…If she hasn’t already.

The resident transexual Oompa Loompa of Jersey Shore kicked her last boyfriend to the curb for being a famewhore, yet it looks like history is repeating itself with her latest fling.

She’s now dating Jeff Miranda, a 24 year old Iraq war Vetran that she meet at Karma, one of the watering holes she and the other cast members go to get drunk and create mayham (all for the cameras, of course).

Apparently, Miranda has no interest whatsoever in being in front of the cameras (cough-bullsh*t-cough), having scored interviews with both  Us and People, in which he told the later, ”If they offered me to be on the show over Nicole, I’d say no. I said, ’F*ck the cameras, let’s run away.’ I want people to stop hating. It’s not about fame, it’s about me being happy.”

Cue eye-roll.

Miranda fancies himself something of an aspiring actor, with a profile (since deleted) on GotCast.Com, a website devoted to helping people land bit parts in TV and film.  Word is he auditioned for Jersey Shore back when producers were initally casting for the show, but didn’t make the cut. 

This may have already run it’s course though.  Word is Miranda hasn’t heard from Snooki since the weekend.

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She’s probably wondering why she didn’t think of this particular road to famewhoring herself before, since it’s gotten her what she craves the most, exposure in the media.

Anyway, someone had the bright idea of having Tila Tequila sing at the 11th annual gathering of the Juggalos in Illinois over the weekend.

Juggalos are the hard core fans of the rap group Insane Clown Posse.  Need I explain more?  Once Tila came onstage to “perform” she apparently was hit repeatedly with bricks, fire-crackers, beer bottles and poo.  MC Tom Green did his best to distract the Juggaros, but having smelled blood in the proverbial water, they ignored Green for Tila.  Apparently, members of the ICP warned Tila things could go badly for her beforehand, “but she didn’t care”. 

Tila arrived back at LAX today, batterd and bruised, but not bowed.  After all, what are a few cuts and bruises when you get to make the interview circuit, TMZ, E!, Radar playing the victim card?  She hasn’t had this much press since her fake pregnancy then adoption last winter.

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By now you’ve probably heard of Steven Slater, the oh so fussy but fabulous  Jet Blue flight attendent who quit his job by announcing it over his last flight’s PA system, before grabbing two beers from the gallery and activating the emergency slide at JFK while the plane was on the tarmac after gettting into an altercation with a passenger.

Slater was arrested later at his home for reckless endangerment, criminal mischief, and criminal trespass.  He was released on $2500 bail and may spend up to seven years in prison if the Queens’ DA has anything to say about it.

Slater has now hired PR wizard and crisis management expert Howard Bragman to represent him, determined to squeeze every precious second from his fifteen minutes (14:56 and counting).  Apparently, the cranky and attention seeking ex-flight attendent has already been approached to host a reality tv show about the unusual way people quit their jobs.

Cue countdown for “pulling a Slater” (to quit in a huff in a spectacular and bridge burning way) to become part of the lexicon.  Reality bites.

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Is this an example of wag the dog?

After announcing a surprise re-engagement with baby mama Bristol Palinon the cover of US Magazine last month, only to be dumped for being a famewhore, Levi Johnston has inked a deal for a reality show that will chronicle his run to become mayor of Wasilla, Alaska in 2012.

Loving Levi: The road to the mayors office (that’s the best they could come up with?) will also follow Levi’s pursuit of a career in Hollywood and life as a single father looking for love.

Least anyone think “over Sarah Palin’s dead body”, she got her start as mayor of Wasilla too, and the town’s current title holder was voted in with just 466 votes.  Levi must file to run by July 30th (of next year) to run for 2012. 

When questioned about filing, deadlines, and all that annoying bureaucratic red tape, Levi’s manager/bodyguard Tank Jones said, “People questioned Jesus Christ, so I definitely don’t care about these mere mortals questioning Levi Johnston.”

Up next for Levi, starring in a video with singer Brittani Senser that’s shooting this week.  The two went to the Teen Choice Awards Sunday night.

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Slow news day!  

Having absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that the third season of Jersey Shore is currently in production, Snooki’s one time “gorilla juice-head” ex-boyfriend Emilio Masella (whom she kicked to the curb when she got an inkling he might, just might, be using her to get famous), took a flight from LA to try to win back her affections.

According to Radar Online, who snagged an “exclusive” interview with Emilio, he and mentor Spencer Pratt (who paid for the flight) stopped filming the reality show Fist Pumping For Love because no one was interested in it he realized he loves Snooki and wanted to “rescue” her when she got arrested last week.

Uh-huh.

However, Snooki seems to have moved on and Emilio now says he can’t believe he travelled all this way to win her back (by making a spectacle of himself on the boardwalk giving away free hugs).

Bitch, please.

His motives are as transparent as prison bedsheets (and just about as besmirched).

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I think Barbara Walters needs to come back to the hen house that is The View.  Things are starting to get out of control.

The latest indication was on yesterday’s show, when the White House Party Crasher/Real Housewives of DCcast-member Michaele Salahi and the rest of the cast were guests on the show.  Apparently, they were heatedly talking about a drink throwing episode when Whoppi (who was not interviewing them) came out on stage, touched Michaele’s shoulder and said “Excuse me, can you get back to the White House please?” 

As she started to walk away, Michaele turned to her responding “Oh if you’d like us to we can” (shown above).

After the segment was over,  Michaele and her husband Tareq (who was there with her but not on TV) ran to security in hysterics claiming she had been attacked physically.  When Whoopi got wind of the accusation, she went to confront them about it in person, with F-bombs flying all around.

SHOCKING!

A spokesminion for The View said “As the broadcast clearly shows, the accusation was completely unfounded. After being told she was being accused of hitting Ms. Salahi, Whoopi proceeded to defend herself verbally.”

There you have it folks, Tareq and Michaele Salahi, the famewhore heir apparents to Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag.

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Hypocrisy runs in the Palin family, no?

Over the weekend, it was announced that the re-engagement between Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin was off because of ex-girlfriend issues.  Apparently, Levi sprung the news of his possible paternity with an ex-girlfriend the day he and Bristol’s US Magazine cover hit the newstands (this kind of calls into question the ex-girlfriend’s assertion that she hasn’t seen him since high-school).

Bristol complained to People  about her ex-fiance (x2), saying there’s been “no remorse” on Levi’s part over the matter and that she’s only “seen him once in the past three weeks”. 

Bristol clarified the reason for the latest breakup, saying, “It’s over. I broke up with him. The final straw was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family. He’s just obsessed with the limelight and I got played.  Through this whole experience I know I need a man who’s going to be completely honest with me and someone who loves me and Tripp and wants to be with him all the time. I also want someone who has religious beliefs and a good family.”

Anyone else think that Levi and Bristol couldn’t find anyone to pick up that reality show they were so determined to launch? 

As Sarah Palin is breathes a HUGE sigh or relief, and Kathy Griffin works on how to make this into another skit about her, a meeting is probably taking place in the bowels of ABC headquarters with execs debating the following topic, Bristol Palin: the next Bachelorette?

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…From Itself?  Each other?  Not sure how your supposed to use these combined names that refer to two people when it comes to this sort of thing.  Anyway…

Citing irreconcilable differences, Heidi Montag filed for divorce from fellow famewhore and The Hills co-star Spencer Pratt yesterday afternoon.  Both have agreed to a timely dissolution of marriage in an out of court settlement.

Many thought the separation was a publicity stunt to create buzz for a new reality show Heidi was to start filming this summer.  However, Heidi has since dropped out of the project.

Either the pair are taking this stunt to the Nth degree, the seperation/divorce is actually legit, or the marriage itself was a stunt all along. 

Hmmmmmm.

Think about it.  With The Hills no longer in the picture for the pair (they were basically written out mid-way in the final season when they accused the producer of sexually harassing Heidi) there was no need to keep the pretense going as it had served it’s purpose.

Cue countdown for inevitable dating rumours now that Spei Heidi and Spencer are about to become single and on the prowl again.

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Maybe those are the fashion police to take Snooki away for wearing a bedazzled “slut” t-shirt in public.  You just know Vogue over-lord Anna Wintour would give her 40 years at hard labor on principal alone.

In a totally not staged set up publicity stunt to remind everyone that the second season of Jersey Shore is currently underway, cast-member Snooki was arrested for “disorderly conduct” on the beach in Seaside Heights NJ, earlier this afternoon while shooting scenes for the show’s third season. 

Maybe I’m missing something, but isn’t Snooki (along with the rest of the cast),  supposed to be disorderly?  Isn’t that the whole point of the show??

Fear not, fellow cast-member J-Woww is apparently on her way (along with the camera crew) to bail Snooki out.  No doubt this will end well.

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Lawerence Fishburne’s 19 year old daughter (far left) is taking a page from the Kim Kardashian School of Famewhoring and taking it one step further. 

Not only is she staring in her very own sex-tape in an effort to get her career going, she’s not bothering with the pretense of shock and outrage at it being released by hiring a lawyer to pretend to try and stop it’s imminent arrival on Aug 18th.

In a press release, Montana said, “I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape by Vivid. I’m hoping the same magic will work for me. I’m impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities and this seemed like a great way to get started on it.”

Yeah, that’s what Shauna Sand thought when she had her sex tape released earlier this year through Vivid as well.  Who?  Exactly.

Although this picture was taken earlier this year, the look on Lawerence Fishburne’s face says it all.

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