0 is something of a skank, saying she stepped out on Fly-Boy Ken, most recently with Gregory Michael.

Hope they enjoy the last precious seconds of their 15 minutes.  Next stop, probably soft core porn for her, and another round in a reality TV show for him (is ABC’s latest spin off on this contrived mess, The Bachelor Pad, still accepting cast additions?)

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Tennis legend Martina Navratilova is paying off ex-partner Toni Layton $3 million in hush money to prevent her from exposing her “secrets” in a long legal match.

The two had been together for eight years, breaking up in January 2008, when Martina gave Toni the heave-ho.  Apparently, Toni didn’t take it too well (or appreciate the $200 000  settlement Martina initially offered).

Toni previously claimed , “There are a lot of skeletons in Martina’s closet. It is more like a storage facility full of them, and I know them all”.

Just remember kids, threatening to expose a person’s secrets for money yourself is a major no-no (extortion is illegal), unless you hire a lawyer to do it on your behalf, in which case any money handed over is called a ”settlement”.  See?  It’s not just how you say it, but who says it that matters. 

Cue stampede of Martina’s previous ex’s to come out of the woodwork, looking for payouts or to sell their stories to the tabloids in 5…4…3….

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Well boo hoo and color me all sorts of shocked (not really).

Fly-boy Ken (Jake Pavelka) from The Bachelor and immediately after on Dancing With The Stars, has broken up with the famewhore woman he chose to be his fiance, Hailey Glassman V2.0 (Vienna Girardi).

 US Weekly is saying the pair’s spokesminion has confirmed to them that the couple has  split up, adding that they “appreciate privacy at this time”. 

Sorry famewhores, no can do.

Most likely, ABC gave them the all clear, as the charade had gone on long enough.  Either that, or Vienna realized she wasn’t going to get any more famous than she was with Jake, while he was already getting bored of her.

Wonder if Vienna’s already hawked the half million dollar rock she got as an engagement ring from Jake (on ABC’s dime)?  She seems to be taking her split from Jake pretty well.  Apparently, Vienna was seen hitting on Greek star Gregory Michael the other night in LA.  She moves fast, no?

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If only some actresses with even less range (cough-Aniston-cough) would follow suit…

The plucky actress, who made a name for herself playing equally plucky characters in TV (What I Like About You), and film (What A Girl Wants, She’s The Man, Sydney White), announced via her Twitter account that she’s quitting acting, writing in a series of Tweets, “I don’t love acting anymore so I’ve stopped doing it. Being an actress isn’t as fun as it may seem.  I’ve never written the movies & tv shows I’ve been apart of I’ve only acted like the characters the producers or directors wanted me to play.”

Her spokesminion has yet to comment on her revelation.  Hmmm.  Maybe Amanda Bynes isn’t as quite as plucky as we thought?

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Looks like the romance between Hayden Christensen (Star Wars) and Rachel Bilson has hit a bumpy batch.

 Us Weekly is saying the two are taking a month break from each other to decide if they should go through with the charade stay together.  Although the report ‘s from one of those anonymous sources, Rachel confirmed that there are currently no wedding plans and showed she wasn’t wearing an engagement ring.

Hayden and Rachel met on the set of the movie Jumper, becoming engaged in 2008 (why does it seem a lot longer than that?) although no date was ever really set.

Better to figure out what you really want before things get too convoluted and messy, no?

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Isn’t that how David Carruso’s Horatio Caine would put it?

Apparently Eddie Cibrian, who joined the cast of CSI: Miami last year has been let go, with his contract not being picked up for another season.

Interesting.

Since the show’s target market is pretty much made up of the Soccer Mom Brigade  was all the drama between Eddie, Leann Rimes, and their respective ex’s, Brandi Glanville (who’s turned bitching about being dumped for Leann Rimes into a cottage industry) and Dean Sheremet the cause?

The Soccor Mom Brigade gets nervous (almost angry) when they hear about a man leaving his wife for another woman.  It’s the reason Angelina Jolie can’t seem to crack that demographic and (to a certain extent) why Jennifer Aniston still has a career.

But I digress.  Moving on.

Eddie and Leann started to have an affair when they met on the set of some cheesy Lifetimemovie a couple of years back.   A picture got leaked of the two kissing at a restaurant forcing them to come clean about their relationship, dumping their spouses for each other in the process.  Crappy, but it happens.  Brandi however, could not seem to let it go.  Besides attacking Eddie and Leann in the media, she was vandalizing property and things  got so bad that Leann got a restraining order placed against her.  (Bitch is clearly not the most stable of people)

So did CBS get rid of an albatross hung around the neck of one of it’s flagship procedural dramas, or is the timing of this completely coincidental and Eddie was let go for budget/storyline purposes?

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Either this is an example of method acting run amok, or Heidi and Spencer have been paying attention to the chatter in the blogosphere about them lately and are taking drastic action.

Late last month, Heidi walked out on her husband, Spencer Pratt, under the pretense that she was finally sick of him controlling her every move and isolating her.  

Word got out that Heidi and an ex-castmate from The Hills named Jennifer Bunney will sharing a house in Malibu where (surprise surprise), a reality TV show will be filmed this summer revolving around the two and their relationships. 

If that wasn’t enough of a red-flag (it totally is), the house itself was rented prior to Heidi’s split from Spencer, with neither of the famewhore’s or Jennifer Bunney’s names signed on the lease, and only for three months.  Just about everyone, including (ex) friends and family, called the split a sham, no more of a desperate publicity stunt to set up the basis of the new show on.

Which is why Heidi went to court yesterday to file legal papers to make her separation from Spencer legal, citing “irreconcilable differences” (although she hasn’t filed for an actual divorce).  Interestingly, the date of separation was listed as June 8th.

Some source (Jennifer Bunney or Spencer?) says that “Heidi would never take legal action unless it was not a stunt”. 

Oh please. 

This is the same woman who claims the producer of  The Hills inappropriately touched her just days after she realized all the press Nicolette Sheridan was getting going after Marc Cherry for assault and wrongful dismissal. 

Short of murder, there’s almost nothing Speidi won’t do to get their names on a tabloid cover and extend their 15 minutes.

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It’s a slow morning for gossip, but this one has a ring of truth to it so bare with me here.  Apparently, Miley and that hot Aussie piece of hers, Liam Hemsworth, have called it quits. 

According to the National Enquirer (insert eyeroll), Liam has moved out of the mansion they shared because Miley was becoming jealous that his career was starting to take off, and he couldn’t handle the interference from her family anymore, especially from Billy Ray.

Yeah, parents who let their 17 year old daughters live with their 19 year old boyfriends can be such a nuisance.

Word is Liam’s moved back in with his older brother Chris, while Miley recently dedicated a song at a concert to someone (not Liam) saying,  ”It’s about two people… They’re always gonna come back together no matter what anyone says or the bad people that try to keep you apart. Surprise surprise, it’s about a Jonas brother…you didn’t hear that.”

Miley used to date Nick Jonas and it sounds like she wants to go back for seconds.  As for Liam, I don’t think he’ll be lonely for too long, do you?

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