Posts Tagged 'Douchebags'

Sundance: Attracting douchebags since 1984

This photo proves it.

He may have a court order against giving interviews and appearing on tabloid TV shows, but Jon Gosselin is determined to famewhore anyway he can.

Hence his presence at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah with his new piece Morgan Christie.

Apparently, the two met over the US Thanksgiving weekend while skiing there (where she has family) and have been an item ever since.  Some “insider” (probably Jon himself ) actually had the balls to say without a hint of irony that “he’s trying his best to keep her out of the spotlight while he tries to figure out his life.”

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…..because going on a ski vacation while the Sundance Film Festival is under way is such an underground and off the grid thing to do.  Wonder if he’s tried to help himself to any swag at the gifting centres around town yet?

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John Mayer likes to touch himself. A lot.

John Mayer:  proven narcissist, ladies man, douche-bag, and a habitual masturbator?

Apparently yes, according to Mayer himself in the new Rolling Stone Magazine.

“I am the new generation of masturbator, I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week… I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off.”

Can’t argue with John there, although eyebrows will now be raised and looks exchanged from here on whenever he excuses himself to go the washroom.  You also have to wonder what Taylor Swift and her mother are going to think about this piece of information.

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Proof these things happen in threes

Multiple sources are reporting that there was a third party crasher at the White House State Dinner Nov 24th.  Apparently, this thing was easier to get into then Lindsay Lohan. 

Carlos Allen, some Washington DC  party promoter, snuck in via the Indian delegation of CEO’s from their hotel.  (There’s your security gap, Secret Service, I’ll send you my bill later).  Seriously, I’ve crashed house parties with tighter security.

Allen is the CEO of HUSH Society, which trumpets itself as “an exclusive and luxurious private social club whose members enjoy unparalleled access to elite movers and shakers.”  Quick!  Someone tell the hags from the Real Housewives of Orange County/New Jersey/New York/Atlanta/DC.  They’ll all probably want to join!

So how come it’s taken almost six weeks for this to surface?  Two words: The Salahis.  With the ensuing poo storm surrounding them, Allen took down his Face-Book pictures of  his uninvited visit, but true famewhore and shameless self promoter that he is, bragged about it to a DC Gossip Blog several days later, and word eventually leaked.

It’s borderline pathological, they just can’t help themselves.

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Did Jon Gosselin’s Van Gough get taken too?

 

Jon Gosselin came home to his New York City apartment from visiting his litter over the holidays to find that he’s been burgled.

Some property was taken (a ming vase, a Wii, a CD player, the TV, dishes, pots, pans and a coffee maker) while other things were slashed, including the bedding, Jon’s shoes and his famous Ed Hardy T-shirt collection.  NOOOOOOOO!  

Oh come on now.  Who’s kidding who?  A famewhore with financial woes claims that $100 000 worth of his property is stolen or ruined, about the same time an angry ex-girlfriend has said he owes her money and was actually seen moving things out of the same apartment, which is where she was living until recently?  Bitch, please.

Playing the victim-card to the tilt, Jon’s lawyer issued a statement full of hyperbole, saying when Jon entered his apartment in Manhattan, “he was “horrified, disheartened and saddened to observe the devastation of his furniture, clothing and personal belongings, which were apparently slashed with a butcher knife by a very troubled and sick perpetrator.  The greatest damage from this vicious, mean spirited and heartless crime was perpetrated not on Jon’s property and possessions, but on Jon Gosselin himself, who experienced a traumatic, emotional, roller coast ride having just shared a joyful family gathering with his children during their Christmas.”

And if you somehow managed to read through that without rolling your eyes, pat yourself on the back, as you have a stronger stomach than I are a better person than I am.

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It must be tough being a stud

john-mayer-awi-5[1]I’m going for the later because honestly, I just don’t think the guy can help it.

NYMAG is reporting on a weird situation that went down last Tuesday night at the Slipper Room, a comedy club in New York.   Apparently, John Mayer asked the emcee to do a 5 minute routine but ended up being on stage for about 20, bombing the entire time.

When he finally got off  the stage, it was comedian Kumail Nanjiani’s turn to do his set.  However, halfway through it, Mayer pulled a Kanye, going back up on stage and interrupting the routine.  Referring to Kumail as “Kabul”, Mayer then said that he “looked like a brown guy but sounded like a white guy“. 

Awkward?  Very.  But wait, now the real douche-bagginess comes into the mix.

Mayer said in an interview afterwards,  ”I felt really bad. I felt like I ruined his set.” Which is where he should have ended it, but this being John Mayer, no such luck.  The singer continued on, saying that the atmosphere in the club was “combative in the sense that the crowd didn’t really accept the fact that the jock, the guy who gets the girls, was at a place where the guys go who talk about how they don’t get the girls.”

Translation:  I bombed cause everyone there was jealous of me.

For his part, Kumail Nanjiani doesn’t seem to be holding a grudge, since Mayer has pretty much handed him a surreal story to work into his routine.

  Hopefully, John just sticks to singing and being a player from here on.

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never talk to michael lohan by phone

293.Lohan.Gosselin.072609[1]I thought recording a phone conversation without the other parties express permission or a signed warrant by a judge through the courts was a big no-no.

Regardless, Michael Lohan, who apparently has run out of tapes of his ex Dina and train-wreck of a daughter Lindsay to profit/get attention from, has now moved on to fellow famewhore and douchebag Jon Gosselin.

Radar online has obtained a copy of the tape (but at what cost?) and the former reality TV show star and father of 8 sprouts off on a variety of topics during the 4 minute conversation with Lohan.

Lohan, complete creep that he is, edited off his input of the conversation, so snippets are out of context somewhat, and you can’t tell if he goaded the answers he received from Jon.

On exposing his kids…”I mean, I put my kids out there to every pedophile on the planet and they never got paid for it? It’s disgusting.”

On his battles with TLC… “It’s like a shopping game now, because everyone knows I talked. So like, Oh my God, he’s free game now cause TLC doesn’t give a f-ck.”

They don’t! They haven’t said s–t! What the f-ck? Why the f-ck didn’t I do this, like, months ago?” 

“Because they tried to scare tactic me. They tried to scare tactic me. Why the f-ck should they get paid and not my kids? And I see now they know that I know. That they took money from People, they took money from Good Housekeeping. They struck side deals and none of that money went to my kids. To leak that to the public? Oh my god, Michael, can you imagine? They’d be so f–ked! Their stock would tank! That they stole from eight kids!”

On his friendship with Michael Lohan and their plans for a reality TV show together…”No I read your email, we all make mistakes, we all do stupid shit, and we learn from each other and that’s the whole point about Divorced Dads Club. And you know I always give everyone a second chance, I mean, honestly, I don’t really…I’ve known you a couple weeks, and I like you…you know, but I don’t even know your past, Michael.  Our relationship started a couple weeks ago. I don’t care about the past. I could care less. It’s the same with Hailey. She did all this shit in college, but I didn’t know her then. Our relationship started May 4. You know, it’s like, it’s irrelevant to me.  So, you know, that’s how I’m gonna go. His past, I’m like, ‘I don’t know about his past. I only know what you a–holes write about him. It’s the same s–t you write about me so why should I believe you? “They never say the good things. Never, cause the good things don’t sell. I’ve learned. I’m not stupid.”

Poor Jon.  Did he actually think someone like Michael Lohan would make an exception for a possible payday over a prime piece of tabloid fodder?  Naive and stupid.

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john mayer not having enough sex, still a douche

12219879[1]At least that’s the general impression the 32 year old singer song-writer gave in an interview with the New York Times that ran over the weekend.

In the interview, Mayer, who’s new album Battle Studies drops today, says that  “It’s crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble, I can’t even explain how terrible that feels. I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution.  It’s a nightmare.”

The notorious womanizer, who’s said to be obsessed with how he’s portrayed in the media (seems to be), has been linked with Jessica Simpson in the past and seems to have an on again, off again relationship with Jennifer Aniston.

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the end is nigh!

jon-and-kate[1]For both the show and the marriage.

Tonight’s new episode of  TLC‘s Jon & Kate plus 8 is the last one.  I thought it was already done with the Kate tells all specials they were airing recently?

Jon infamously barred production of the series after being basically dumped from the show, saying he now felt the filming was detrimental to his children’s well being.

This past Saturday, the two, along with their lawyers, sat down to an all day mediation where they hammered out the most of the details of their pending divorce.  Jon brought a dozen long stemmed red roses in a obvious attempt to gain public sympathy gesture to set things right.  Kate responded by accepting the peace offering and then beat him over the head repeatedly with the flowers until the petals all fell off .  Ok, she didn’t do that at all, but just how awesome would it have been if she did?  No, Kate just refused them instead.  A smart move, albeit a boring one.  They’re both scheduled to meet again today to wrap things up.  So far, Kate is said to have primary custody of the kids and neither side is seeking spousal support from the other. 

Jon still has his pending lawsuits with TLC for breach of contract to contend with.

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thinley veiled shakedown attempts not working guy

jenniferlopez_and_Ojani_Noa[1]

It’s your classic story.  Girl meets Guy.  Girl marries Guy.  Girl makes sexy times video for Guy.  Girl’s career starts to take off.  Girl dumps guy. Girl gets a divorce.  Girl goes on to become huge star.  Guy wants piece of the pie.  Girl says “pfffffffffft” but hires him as manager for her restaurant.  Girl fires guy six months later.  Guy takes girl to court.  Girl gives guy settlement. Girl has guy sign confidentiality agreement.  Guy writes “tell-all” book two years later.  Girl goes to court. Girl gets book from ever seeing light of day.  Girl also hands Guy his ass on platter (to the tune of half a million dollars re: confidentiality agreement).   Guy crawls out of woodwork 4 years later.  Guy to make mockumentary about marriage using sexy-times video.  Girl goes back to court.  Girl files $10 million dollar lawsuit (citing original confidentiality agreement with settlement).  Guy gets injunction handed to him stopping production.  Guy whines to media Girl is ruining his life.  Guy claims he wants to move on.  Guy says he can’t make a buck. Guy should give up already.  Girl not caving.  Girl has clout.  Girl has confidentiality agreement.  Girl has army of $450 dollar an hour lawyers.  Girl keeps kicking Guy’s ass.

Thus is the strange but true tale of one Jennifer Lopez, singer-actress, and her brief marriage (11 months) but long legal relationship with one Ojani Noa, douchebag-tool.

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like tennis, but with lawsuits instead of balls

fp_3929388_gosselin_rabbi_n[1]

To the surprise of absolutely no one who follows these sorts of things, Jon Gosselin has retaliated in response to TLC’s lawsuit against him with a lawsuit of his own aimed squarely back at the cable channel.

TLC sued Jon for breach of contract earlier this fall when he prevented them from filming Jon & Kate plus 8 under the pretense that it was harmful to his children once execs at the channel had dropped him from the show.  Now Jon wants $5 million from TLC, claiming that they’re preventing him from earning a living and that his original contract is “too restrictive”.  The arguement is probably going to be that he lacked sufficient legal council or input when he signed his contract with TLC.

Not sure if Jon really wants money from TLC or if he just wants them to back off and drop their suit against him while releasing him from his contractual obligations.  As for the claim that they’re preventing him from making a living, obviously there’s little to no opportunity for famewhoring or $12 thousand dollar fees for appearances involved, but he could always go back to I.T.

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