Does this mean she’s actually literate? 

Snooki, the transsexual Oompa Loompa of Jersey Shore, will be releasing “her” first novel early next year.  Tentatively titled A Shore Thing, the plot follows a young woman as she looks for love on the boardwalk.  Fighting, drinking, and fist pumping ensues.

I’m just shocked that it’s not going to be a pop-up scratch and sniff on par with the likes of Go Dog Go.

In a press release, Snooki supposedly wrote, “I’m pumped to announce to my fans a project that I’ve been working on for some time. This book will have you falling in love at the shore. It’s A Shore Thing!”

Oh for the love of….

Do you think Snooki’s book will make it onto Oprah’s Book Club?

Tweet This Post

Ugh. Why is this show still on?  It’s beyond fake, not to mention stupid, and gives attention craving sociopaths the very spotlight they want. 

Rant over.

Looks like ABC is getting desperate going for Most! Controversial! Season! Ever! by bringing on one time bachelor Brad Womack back as the guy looking for love (in all the wrong places).

Brad made headlines a couple of years ago when he choose himself over 25 famewhoring hopefuls by opting to stay single during the finale, and thereby creating a huge backlash against him from fans and media.

Bet producers end up calling this season The Bachelor: Redemption or something equally cheesy.

Tweet This Post

Looks like The Situation isn’t the only cast member to start branching out. Word is Playboy is offering Jenni Farley (J-Woww of the New Jersey Wowws) a cool $400 000 to bare it all in an upcoming issue of the magazine.

Put down your eyedrops.  Nothing’s been signed as of yet and J-Woww’s contract with MTV may prevent her from showing everything she has to offer.  Rumour is she’ll still earn at least $200 000 for appearing in the magazine, but the price will go up depending how much augmented orange skin she agrees or is allowed to show. 

$200 000 minimum?  Woww.

Tweet This Post

Real Housewives of DC is the only version of the franchise that hasn’t been a runaway hit for Bravo, and speculation is that it has to do with the Sahali’s involvement. 

Adding to that there’s increasing tension with fellow cast member Lynda “dealing with second tier seemed so unnatural” Erkiletian, who’s been complaining to people about the Salahi’s publicity stunts. 

The Salahi’s have also accused Bravoof keeping them from telling people what really went down the night of the White House State Dinner they crashed last fall (The Salahi’s were likely behind the idea but the camera crew was probably only too delighted to tag along for the ride), irritating the high foreheads at the network.

Most recently, Michaele announced she has MS and has been living with the disease for years.  She wouldn’t lie about something like that.  Would she?

Tweet This Post

At least when you do it properly through “leaked” amateur porn, scripted reality TV shows, a skank-wear fashion empire, and shameless self promotion.

TMZ is saying that Kim and her mother Kris stopped into Hermes while in Paris and dropped $60 000 on six Hermes Birkins (those over sized purses they’re always lugging around) and a $30 000 bag “made from an extremely rare crocodile skin”.  If no one sees George Hamilton in the next couple of months, we’ll know what happened to him.

Recession? What recession??  (Kim probably doesn’t even know what the term means).  She may well be a laughing stock, but she’s a filthy rich laughing stock.

Tweet This Post

Well!  Absolutely no one (meaning absolutley everyone) saw this one coming.

After hiding out in Costa Rica for the past few weeks and getting himself busted for gun possession, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have reconciled.  It was during Spencer’s all to brief ordeal (he was only held for a few hours) that the two supposedly reconciled.  We can all breath a sigh of relief now that their impending divorce is now “on hold”.

As for that sex tape that Spencer was trying to sell to Vivid Entertainment, there’s been no further info regarding it.  Meanwhile, that Playboy playmate that Heidi fooled around with for the sake of the camera is now in talks with Vivid to have the sex tape she made with her Oxycontin selling boyfriend Sam Jones III released.

As for Speidi, I’m sure they’ll find some way to get mentioned in the media again before too much time passes, although at this point, anything short of murder probably will only register as a blip.

Tweet This Post

Apparently, it’s been a slow news week, so People stuck Kate on their cover in a bikini and interviewed her to answer those burning questions that have kept us all awake at night (sarcasm) such as, “Did she have work done?” (Botox and a boob job, although Kate will  probably deny it.)  “Who the hell cares?” (No one with a life), and “Why is this woman still famous?” (An unsolveable mystery).

Tweet This Post

Now Kim, or as the doll is called, The Kinky Kim Filthy Love Doll can be all yours to do with as you please!  Insert your own joke here about air heads and the IQ of the doll being on par with the real deal. 

Made by a company called Pipedream (website totally NSFW), and using a look-a-like model on the packaging, they introduce Kinky Kim as their “busty bubble-butt bimbo, who’s had more dark meat in her than a bucket of fried chicken”. 

No word what the actual celebutard thinks of this latest incursion of her likeness and celebrity to sell a product, but considering Kim was less than pleased over Playboy’s recent release of nude photos of herself, chances are it won’t be good.

Cue lawsuit in 5…4…3…

Tweet This Post

Snooki debuted a sleeker hairstyle at the MTV VMA’s Sunday night that, dare I say, actually look pretty decent (pit about the rest of the ensemble).  Apparently the orange one has outgrown the pouf, having worn it since she was sixteen.  “I want to look more mature” Snooki told People.

In other Jersey Shore news, there seems to be growing division amongst the Guidos, specifically with The Situation stemming from his gig on Dancing For A Cheque.  Word is the abtastic Guido is getting too big for his britches for the other cast members liking.  “Mike doesn’t have any game.  He thinks he does, but he doesn’t”, Snooki told the tabloid, the irony clearly lost on her.

Will The Situation’s success outside of Jersey Shore make a failure of their made for reality TV home?  Stay tuned…

Tweet This Post

You just know Daniellle (Prostitution Whore!) Staub is loving this.

Rumour is Teresa is now on the outs with Andy Cohen and the rest of the high foreheads at Bravo.  Word is the suits at the network moved to cast Teresa’s sister in-law Melissa Gorga as a way of playing hardball with financially challenged famewhore, who is said to want a 100% raise to come back for the third season.

Do I need to mention that Teresa the Terrible does not get along with her sister in law at all?  Although it’s a foregone conclusion that getting on Teresa’s sh*t list is an exceptionally easy thing to do, Danielle did some digging into the Guidice family and found out Teresa the Terrible’s husband Joe allegedly stepped out on her with the sister-in-law, fathering a son.  Allegedly.  Hence all the hatred between the two.

Right out of a soap opera, right?

Also complicating matters even further, Teresa published a cookbook called The Skinny Italian, and in addition to hiding her $250 000 advance from her bankrupty filing (totally illegal and totally busted for it) she promised Bravo 10% of the royalties in exchange for hawking the book on The Real Housewives of New Jersey.  However, the scenes shot where Teresa is making the recipes and talking about the book never aired.  The Skinny Italian only ended up being mentioned once in the much talked about reunion show (where Teresa knocked host Andy Cohen over trying to attack Danielle).

 How come the most interesting drama going on in these reality TV shows never happens in front of the cameras?

Tweet This Post