I’m back!  Did you miss me?  Enough pleasantries, Lets jump right in…

Looks like Danielle Staub (aka The Joker in bad drag, aka Prostitution Whore!) has been sh*t canned from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

While rumours swirl around as to the whys, who’s, and hows of her departure, word is the other…. um…. ladies went to producers with an ultimatum, either Prostitution Whore! goes or they’d go. 

That threat, combined with the increasingly shady details of Prostitution Whore!’s past coming to light and recent sex tape fiasco, probably sealed the decision for network execs (unless they plan on giving her her own spin-off show).

Stay tuned….

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Marsha Revel, the no nonsense Judge that sentenced Lindsay to 90 days behind bars for probation violation (she gets an A for effort) and another 90 days in rehab immediately after, has removed herself from the case.

Apparently, a prosecutor alleges that the Judge had inappropriate contact with a rep from rehab center Morningside before being convinced to switching Lindsay’s treatment program to the UCLA Medical Center.

Before any legal motions could be filed, Revel removed herself from all future proceedings, handing the whole sordid mess over to Judge Elden Fox.  You just know Dina Lohan is trying to figure out if this is worth celebrating or not.

One Judge’s loss is another one’s gain (I’ll let you decide which is which).

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Looks like the reality of getting dumped by her record label and watching her latest rom-com tank at the theatres earlier this year still hasn’t sunk in just yet.

According to People, J-Lo apparently still thinks she’s living in the year 2000, when she could get away with being a diva.  Apparently, Fox has given her the boot, with a source saying “her demands got out of hand”.

I’m dying to know what it was she wanted, aren’t you?  Here’s hoping someone at FOX leaks J-Lo’s list of “must haves”, they should be good for a giggle or two.

No word who’s going to replace J-Lo (word is Steven Tyler is in, but so far that’s just an unsubstantiated rumour).  Nigel Lythgoe, who’s returned to the fold to produce AI, is supposedly determined to get Paula Abdul back.

Stay tuned….

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A couple of months after announcing that they were on a break, Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson have confirmed that the split is now permanent.

Rachel’s spokeminion bitchily told someone at US Magazine“Yes the engagement is off, therefore so is the wedding” when asked for clarification.  Sounds like someone needs to switch to decaf.  

Distance is being used as a convenient factor in the split (she’s based in LA, he’s based in T.O.), but this seems more like some sort of contract re-negotiation breakdown.  This girl loves to shop, and she hasn’t really been in anything lately.

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After almost 30 years looks like perenially chipper host Mary Hart is ready to move on after the upcoming season wraps.

The leggy host,who joined the show in ’82 when ET was pretty much the only kind of show of it’s kind on the air, says she originally only planned to stay for three years.

The show is almost unrecognizeable from it’s early days, when there where no famewhores on reality TV shows being branded as “celebrities” (when ET refered to Evan Marriot of Joe Millionaire fame as a “superstar” without irony, I knew the show had jumped the shark).

Rumour is Mary and her ET overlords couldn’t reach an agreement in contract negotiations, so she’s decided to pull an Oprah/Tyra take her collection of red carpet gowns and go elsewhere. 

Billy Bush and Access Hollywood better watch their backs.

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Hypocrisy runs in the Palin family, no?

Over the weekend, it was announced that the re-engagement between Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin was off because of ex-girlfriend issues.  Apparently, Levi sprung the news of his possible paternity with an ex-girlfriend the day he and Bristol’s US Magazine cover hit the newstands (this kind of calls into question the ex-girlfriend’s assertion that she hasn’t seen him since high-school).

Bristol complained to People  about her ex-fiance (x2), saying there’s been “no remorse” on Levi’s part over the matter and that she’s only “seen him once in the past three weeks”. 

Bristol clarified the reason for the latest breakup, saying, “It’s over. I broke up with him. The final straw was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family. He’s just obsessed with the limelight and I got played.  Through this whole experience I know I need a man who’s going to be completely honest with me and someone who loves me and Tripp and wants to be with him all the time. I also want someone who has religious beliefs and a good family.”

Anyone else think that Levi and Bristol couldn’t find anyone to pick up that reality show they were so determined to launch? 

As Sarah Palin is breathes a HUGE sigh or relief, and Kathy Griffin works on how to make this into another skit about her, a meeting is probably taking place in the bowels of ABC headquarters with execs debating the following topic, Bristol Palin: the next Bachelorette?

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Do you think Kathy Griffin knows about this yet?

According to E! Online, the engagement is off, but not because of the drama involving The Wasilla Village Bicycle (Lanesia Garcia), pregnant by one of her ex-boyfriends, a list which included Levi Johnston, according to The National Enquirer. 

In a page right out of Mama Mia! WVB is not sure who the father is, although she’s now telling Us that Levi isn’t the father as she hasn’t had any contact with him since high-school and that she doesn’t know how this rumour got started.

Back to Levi and Bristol’s non-engagement.  Word is that Bristol took exception to Levi’s Facebook status with another ex-girlfriend, Briana Plum.  Apparently, Levi’s involvement with his ex isn’t quite as past-tense as Bristol would like and she hit the brakes. 

Neither Levi or Bristol are confirming anything, which probably means there’s a lot of groveling and bickering going on.  After all, there’s a reality show dependent on this marriage happening.

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…From Itself?  Each other?  Not sure how your supposed to use these combined names that refer to two people when it comes to this sort of thing.  Anyway…

Citing irreconcilable differences, Heidi Montag filed for divorce from fellow famewhore and The Hills co-star Spencer Pratt yesterday afternoon.  Both have agreed to a timely dissolution of marriage in an out of court settlement.

Many thought the separation was a publicity stunt to create buzz for a new reality show Heidi was to start filming this summer.  However, Heidi has since dropped out of the project.

Either the pair are taking this stunt to the Nth degree, the seperation/divorce is actually legit, or the marriage itself was a stunt all along. 

Hmmmmmm.

Think about it.  With The Hills no longer in the picture for the pair (they were basically written out mid-way in the final season when they accused the producer of sexually harassing Heidi) there was no need to keep the pretense going as it had served it’s purpose.

Cue countdown for inevitable dating rumours now that Spei Heidi and Spencer are about to become single and on the prowl again.

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No, I’m not being a sacrilegious smart-ass.  Read on.

The best selling author of The Vampire Chronicles returned to the fold years ago, after suffering the loss of her husband Stan, and falling into a diabetic coma.  This raised many an eyebrow, for Anne had been an athiest for years and has an openly gay son, author Christopher Rice.

Always adament that it wasn’t an issue as her son was exactly the way God intended him to be, it looks like some of God’s fan club finally got to Anne.

Yesterday, the author posted a message on Facebook page, saying, “In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.” 

“I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being ‘Christian’ or to being part of Christianity. It’s simply impossible for me to ‘belong’ to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For 10 years, I’ve tried. I’ve failed. I’m an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else.”

Anne announced she had dumped vampires for Jesus, saying she would only write about Christ in 2002.  Anne seems to have had second thoughts and is now working on a series about angels.

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Ellen DeGeneres tenure at American Idol turned out to be a short one. 

Apparently, the talk show host and comedienne never felt comfortable at Fox’s flagship karaoke contest and her rumoured feud with Simon Cowell (they hated each other) didn’t help.  Ellen and her reps supposedly went to the network brass and asked to be let out of her contract one year early, saying she wasn’t happy and “it’s not been fun”.  Yikes.

In a statement posted on her website, Ellen wrote, “A couple months ago, I let FOX and the “American Idol” producers know that this didn’t feel like the right fit for me. I told them I wouldn’t leave them in a bind and that I would hold off on doing anything until they were able to figure out where they wanted to take the panel next. It was a difficult decision to make, but my work schedule became more than I bargained for. I also realized this season that while I love discovering, supporting and nurturing young talent, it was hard for me to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings. I loved the experience working on “Idol” and I am very grateful for the year I had. I am a huge fan of the show and will continue to be.”

There’s nothing wrong with hurting someone’s feelings if they hurt your ears first.  Just sayin’…

For their part, execs at Fox continue to be all smiles, saying how wonderful it was to work with Ellen, blah blah blah, “fortunate to work with”, blah blah, ”incredible spirit”, blah.

Meanwhile, Deadline Hollywood says that Jennifer Lopez has signed on to replace Ellen in a secret deal that was finalized earlier this week.  J-Lo could use the work and the money, seeing how her career hasn’t exactly been on an upwards trajectory lately.  So far this year, she’s been dropped by her record label and her latest movie, The Back-up Plan flopped.

No word if new producer Nigel Lythgoe plans on making “other” changes on American Idol (cough – Ryan Seacrest, Randy Jackson, Karla Diogardi – cough).  Rumour is that Nigel really wants Elton John to come in to replace Simon Cowell (whom he makes look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm), but Elton supposedly wants too much money and has touring committments he can’t get out of.   Boo.

Stay tuned….

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