Here’s a prediction, this will not end well.

After having a staggering 10 “procedures” in one day and walking around LA looking like a puffy blow up fem-bot, Heidi Montag-Pratt has given her manager husband the heave ho, opting to be managed by a psychic named Aiden Chase from Malibu.

Speaking to People, Heidi said, “After the incredible experiences I have had healing my life and truly connecting to my dreams with healer intuitive Aiden Chase, I have officially asked him to become my manager.  Having an intuitive psychic leading my team gives me an edge no one else has.  No longer is my husband the face of my business or managing my career, I am going to have Aiden Chase help manage my new life and career in a very different and positive way with light and love. The time for change is now. Never mix business and pleasure. We are no longer Speidi but Spencer and Heidi.”

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried (it’s also very hard to type laughing).

An interesting choice of words there, considering that Heidi’s face really isn’t her face any more either. 

Guess she wasn’t happy with the 600 or so copies of her debut album Superficial sold, or her husbands reaction to her new and ”improved” look.

Heidi says she is excited for her future and the “bright successes” coming her way, having now “cleared out all the negative energy” in her life.

Let the countdown to an affair/separation/divorce begin!

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Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Author, mother, Dancing with the Stars contestant and perpetual Drill Sergant Kate Gosselin had her highly reviled weave taken out to expose a shorter bob like ‘do yesterday in Manhattan.  

Not bad, but a little soccer mom/Anna Wintour-ish for my liking. 

Apparently, this is a temporary look for Kate.  Radar Online says she’s heading back into the salon later today to have new (hopefuly better looking) extentions put back in.

Word is Kate’s going for a new look for her Dancing for a Cheque gig.   Rock on, Kate.  Rock on.

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Sadness.

I remember the days (long since long gone) when a sex tape really was a scandal and not a desperate ploy of a famewhore trying to launch a career.  Kim Kardashian, take a bow for ruining it for everybody else.

Now comes word that Rozlyn Papa, The Bachelor contestant made famous by vying for Fly-boy Jake’s affections, only to get the heave-ho for having an inappropriate relationship with a producer, has an alledged sex-tape that’s now become available on line.

Yawn.

Apparently, Pornhub.com has a tape in which you see a woman going south on a fairly well endowed guy.  Well, if nothing else, at least Papa’s has her standards (allegedly).

Papa’s maintains she has “no knowledge ” of any sex tape.  How very Carrie Prejean of her.

How long do you think it’ll take before one surfaces featuring the woman Fly-boy Jake ended up picking, Vienna Girardi (Hailey Glassman Version 2.0)?  Cue the countdown!

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Because you demanded it! (Ok, not really).

Taking Famewhoring to a whole new level after being upstaged at her own fashion show a couple of weeks ago, Kim Kardashian has released her very own i-phone application.

Yes it’s actually come to this.  An app for famewhores.

Should you need to know right away where the closest place is to buy Kim’s perfume (actually not a bad idea), Kim’s latest Tweets, or thoughts on a variety of topics, from Kim’s fashion choices, Kim’s beauty tips, or Kim on Kim’s favorite subject, Kim, are now only a few keypad touches away for the low low price of $1.99

Although given that just about anything she says or does ends up in the gossip blogs (including this one) or tabloids, you could save yourself the money and just wait about 24 hours and get the info for free.

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Their feelings are as genuine as her hair colour.

Jake Pavelka (Flyboy Ken) the commerical airline pilot and budding famewhore who will next be seen on Dancing with the Stars, picked Vienna Girardi (Hailey Glassman Version 2.0) on last night’s season finale of Why Is This Still On? The Bachelor.

After sending runner up Tenley Molzahn packing (who has another shot to find the famewhore of her dreams in the new season of The Bachelorette), Flyboy Ken got down on one knee and proposed to Hailey Glassman V2.0, who accepted and fake tears of fake joy to celebrate their fake love fakely fell.

No doubt, their love is one for the ages and will last at least until the middle of spring.

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TLC’s golden-girl is going to join the ranks of the motley collection of has-beens, famewhores, and never-was’ to strut her stuff on ABC’s reality show competition.

Should be interesting to see who she ends up being partnered with and whether or not she’ll berate him on camera.  (You know if it’s Max the fur will fly- he’s as much of a bitch as she is).

Apparently, the producers of the show are letting Kate prepare her routines near her home in Pennsylvania, instead of on the west coast, since she pulled the single mother of 8 card yet again.   

Of course, Kate is pulling her now patended “doing this for the kids”.. blah blah blah song and dance.  Her involvement with Dancing for a Cheque probably has nothing to do with her new book, Letters To My Children Even The Ones That Made Fun Of My Weave and Made Me Cry that’s being published later this spring.  Wonder how many times she manages to plug it while in front of the cameras?

Dancing with the stars starts on March 21

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This is one way to guarantee more screen time for yourself on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Kim Zolciak, the blonde with the penchant for really bad wigs that looks like a drag queen with the “hit” Tardy for the Party is now a lesbian.  According to US Magazine, Kim’s been dating DJ Tracy Young for the past three months.  Apparently, they met last year when Tracy produced a remix of Kim’s song.  

Hmmm.  A reality TV famewhore with an aspiring music career suddenly finds true love with an established female DJ.  What are the odds?   What will Kim’s main frenemy and fellow RHOAco-hort Nene have to say about all this? 

Kim for her part, still insists she’s with her married boyfriend Big Papa (guess the third seasons going to revolve around her coming out). I foresee total dyke drama in the making here. 

No word if Tracy Young received her toaster yet.

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She done her mama Sarah proud!

Deciding she can’t count on Levi Johnston for child support payments, smug little baby momma Bristol Palin has turned around and gotten herself a job as a guest star on an upcoming episode of The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

Dramatizing and glamorizing teenage pregnancy?  Heavens!  What will her mother’s friends and supporters in the GOP think?  

Here’s hoping Levi Johnston’s lawyers require that Bristol’s salary for her role be taken into consideration in regards to her demands for $1700 a month in child support payments. 

As for Levi Johnston, word is Marc Cherry is determined to get him on Desperate Housewives in some capacity, offically demonstrating that his show has indeed, jumped the shark.

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Unbeliveable. 

Gloria Allred and one of the Skanky Ho’s that Tiger Woods was hitting it with (at this point it, the question should be more along the lines of “who hasn’t he been hitting it with?” as it would be easier) actually gave their own press conference while Tiger was giving his on the background behind them on a TV.

What a pair of leeches.

Crocodile tears flowed as Skaky Ho # Whatever (aka Joseyln James the porn star) boo-hoo-hooed her way through it when she realised no one was really paying attention to her and were all focused on the action behind her.  The Lesson here?  Never have a far more interesting subject matter (in her case that could include moldy wallpaper) than yourself in a room when giving a press conference. 

Skanky Ho # Whatever is also claiming that Tiger impregnated her twice and is demanding an apology.  For what?  Her totally failing in gold-digging?  Cue the countdown for a lawsuit of some sort as soon as she and Allerd can cook something up that won’t be immediately thrown out of court.

Clearly unfamilar with the concepts of irony or hypocrisy, Gloria Allred said “Today, this was not an apology.  It was a staged public relations stunt”.

Well, duh.

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Get ready for a Kim Kardashian onslaught of shameless famewhoring.

Why?

She got upstaged. 

At her own fashion show.

By J-Woww of Jersey Shore.

DRAMA.

The other night at Kim Kardashian’s launch of her new clothing line for Bebe, J-Woww got seated in the front row, immediately creating a stir and the focus away from Kim. 

Wearing a turquoise Ed Hardy dress and garish makeup, the Jersey Shore star was inundated (bet she has no idea what that means) with questions, among other things, such as if her tits were real and if they could be poked.  Sadly, I’m not making any of this up.

Rumour is Kim didn’t take too well to this development, (the attention diversion, not the boob related questions) and reports say she was “irritated”. Considering she doesn’t like it when her sisters take the spotlight from her on their reality show or the media, this should hardly come as a surprise.

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