What’s the title going to be, How To Pimp Out Your Kids For Fun and Profit?

Taking a cue from his ex-wife Kate who continues to write about her precious, precious little children while spending as little time with them as possible, Jon Gosselin is going to write about his parenting skills. 

Apparently, they’re so exemplary, he’s teaming up with “leadership coach” Sylvia Lafair, who’s worked with Jon over the past year to write a book about his role in raising the eight meal tickets.  An “insider” (Jon’s latest piece) tells Popeater that “Jon is still deciding what exactly the book will be about, but knows he wants to focus on his parenting skills” adding that interest in Jon from publishers is “huge”.  Yeah, this insider is totally being shtupped by Jon, both literally and figuratively.

The article goes on to say that the book won’t cover Jon’s very public separation and divorce from Kate, his party lifestyle with various young skanky famewhores, or that huge tacky Ed Hardy-esque dragon tattoo he recently got on his back .

Sounds like it’ll be riveting if it ever gets published.

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Apparently, one slightly insane, greedy, famewhore and her litter just isn’t enough to bring in the viewers, so Kate is packing up the kids and heading up to Alaska this weekend to go on a camping trip with the ex-governor made Fox News  pundent which will all be taped by TLC.

Is Sarah Palin doing this to drum up interest for her own reality series, Sarah Palin’s Alaska (the jokes almost write themselves) which is also going to be on TLC, or is she maneuvering to take another run at politics in 2012?

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Just when we thought it was safe to watch Dancing With The Stars (that’s a joke -it never is) too.

Kate Gosselin announced on her TLC Blog late yesterday that she’ll be returning to the show for the finale. 

“There better be one more dance left in me: Get ready for the DWTS finale on May 24, 25!!! I’ll be there. C’mon, I know you missed my unique dance style!”

Gotta say I’m conflicted.  While I really miss being able to… critique Kate’s “unique” dancing style (it simply hasn’t been the same without her), it’s actually pretty painful to watch.

You just know news of this is going to push her ex-dancing partner Tony Dovolani right over the edge.

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Colour me surprised.  I thought they’d keep her around for at least another week or two.

Ratings magnet or not, the votes came in and Kate Gosselin was told to pack her dancing shoes and go back to doing what she does best,  promoting her new book and general famewhoring (which she’s doing for the kids).

Kate seemed overly medicatedresigned even before the verdict was announced.  “Screw you guys, I’m going home!” she said.  Ok, she totally didn’t say that.  Kate actually said “I need a minute”, teared up and then added “I am so honored to have been here. It was a good experience. I cannot wait to watch the rest of these people Monday.” 

To her fan base (wait Kate has fans?) she said “”Thank you for believing in me probably more than I believed in myself.”

Awwwww.  If I had a feelings I’d be moved right about now.  Oh well, moving on….

Guess George Lopez’s involvement and Kate’s chain e-mail she sent out to friends asking them to vote for her before sending  it along to ten others and so on, and so on, and so on, (yes it actually came to that, and of course somone tipped off Life&Style) were all for naught.

Fear not!  Kate will be returning to TV this summer via TLC on a new show, as well as the return of Kate Plus Eight (no Jon though).

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I don’t know who to feel more sorry for (yes I do, me) Kate, her dancing partner Tony Dovolani, or everyone else who saw this “performance”  the actual routine starts at the 1:45 mark (don’t say you haven’t been warned)

It’s like watching a drunken prom queen with vertigo trying to ignore the bladder control accident that just occurred and failing miserably.   

Lest you think I’m being too harsh on the mother of eight and professional famewhore (who’s doing this for the kids, as she constantly reminds everyone), remember that she’s being paid $200 000 to embarrass herself on a weekly basis.  I’d embarrass myself on a weekly basis for half that amount.

Kate and her hapless partner (who’s smile increasingly looks like he’s wishing the ground to swallow him whole) were given another low score of 15 out of 30. 

George Lopez has jumped on the Kate band-wagon on his late night show, probably out of a twisted sense of irony (or underdog kinsmanship), urging people to vote for her on  KeepKate.com

Since Kate seems to be bringing in the ratings for ABC, low score or not, she’ll probably be back next week.

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So why is she on in the first place? Kates performance last night was so amazingly, jaw droppingly bad it was epic.  BTW the (non) dancing part starts at about 3:45

Good Idea- A dance based on what it’s like to constantly deal with the paps to Lady GaGa’s Paparazzi.

Bad Idea- When you only have one other person on stage with you representing the said scourge of photographers and have about as much grace moving about as a zombie.

Apparently, ex-husband Jon is using her appearance on Dancing with the Stars as an excuse to reopen their divorce case.  Now the douche is said to be seeking full custody of their litter as well as spousal support.

Something tells me Kate’s involvement with the show will only be an issue for another week, tops.

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Looks like those stories about Kate Gosselin acting like a diva on Dancing For A Cheque With The Stars weren’t so far fetched after all.

Apparently, her dancing partner Bruno Tolini walked out of rehearsal to give himself a moment after listening to Kate whine, complain, and bitch.  Bruno eventually returned and they managed to get through rehearsal without killing each other.

So much for Kate showing a softer side to herself (it clearly doesn’t exist) .  You just know Jon Gosselin is just loving every minute of this as well.

Bruno and Kate ended up scoring an uber low 15 on last night’s show.  Will Kate be given the heave ho tonight? 

Most of these shows get two types of contestants to compete, actual talents (Nicole, Evan) or “personalities”.  Guess we know which category Kate fits into, toxic as it is.

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Looks like Jon Gosselin is single again. 

InTouch Weekly (via Celebitchy) is reporting that Jon’s 25 year old girlfriend Morgan Christie has kicked his ass to the curb, deciding after a few months of dating that a 33 year old, dumpy looking,  unemployed father of eight just isn’t what she was looking for in a relationship.

Either that, or her wealthy parents threatend to cut her off, Morgan having gotten what she wanted out of it - invited to a few parties, made a spectacle of herself with him during Sundance, got mentioned in the press a few times, and horrified her family.  Mission accomplished, time to move on.

Wonder what Jon’s next move will be? 

Apparently, Jon’s said not to be happy about his ex-wife’s latest endeavor at famewhoring.  Kate is busy under-whelming people with her stint on Dancing For A Cheque (word is she’s going to bring in her litter to get the “awwwwww” vote), while ex girlfriends Hailey Glassman and Kate Major continue to debase themselves with their antics.

As for Morgan Christie, no doubt she’ll try to parlay all this into a career of some sort.  Count on it.

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I can’t tell the difference.  Is there a difference?

Personally, I liked the bob she was seen (briefly) sporting last week in New York City, it “softened” Kate somewhat.  Which is probably why it was so short lived.

Killer Kate debuted her new weave at some speaking engagement thingy over the weekend, before returning today to start work again on Dancing For A Cheque.

Speaking of which, the New York Post reports that she’s not getting along with the cast and crew and is pulling the diva card.  Kate Gosselin a diva?

SHOCKING!

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Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Author, mother, Dancing with the Stars contestant and perpetual Drill Sergant Kate Gosselin had her highly reviled weave taken out to expose a shorter bob like ‘do yesterday in Manhattan.  

Not bad, but a little soccer mom/Anna Wintour-ish for my liking. 

Apparently, this is a temporary look for Kate.  Radar Online says she’s heading back into the salon later today to have new (hopefuly better looking) extentions put back in.

Word is Kate’s going for a new look for her Dancing for a Cheque gig.   Rock on, Kate.  Rock on.

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