Do not mess with Uncle Jesse (John Stamos).

The actor (Full House, ER, Glee) was embroiled in an extortion case by two scam artists who claimed to have pictures of him in a compromising situation with one of them late last year.

The pair wanted almost $1 million dollars in exchange for “proof” that  the actor was with then 17 year old Alison Cross, who claimed that Stamos picked her up in a Orlando area bar in 2004 and tried to have sexy times with her before doing coke off of a strippers ass (he was married at the time).  Never mind the fact that the legal drinking age is 21 in Florida and most establishments are very strict about showing ID. 

After four days of testimony Cross and her partner in crime, Scott Sippola, were found guilty and could spend the next several years behind bars.  None of those pictures they claimed to posses ever surfaced. 

John Stamos released a (really long-winded) statement about the case, saying, “I would like to thank the court, the FBI and the US Attorney’s office for their swift and efficient dealings in connection with this case.  I am shocked and perplexed how individuals could fabricate so many false stories in an effort to defend a crime. I agreed to be a witness for a federal criminal prosecution and endured countless false accusations about my behavior and appropriateness.  The allegations made regarding an inappropriate relationship are completely untrue. These slanderous allegations to smear my reputation were part of their defense to redirect attention away from the federal crime of extortion. There was no hot tub, no drugs, no nudity and nothing sexual in nature involved in my friendship with this woman. They lied about everything from a pregnancy to compromising photos. I’m grateful these two criminals have been found guilty and I plan to go home to be with my family and friends and prepare to get back to work.”

I think the Cross and Sippola should be forced to watch every single Olsen Twins movie ever made during their incarceration.  Cruel and unusual punishment yes, but well deserved.

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This just continues to get worse and worse (yet more fascinatingly entertaining at the same time).  

Mad Mel Gibson fresh from having more tapes released of him yelling and screaming at his gold-digging baby mama Oskana Gregorieva, (and using various racial slurs) was dumped over the weekend by his agency, William Morris Endeavor Entertainment.

Depending on who you believe, Mad Mel always planned on leaving the agency after his agent shrugged off this mortal coil (he died July 3rd) or agency partner Ari Emanuel, who’s hated Gibson ever since his anti-semetic tirade in 2006, was behind the split, but had to put up with Gidson’s presence for Mel’s agent sake.

Also?  The police have opened an investigation over the possibility of domestic violence in the Gibson-Gregorieva relationship, apparently expressing concern that she didn’t come forward when the alleged assault took place.

As for Gold-digger, she’s said to have “no idea” who leaked the tapes (sure she doesn’t) but thinks “it’s terrible”.  Well, of course it is!  It’s harder to extort money from someone when what you had on them has been let out of the bag, so to speak. 

Radar  says the reason for all this drama in the first place is that Mad Mel had Gold-digger sign a cohabitation agreement, preventing her from claiming any of his fortune if they went their separate ways. 

Will Mad Mel be able to climb back into Hollywood’s good graces or is he completely done, like a drunken prom queen behind the bleachers?  Will Gold-digger manage to get some of Mel’s money or except for Child Support (which trumps everything) is she SOL?

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This really shouldn’t come as a surprise, should it?

One has-been with a drug problem and a ridiculous story literally stolen from an episode of Six Feet Under (it got even more ridiculous as time went on) and a fame-whoring doctor with a show to produce. 

Jeremy told the world that he was forced to smoke crack at gunpoint and deliver booze to the gang-areas of Palm Springs, but not before the kidnappers dropped off his wife first, because she was crying (and they were considerate as kidnapping crackheads tend to be).  Both she and Jeremy are having custody issues to do with their kid due to past brushes with the law and drug use.

Jeremey’s mother and twin brother even went so far as to basically say his story was a crock of sh*t in the media.  Now Radar is reporting that Jermey is heading to Celebrity Rehab, despite his recent interview with People, where he maintained that he’s sober and still on the wagon (insert eyeroll), even though he was forced to party at gunpoint.

Considering other victims patients of Dr Drew this season will include Tila Tequila and Jason Wahler, the trainwreck potential for this is epic.

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These make that whole “Sugar Tits” thing from a few years back pale in comparison.

As you know, Mel’s ex-girlfriend, professional gold-digger Oksana Grigorieva claims that Mel beat her up this past January, leaving her bruised and with two broken teeth (she left him this spring). Mel and his legal team have denied this, claiming it was only a yelling match, with both sides issuing restraining orders on one another. 

Apparently, Mel is refusing to cough up the money Oksana is likely almost certainly seeking from him, and a tape was leaked to Radar last week, where the actor is heard saying, “You look like a f*cking pig in heat.  If you get raped by a pack of n*ggers, it’ll be your fault.”   

Now another tape has been released, where Mel tells Oksana “You know what?  You f*cking deserved it”, when she asks him what kind of a man would hit a woman twice in the face while holding a child in her hands.

Opps.

Oksama claims that she started to secretley tape Mel after he threatened to kill her.  No word yet if the police or Child Protective Services in Malibu have become involved, but it wouldn’t be surprising if they start an investigation. 

As for the probable shake-down attempt, I don’t think Mel will be forking over any money to Oksana now that she’s exposed him.  Do you?

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Followed by a mandatory stay in rehab.

Citing parole violation and skipping her alcohol education classes, Judge Marsha Revel sentenced Lindsay to three consecutive one month terms (90 days) followed by 90 days of rehab.  Lindsay has to turn herself in on July 20.  Due to overcrowding in the prison system, chances are Lindsay will only serve about a third of her sentence.

Lindsay of course had a hissy fit on the spot , crying, sobbing, and wailing.  Her biggest concern?  Lindsay immediately wanted the SCRAM device attached to her ankle removed (guess she wanted to squeeze two weeks of hard partying in before she goes to jail and rehab) but the Judge refused her request.

No word yet from Lindsay’s uber-stage mother Dina, although her obnoxious father Michael, and the famewhoring Dr Drew were on Larry King last night talking about it.

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This is going to get interesting.

Remember Mel Gibson’s smug looking baby-mama, and professional gold-digger, Oksana Gregorieva?  When she and Mel parted ways earlier this year, she said rather cryptically, “We have split up, suddenly and recently… Unfortunately, I cannot give you the reason, but you will find out everything quite soon.”

How soon is now?

Apparently, Oksana’s lawyers requested an emergency hearing with a judge Monday, asking for a restraining order against Mel.  Oksana claims he beat her in January, while some source implied to TMZ  emotional and verbal abuse continued to occur after.  If  these claims are true, why didn’t Oksana get a retraining order or go the police the second she left him, or is this just part of her shakedown attempt? (Come on, we knew there was bound to be one).

Meanwhile, realizing things were about to hit the fan, Mel toddled down to the courthouse to get his own restraining order against Oksana, which  includes a gag order (sorry Oksana, no high paying exclusive interviews with the tabloids for you), and grants him access to their daughter, Lucia.  Since the case is sealed, the rest of deets are unavailable.

Cue countdown for a he said/she said battle of words in the media, all attributed to anonymous sources.

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…World falls off axis.

Giving her bragging rights (trust, she will about this) Lindsay’s pee pee test came back clean for sweet, sweet, booze after her SCRAM device went off at an MTV Movie Award after party.

Lindsay’s lawyer says her client doesn’t know what triggered it.  Dina Lohan had said someone had spelt a drink on Linds at the party, while Lindsay got herself interviewed by Star Magazine to bitch about all the lies that have been told about her and how it’s hurting her career. 

What?

Either her SCRAM anklet is on the fritz or Lindsay’s figured out a way to over-ride it and pass her tests.  Do they do body cavity searches before she goes into the washroom to do her business?  If not, they way want to start.

Lindsay’s court date for parole violation is July 6th.

UPDATE – Not so fast!  Check this update from Radar that says Lindsay’s “alcohol level ranged from .03 to .04 from midnight to 3 a.m on June 6, during the hours after the MTV awards.” According to a source close to the situation: “There was absolutely no doubt that Lindsay was drinking, and the report that the alcohol monitoring service provided to Judge Revel was very detailed and extremely reliable. The (SCRAM) report also says that Lohan’s SCRAM bracelet had indeed been tampered with, and this is one of the reasons that Judge Revel determined that Lindsay violated terns of her bail.”

Ooooo… the plot thickens (not really)!

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I’ve been going to the wrong places for my vacations.

Has-been Jeremy London (Party of Five, 7th Heaven), is claiming that two dudes kidnapped him outside of a Palm Springs hotel while he was changing a flat tire, forcing him at gun point to smoke crack, drive around and buy and drink booze. 

Join me and just about anyone who ever saw that episode of Six Feet Under with David getting kidnapped by a crackhead as we nod and say, ”uh-huh”.

Anyhoodle, Jeremy, who has gone on the record about his battles with addiction to People magazine in the past and was in rehab last year, allegedly escaped around 3am and went to the cops.  The police found his car some time later and arrested two suspects. 

Can’t wait to hear the suspects version of events (assuming they remember any of it).

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It’s probably going to be one of  the few remaining options left to him.

Chris Klein (American Pie) was busted on suspicion of driving under the influence in LA when the cops spotted his car driving erraticly on the 101 freeway around 3:30 in the morning.

TMZ is reporting that Chris had a major case of the drunks, failing his sobriety test by blowing a .20 on the breathalyzer (California’s limit is .08)

 This is Chris’ second DUI, the first was about five years ago, right after he got dumped by Katie Holmes for her totally non-arranged and un-contrived relationship (and eventual marriage) to Tom Cruise.

Chris ended up being sentenced to five years probation for that DUI, so he’s completley SOL for this one unless he gets himself a really good lawyer.

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Looks like Perez  Hilton’s legal team had a chat with him yesterday about that photo he posted (and removed) to his Twitter account of Miley Cyrus getting out of  a car in a short dress while supposedly going commando.

Perez says all the fuss is silly since it was a joke of some sort. ”Do you think I’m stupid enough to post a photo of Miley if she’s not wearing any underwear down there? No! Sure I like to seem controversial, but I don’t want to go to jail.  The reason I linked to that photo was I thought she was exiting this car in a very unlady like fashion.  People, snap out of it!” he said on a message posted to his website, along with the picture of Miley (left) that shows a circle around her panty-line wearing the same outfit as the the picture he posted the other day.

Here’s the thing though, Perez could still be in hot water, as the law is such that if you photoshop and distribute a picture of a person under 18 to make it look like their bits are showing (even if it’s clearly fake) you can still be charged as if it’s the real deal.

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