No, this isn’t a game of gay touch football gone wrong. 

Adam Lambert, who courted a career as a pop star on American Idol, got upset when a paparazzi took his picture while on the beach in Miami, Florida yesterday.

Adam’s friend pulled him off the photographer before things got too out of hand, but the singer is now facing assault and battery accusations.  TMZ says the pap went to the police and milked it for all it’s worth.  Blah blah, “violently attacked” blah.  The cops have taken his statement and the complaint is pending investigation.  Cue lawsuit in 5..4..3…

Adam like everyone in his age group, went on Twitter (if you don’t post it, it hasn’t happened) and tried to brush the dust up off.

“Eeew paparazzi killed my peaceful afternoon on the beach! #howisthisok?”
 

Hahha the photos are hilarious !! Lol please everyone forgive me for that hat. – I was attempting a disguise- clearly failed. Hahah”

Can’t say I blame Adam for not wanting to get his picture taken in that get up.  HIDEOUS!

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Snooki debuted a sleeker hairstyle at the MTV VMA’s Sunday night that, dare I say, actually look pretty decent (pit about the rest of the ensemble).  Apparently the orange one has outgrown the pouf, having worn it since she was sixteen.  “I want to look more mature” Snooki told People.

In other Jersey Shore news, there seems to be growing division amongst the Guidos, specifically with The Situation stemming from his gig on Dancing For A Cheque.  Word is the abtastic Guido is getting too big for his britches for the other cast members liking.  “Mike doesn’t have any game.  He thinks he does, but he doesn’t”, Snooki told the tabloid, the irony clearly lost on her.

Will The Situation’s success outside of Jersey Shore make a failure of their made for reality TV home?  Stay tuned…

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Like a bad smell that you can’t get rid off, MTV constantly plugged Jersey Shore last night, even showing a new episode before the MVA pre-show in a shameless bid to increase ratings.

Hey, whatever works, right?

Love the mid-90′s boy-band look the guys are sporting.  Do you think it was intentionally retro? Shockingly, the transsexual Oompa Loompa’s hair actually looked good and there’s been no stories of fights or drunken behaviour from the rest of the cast at after parities.  Yet. 

L.A. is three hours behind us after all.  Stay tuned…

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The suddenly orange looking Bristol Palin made news again after insisting that her Dancing For A Cheque With The Stars outfits be modest “becasue that’s who I am” last week.  Right.  

ABC has released promo photos of the “stars” and their dancing partners.  That’s modest?  To be fair, her boobs aren’t hanging out and from what I can tell of that outfit, her hoo-hoo isn’t in danger of getting photographed, so this is probably as modest as it gets for DWTS. 

Will we get all sorts of juicy “Bristol is a super-bitch diva on the set” stories like we did with Kate Gosselin this past winter?  Bristol told Jay Leno the other night while making the media rounds to promote the show that (much like Kate proved with her own dancing) she’s “uncoordinated” and doesn’t have any rythm.” 

Stay tuned.

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Someone get this girl a hamburger and fries, quick!

After debuting her alarmingly slimmer body at the Emmy Awards this past weekend, Kelly went to see the Pussycat Dolls performance last night at the Viper Room in West Hollywood.

Love the dress, but the hat has got to go (looks like it came from the Bombshell McGee Nazi Wear Collection).

As you can see, Kelly needed assistance going from point A to point B. Presumably the downside to swearing off solid food for the past several months.

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Hair-raising. 

The Pittsburg Steelers safety and Head& Shoulders shill has had his lovely head of hair insured by the shampoo company for the upcoming NFL season (because hair pulling and random hair hacking is such a common occurrence on the football field).

Troy (who hasn’t had a haircut in 7 years) said in a statement ” It’s like J.Lo’s insured butt! Head & Shoulders has gone above and beyond by insuring my Samoan locks for a cool $1 million dollars. This reinforces that my full and thick hair is unstoppable.”

Why does Troy bother with a helmet when a can or two of hairspray or shellac on that mop would probably offer him more protection?

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One of these things, is not like the others.  Which one is it?  Can you tell?

If you guessed January Jones (Mad Men), you are correct.  While Claire Daines, Sue Sylvester, and (God help me) even Kate Gosselin rocked the red carpet, January looked like she lost a bet with that dress.  Don’t even get me started on the hair (although she seemed to find a brush by the  time she had to present something).

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Milking  the extra 15 minutes of fame that being a co-star with Heidi Motag in a sex tape which will probably never ever see the light of day (but will be mentioned as often as possible by Spiedi) has bought her, ex Playboy play-mate and Hugh Hefner play-thing Karissa Shannon went to Millions of Milkshakes along with boyfriend Sam Jones III (who’s apparently out on bail in regards to his involvement with an Oxycontin ring) to create a signature shake.

Ugh.  I can only imagine what it must taste like.  Possible ingredients include Oxycontin, drug deals, sex-tapes, lube, the floor of a porn shoot, silicone, desperation, and famewhoring. 

Whatever you do, don’t swallow.

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Teresa Giudice, the neanderthalesque cast member of Real Housewives of New Jersey with garish taste and no self control when it comes to shopping is laying the blame for all her financial woes squarely at the feet of Bravo.

Huh?

Apparently, right after declaring bankruptcy, Teresa and her husband Joe dropped over $60 thousand on new furniture for their new home.  The judge overseeing their case felt this was a little excessive, basically saying for people who claim to have no money, they should stick to shopping at Ikea.

Oooooh, BURN.

Lest you think that they spent $60k on furnishing the whole house, think again.  Over $8 000 went to drapes, with another $45 000 dropped on wall hangings, mirrors, tables and chairs.  (All their old crap is up for auction October 3rd to pay their creditors). 

Teresa’s lawyer whined to People that “she needed to re-buy furniture because she didn’t have any furniture in the house.  It’s a big house and she wanted furniture consistent with her style on the show. There is nothing wrong with doing that, except that it doesn’t look good for her to be doing it.”

You think?  With legal advice like that, is it any wonder the Giudice’s are in trouble?  Cripes. 

Meanwhile, some insider (probably Joe) told Popeater ”Everything would be settled by now, but because she is now famous everyone is using the situation to get press for themselves and humiliate her and her family [cough- Danielle Staub-cough]. It’s honestly got to the point where she’s not sure if she wants to come back for another season.  Teresa is sick of everyone knowing all her private financial business.  She didn’t sign up to be on ‘Housewives’ so that everyone could look into her bank account. Millions of couples go through what they are going through, except no one knows about it. It’s just not fair.”

Ah, the seldom used after age 10 but always entertaining “it’s not fair” arguement.  It’s scary to think that people with this attitude have reproduced, no?

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But on the plus side, at least her weave looks un-mangey.

You just know someone in her household asked Britney if she wanted help selecting an outfit for the day and she was all, “Nah, I gots this, y’all!”

Is this Britney’s way of lashing out at her father, who’s still in control of everything she does?  He’s made her give up going braless in public, looks like the budget weave has now been fixed, so now she’s reverted to going pantless.  Again.

At least Britney’s not really flashing us any vadge.  Yet.

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