Ugh.  This is beyond stupid, but shows just how delusional and self-entitled Lindsay Lohan’s ghastly stage mother Dina is, that I decided I had to post about it.

Apparently, Dina went to Carvel Ice Cream to pick up a cake for her youngest son’s birthday and took daughter Ali’s VIP card to avoid paying for it.  Seems that Ali has a black Carvel card that gives her free ice cream for 75 years, a pretty sweet deal. (How much do you wanna bet Lindsay threw a fit in the middle of one of their locations on her sister’s behalf in order to get her it?)

Anyway, Dina presented the store with Ali’s card and the clerk asked to see some ID, a standard enough practice,  but of course, since this is a member of the Lohan family, there was drama.

Dina went running to Radar afterwards to give them her version of events.  “The shop assistant said, ‘Do you have I.D.?’ Next minute he he grabbed my arm and took my card and held it hostage and wouldn’t give me the cake! This guy was crazy! I couldn’t believe this guy… it’s a family card, it just didn’t have my name on it. Next minute, four cop cars showed up, there’s a police helicopter over head and this guy makes it seem to the cops that I’m trying to use a stolen credit card — and for what? Over a free ice cream?! He wouldn’t give it back… not even to the cops! Finally he gave up and gave me my card back. But he told me, ‘You can have the card, but you can’t have the cake!’ It just shows how we get treated so much worse than regular people. Just wait until Lindsay and Ali hear about this. When Ali gets back, I’m going to bring her in everyday to this store — and you can print that!”

What?  No “You’ll never get away with this!!!” tearfully uttered through breathless frustration by Dina as well?  I’m shocked. 

Far more likely, Dina threw a huge fit in the store when she was given the choice of paying or leaving empty handed and either called the cops herself or someone, fearing Dina was going to lose it on the store clerk, did. 

I highly doubt four cop cars showed up unless it was by coincidence, and as for Dina’s story of the police helicopter overhead, chances are it was for traffic, but of course, since this is a Lohan, everything revolves around them.  Always.

Here’s a rhetorical question.  Who’s more delusional, Dina or Lindsay?

UPDATE- Carvel’s spokesminions have released a statement regarding the incident

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It’s probably going to be one of  the few remaining options left to him.

Chris Klein (American Pie) was busted on suspicion of driving under the influence in LA when the cops spotted his car driving erraticly on the 101 freeway around 3:30 in the morning.

TMZ is reporting that Chris had a major case of the drunks, failing his sobriety test by blowing a .20 on the breathalyzer (California’s limit is .08)

 This is Chris’ second DUI, the first was about five years ago, right after he got dumped by Katie Holmes for her totally non-arranged and un-contrived relationship (and eventual marriage) to Tom Cruise.

Chris ended up being sentenced to five years probation for that DUI, so he’s completley SOL for this one unless he gets himself a really good lawyer.

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Looks like Perez  Hilton’s legal team had a chat with him yesterday about that photo he posted (and removed) to his Twitter account of Miley Cyrus getting out of  a car in a short dress while supposedly going commando.

Perez says all the fuss is silly since it was a joke of some sort. ”Do you think I’m stupid enough to post a photo of Miley if she’s not wearing any underwear down there? No! Sure I like to seem controversial, but I don’t want to go to jail.  The reason I linked to that photo was I thought she was exiting this car in a very unlady like fashion.  People, snap out of it!” he said on a message posted to his website, along with the picture of Miley (left) that shows a circle around her panty-line wearing the same outfit as the the picture he posted the other day.

Here’s the thing though, Perez could still be in hot water, as the law is such that if you photoshop and distribute a picture of a person under 18 to make it look like their bits are showing (even if it’s clearly fake) you can still be charged as if it’s the real deal.

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Going commando while wearing a short skirt and getting out of a car is just asking for the world to get a glimpse of your bits, especially when your every move while out in public is constantly photographed.

So it was that Miley Cyrus joined an illustrious club who’s members include Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Kim Zolciak when Perez Hilton posted the above picture (minus the blacked out part) to his Twitter account.

Although Perez warned people not to click if they were easily offended, click they did, and then the sh*t started to hit the fan.

Why?  Miley is 17, so posting that uncensored photo technically constitutes child pornography under federal law. Perez has since removed the image from his account after coming under fire online for posting it in the first place.

The big question is, will there be legal fallout or will Perez end up getting punched in the face again at this year’s Much Music Video Awards in Toronto?  Miley is co-hosting and Perez tends to show up for it.  

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Someone slipped her booze without her knowing it?

Sunday night, party girl and professional trouble maker Lindsay Lohan attended the MTV Movie Awards, then went to Katy Perry’s after party at Las Palmas.  Apparently, sometime during the evening’s festivities, her SCRAM ankle bracelet went off, indicating that there was alcohol in her system.

Uh-oh.

The company that manufacturers the device immediately notified the authorities that the alarm had gone off, and was caused neither by “mistake or malfunction”. 

As one of the conditions of her probation, Linds has been forbidden to drink booze with the threat that she could face jail time otherwise.  Hence the SCRAM device placed on her to supposedly help keep her in line.  How long was that, all of two weeks?

Lindsay apparently placed a red LED light around her ankle as a little joke, raising eyebrows everywhere she went Sunday night as the light went off (actual SCRAM devices don’t have one).  Who’s laughing now?

Lindsay’s lawyer went into an emergency meeting with the Judge presiding over the case late this afternoon, while Lindsay did what she always does in a crisis, and sent out some Tweets.

However, the judge was having none of it and issued a bench warrant for Lindsay’s arrest, setting the bail this time at $200 000.  Lindsay managed to scrape together the 10% down payment required for a get out of jail card.

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2010 continues to be “vexing” for Chris Brown.

According to  E! News he was about to begin the UK leg of his European tour in Glasgow tomorrow, when Britain’s home office refused to grant him a work visa due to his criminal record stemming from the beat-down he gave Rihanna.

A spokesminion for the Home Office released a statement, saying “”We reserve the right to refuse entry to the U.K. to anyone guilty of a serious criminal offence. Public safety is one of our primary concerns. Each application to enter the U.K. is considered on its individual merits.”

In other words, they don’t trust Chris Brown not to re-offend. 

Chris took to his Twitteraccount yesterday announcing that his entire European tour has no been called off, writing “SORRY to all the fans in europe!!! my tour is cancelled, Im pretty sure yall know. my entry was denied in your country. i love you.SORRY!!”

That post was subsequently removed from an offical word from Chris’s spokesminion which read “Due to issues surrounding his work visa, the Ireland and United Kingdom leg of Chris Brown’s Fan Appreciation Tour has been postponed. Chris looks forward to performing for his fans abroad in the near future and thanks them for their continued support.”

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It’s been a busy few days for two of the cast members of The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

First it turns out Teresa Giudicie (the one that looks like a Neanderthal with a penchant for flipping dining room tables), and her husband Joe are almost $11 million dollars in debt.  Apparently, they’re not as wealthy as they tried to appear on the show.  SHOCKING! 

Those buzzkills at the banks are said to be circling like vultures, and the Giudicie’s have already lost their summer place on Jersey Shore (the actual location, not the show) and another residence.  Next to go is that $1.5 million dollar mansion they had custom built that was featured in the last episode of the show.   If ever there was an award for overspending, these two would be on the short list.

Now comes word that Danielle (Prostituiton Whore!) Staub (the one that looks like a female version of the Joker) has a sex tape coming out next week.  Of couse she does.  Isn’t this par for the course at this point? 

Word is Danielle tried to stop it last year (sure she did – you just know she wanted a bigger cut of the take, asumming there is one) but TMZ reports that Hustler is releasing the tape next Tuesday.  The tape features Danielle and that 26 going on 40 looking douchebag she was dating briefly on RHONJ,  Stephen Zalewski.  Blech.

Both women are pobably toasting each other’s misfortune, self inflected as it is.  No word if all this will somehow make it into season two of the show or if the fallout will have to wait until season three.

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Great news for fans of schadenfreude and trainwreck TV masquerading as human interest television. 

Looks like Dr Drew Pinsky has found several more desperate has-beens to join Tila Tequila for Celebrity Rehab 4: It Was This Or Financial Ruin.  At this rate, production on the show should now start sometime this summer.

So who are the hapless famewhores lucky patients that will be joining Tila for treatment so far?

Jason Wahler

Where you know him from – First onLaguna Beach then on the first season of The Hills as Lauren Conrad’s slightly Neanderthal like (but still somewhat hot) boyfriend.

What’s he been doing since? - Nothing really.  Except getting drunk and thrown into jail on a pseudo regular basis for disorderly conduct including getting into fights.

Reason for rehab – He’s a violent drunk.

Jason (Gummie Bear) Davis

Where do you know him from? – The big brother of Brandon (Greasy Bear) Davis and heir to an oil fortune.  Was recently on Millionaire Matchmaker.

What’s he been doing since?  Since when?  He’s famous for being famous, being a slob, and generally making an ass out of himself when drunk or high, which is often.

Reason for rehab? – Booze and heroin.  

Shauna Sand

Where do you know her from? – A Playboycenterfold who was once maried to Lorenzo Lamas.  Also deflowered Chace Crawford.  Recently released a sex tape.  No one cared.

What’s she been doing since? – See above.

Reason for rehab? – No word.  Plastic surgery and tanning maybe?

Bonnie Pointer

Where do you know her from? – The Pointer Sisters

What’s she been doing since? – Apparently cashing in her royalty checks and living the high life, so to speak.  

Reason for rehab? – Shoving anything and everything powdery up her nose.

There you have it.  Dr Drew has five patients to “help” on his show.  All he needs now is just another three to five, and the camera’s can start rolling.

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Guess this was just in case Judge Marsha Revel swings that way, or maybe it was for the paps…

Anyhoodle, Lindsay Lohan showed up for her rescheduled court hearing today for her progress report regarding the terms of her probation.  

The judge ordered Lindsay to submit to random testing once a week for both drugs and alcohol and told Lindsay’s lawyer she must also wear a SCRAM (Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitoring) anklet that will monitor her blood alcohol levels to determine whether or not she’s been drinking.

Lindsay’s lawyer tried to pull a fast one, asking if her client could remove the device “while working”, but the judge shot that request down, basically saying that people will just have to work around it.

Linds must also attend an alcohol education class once a week.  This was the court’s mandate to Lindsay before, although because the program won’t report you unless you miss more than three weeks in a row, Lindsay pushed the limits, attending once every 21 days. 

The Judge made it clear that if Lindsay breaks any of these provisions this time, her ass is going to be thrown in jail. 

 Lindsay’s lawyer initially tried to protest the restrictions placed on her client as being too harsh, but the judge said she’d be happy to give the laundry list of reasons Lindsay has given the court to implement such restrictions, at which point the lawyer withdrew her objections.  Heh.

Lindsay must next appear before the court on July 6th for a formal hearing, where she’ll have to answer for skipping out on her court date last Thursday and explain why she only went to one alcohol education class every three weeks in direct violation of the terms of her probation. 

Considering Lindsay already pulled the death of a mystery relative as an excuse for missing one of her classes (the judge dismissed it as Lindsay didn’t attend the funeral) and used the non-stolen passport for missing her hearing, it should be interesting to see what she cooks up in the next six weeks.

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This has been a long time coming, but better late than never.

Judge Marsha Revel has finally had enough of Lindsay’s antics and issued a bench warrant for her arrest for failure to appear in court as ordered and parole violation, setting bail at $100 000.

The Judge dismissed Lindsay’s stolen passport exuse as just that, telling the court that ”actions speak louder than words”.

“I couldn’t be more clear about the priority of this case,” she added. “She should’ve made sure she didn’t go to Cannes or made sure to be back two days early. She’s not here. There’s really no valid excuse.”

Meanwhile, the DA is calling Lindsay out on her lies, requesting a copy of her plane ticket to get back to the US in time for her hearing (she claims she was turned away at the gate when she couldn’t procuce her passport).

The judge says that Lindsay will be placed in jail for up to 180 days unless she coughs up bail money and submits to the following restrictions, no more booze until her next hearing, random weekly testing for drugs and alcohol, and wear an electronic monitoring device.

The Judge also says that it’s quite possible law enforcement will be waiting for Lindsay when (or if) she arrives at LAX from Cannes.

I love the feeling of schadenfreude on a sunny afternoon….

UPDATE – Looks like Lindsay isn’t going to jail just yet.  Mother Dina paid 10% of the $100 000 bail by selling younger daughter Ali for scientific experiements giving Linday until Monday morning, when she has to show up for court.  Apparently, the passport drama has been settled and Linds is expected to arrive in the states sometime later today (Friday).

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