Wheebles wobble, but they don’t do fall down.

Like the graceful, magical, and dainty butterfly we all know she is, Mariah Carey took a stumble on stage over the weekend at the Singapore Grand Prix.  After she was helped up, she had a minion come out on stage while she continued to sing, to remove her stilettos for her (the show must go on).

Now that’s a diva.

BTW - Mariah has yet to confirm she’s preganant, but I’d say she’s at least half way along.

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Guess this means those hoping for Mariah Carey are SOL.

After word got out earlier this summer that Jennifer Lopez had been signed to be a judge on America’s biggest karaoke contest, only to lose the deal due to her “outrageous” diva demands, looks like Team J-Lo and producers of American Idol have compromised, kissed, and made up.

According to Deadline Hollywood, the producers were forced to play hardball with J-Lo when she wanted what used to be called a vanity deal in the industry.  In addition to wanting $15 million per season, she’d also get a movie and TV development deal with Fox. Like the diva that she still thinks she is, rumour is J-Lo was also pissed off that Steven Tyler was offered a gig without her being consulted first. 

Nigel Lythgoe and company ended up letting word leak out that J-Lo had been dumped and that they were considering going with plan-B, (aka Mariah Carey).  Nothing like the suggestion that a diva’s going to be replaced by a much hated rival in order to make her more agreeable.  The gambit worked and J-Lo is said to have agreed to $12 million per season and no movie or TV deal.  One of those anonymous sources says there’s no way J-Lo would have turned down a $12 million gig, as “she lives very well. It comes at a cost.”

Fox is playing coy about the announcement.  Supposedly, J-Lo wants the news to coincide with the release of her first single with her new record label, Island Def Jam later this month.

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Granted, there’s probably more Poly-fil, Scotch Tape, and fishing line holding her together than actual flesh, but you gotta give the old broad credit.  She looks good.

Cher came out amid a standing ovation to present Video of the Year(which went to Gaga’s Bad Romance) and wryly noted that twenty-some odd years ago when she wore the exact same outfit for If  I Could Turn Back Time, it was considered scandalous.

Turn back time?  Cher’s frozen it (along with most of her facial expressions).

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WTF?

Apparently, angry super-model Naomi Campbell is a fan of the Real Housewives of New Jersey and the neanderthal-esque Teresa in particular. 

During last nights Watch What Happens: Live, the angry one called in to gush to Teresa, “How do you do it? You have four kids, you take care of your family, you cook and clean. I mean, you have no help at all. How do you do it?! You’re a role model. It’s like, you dress all your kids. They’re always….it’s amazing.”

When host Andy Cohen asked if Naomi thought Teresa is a role model (clearly not believing what he was hearing for himself) Naomi tried to throw a cell phone at him, even though she wasn’t in the same room.  Ok, she didn’t do that at all.  Naomi answered, “Yeah, she’s a role model, a mother…. She’s a business woman, she’s cooking, she’s cleaning, she’s a wife…. You know, yeah. The real deal.”

How anyone can be called a role model after spending their way into $11 million in debt, declare bankruptcy, lie about their finances regarding the aforementioned bankruptcy, while behaving like a borderline psychopath on TV is beyond me, but this is Naomi Campbell we’re dealing with here.  

I’m thinking the two should get together.  Naomi can teach Teresa how to whip a Blackberry at people’s heads and give beat-downs to staff, while Teresa can show Naomi how to flip tables and have epic tantrums (as if she needs help in that department).

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You just know Daniellle (Prostitution Whore!) Staub is loving this.

Rumour is Teresa is now on the outs with Andy Cohen and the rest of the high foreheads at Bravo.  Word is the suits at the network moved to cast Teresa’s sister in-law Melissa Gorga as a way of playing hardball with financially challenged famewhore, who is said to want a 100% raise to come back for the third season.

Do I need to mention that Teresa the Terrible does not get along with her sister in law at all?  Although it’s a foregone conclusion that getting on Teresa’s sh*t list is an exceptionally easy thing to do, Danielle did some digging into the Guidice family and found out Teresa the Terrible’s husband Joe allegedly stepped out on her with the sister-in-law, fathering a son.  Allegedly.  Hence all the hatred between the two.

Right out of a soap opera, right?

Also complicating matters even further, Teresa published a cookbook called The Skinny Italian, and in addition to hiding her $250 000 advance from her bankrupty filing (totally illegal and totally busted for it) she promised Bravo 10% of the royalties in exchange for hawking the book on The Real Housewives of New Jersey.  However, the scenes shot where Teresa is making the recipes and talking about the book never aired.  The Skinny Italian only ended up being mentioned once in the much talked about reunion show (where Teresa knocked host Andy Cohen over trying to attack Danielle).

 How come the most interesting drama going on in these reality TV shows never happens in front of the cameras?

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Hitting the bookshelves on September 14, Pokerface: The Rise and Rise of Lady Gaga explores the how the singer made it big, and how the pressures of fame are supposedly affecting her.

Interviewing former employees of Gaga’s (always a reliable source for dirty laundry), the book claims the singer has an eating disorder and was hospitalized six times due to dangerous eating habits.

Former tour manager David Ciemmy says Gaga would go on junk food binges, then virtually starve herself for weeks afterwards.  Apparently, Gaga is another follower of that “baby-food diet” that other celebs are rumoured to follow (note to self:  pick up some Gerber at grocery store this week).

Not helping the speculation regarding her health was Gaga’s well publicized collapse while on stage in New Zealand last March.  Initally the singer blamed jet leg, but later alluded to The Times in London as having Lupus, symptoms of which can include extreme fatigue.

Other tidbits from the book include a story of how she once talked about herself in the third person (although since Lady Gaga is a stage name and persona that Stephanie Germanotta created in order to “make it”, this doesn’t seem any more strange than an actor talking about a character they portray in the third person), has become a control freak,  and has gone through a fair number of employees.  SHOCKING.  

In other Gaga news, she’ll be at the MTV Music Video Awards next Sunday, where she’s been nominated for 13 awards and is expected to clean up.

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Looking for all the world like an over-stuffed sausage squeezed into something from the Mattel Princess Barbie collection, Mimi wobbled and warbled around on stage performing at the Barretos International Rodeo in Brazil over the weekend.

Girlfriend really needs to lay off the Ring-Dings or suck it up and go up a dress size or two (pregnant or not).  She’s a sneeze away from a major wardrobe malfunction.

Word’s still floating around that Mimi continues to have her man-servant/employee/husband Nick Cannon try to secure her a gig as a judge on American Idol (as if producer Nigel Lythgoe would trade in one high maintenance diva for another).  Then again, when did logic ever come into play with how Hollywood operates?

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Well, this is totally shocking (not really).  J-Lo is as demanding an employer as she (allegedly) is an employee. 

According to Life&Style (yeah, I know) Jenny from the block is seeking an assistant after the last one chewed through her restraints and escaped and the requirements are a real scream. 

“The person has to be graceful under pressure, have a thick skin, and be resourceful in foreign countries, among others things. You’ll be expected to travel at a moment’s notice and must know how to adjust in each city. The job is 6 days a week, at least 12 hour days with one day off, but you may not get off for weeks.  You’ll be on call 24/7 and you’ve got to be organized and always on point. You have to change diapers, work on little sleep and cook if the butler is away.  You have to know when J. Lo has her snack time. She won’t say she’s hungry, you’re just expected to have food waiting.”

Sounds like a lovely working environment.  So what is the salary for basically handing over your mind, body, and soul?  $55 to $65 thousand dollars a year (or $17.36 per hour, assuming the lucky canidate hired gets the high end wage).  Apparently, it’s considered a bonus at L&S that “you get to help” J-Lo dress for red carpet events and photo-shoots.

Snort.

No word if your expected to answer to “Peon”, watch J-Lo’s movies, listen to her music, and call her “beautiful” a set number of times per day.

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According to Page Six, the IRS filed a lien against Naomi earlier this week for unpaid taxes from 2009, to the tune of $63 487.oo 

That’s gotta hurt.

Guess Naomi finds paying taxes as inconvienent as testifying at a warlord’s trial in the Hauge.

Her accountants and money managers better put on head guards and enter the witness protection program if they haven’t already done so.  You just know the blame for this will land squarely at their feet (whether justified or not) and that Naomi already has several Blackberrys earmarked to beat them with for this oversight.  

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So says Mariah’s full time minion/employee/husband, Nick Cannon.

In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Nick, who’s part time job is host on the Simon Cowell produced  America’s Got Talent, says that Mariah has talked about it wityh him before and would love to do it, if they could work with her schedule.

Ok, let’s stop this right here. 

If FOX is going to kick  J-Lo to the curb for being a demanding super bitch diva, there’s no way in hell they would even consider Mimi.  After all, this is the same woman who demanded a diamond encrusted microphone stand to perform on American Idol Gives Back  a couple of years ago.

Mimi probably makes J-Lo seem low maintenance by comparison.

The search continues…

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