Poor Jon Gosselin (words I thought I’d never, ever type or say).

First, psychotic ex-girlfriend and wanna-be famewhore Hailey Glassman announces to the world that he’s hung like a nine year old (classy!), and went on to post a photo on Twitter claiming it was his penis (since taken down).  I didn’t look myself, as my eyeballs and retinas can only take so much abuse.   

Now Playgirl has come calling, offering Jon $20 k to get nekkid for a photo shoot.  Apparently in the highly unlikely event that Jon agrees to do it (although a cheque is a cheque) and his overlords and TLC sign off on it,  it’ll be more of lark than anything else .

Playgirl spokesminion Daniel Nardicio says if Jon’s interested he should do it.  “I said maybe $20,000 maybe for the novelty factor. No offense, but I don’t think he’s that attractive. People aren’t going to be like, ‘Ooh, it’s going to be a hot shoot.’  I doubt he will do it but I’m sure he would love the attention that Levi got. It would be hilarious, but I’m not going to offer him that much.”

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TLC’s golden-girl is going to join the ranks of the motley collection of has-beens, famewhores, and never-was’ to strut her stuff on ABC’s reality show competition.

Should be interesting to see who she ends up being partnered with and whether or not she’ll berate him on camera.  (You know if it’s Max the fur will fly- he’s as much of a bitch as she is).

Apparently, the producers of the show are letting Kate prepare her routines near her home in Pennsylvania, instead of on the west coast, since she pulled the single mother of 8 card yet again.   

Of course, Kate is pulling her now patended “doing this for the kids”.. blah blah blah song and dance.  Her involvement with Dancing for a Cheque probably has nothing to do with her new book, Letters To My Children Even The Ones That Made Fun Of My Weave and Made Me Cry that’s being published later this spring.  Wonder how many times she manages to plug it while in front of the cameras?

Dancing with the stars starts on March 21

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And call off their dogs.  But will they kiss and make up?

Apparently deciding that the potential lure of “Stubby’s” 8 little children to potential audiences ($ka-ching) was too great of an opportunity to miss out on, the network “has reached a settlement with Jon Gosselin and will be undertaking procedural steps to conclude the litigation. All terms of the settlement are confidential. The whole Gosselin family remain under contract with TLC.” the network said in a released statement.

Sound’s like Kate, black sheep of the TLC family Jon, and their spawn may all be back on the air before the end of the year.

Somewhere out there, Kate Major, Michael Lohan and Hailey Glassman are all losing heir sh*t over this, wondering how they can each make this story about them.

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Figuratively speaking, as the literal part of this title already occurred, which is why she’s an expert.

Joining Hailey Glassman in her burgeoning cottage industry of hating Jon Gosselin, Kate Major told Life & Style that “Jon was pretty boring and nothing exciting. I’m surprised he’s so ‘cocky’ because down there he’s not.” 

Thanks for putting that image in our minds Kate.   

Kate Major’s the genius who quit her job as a reporter at Star Magazine while working on a story on Jon Gosselin last summer to be with him, then tried to claim he promised her a job using a supposed contract written on a cocktail napkin as proof after their relationship went south, finally ending up with Michael Lohan.  Her taste in men is really something, isn’t it?  Good thing she’s not bitter or holds a grudge.

Endowed like a gerbil or not, to quote Tom Arnold, “Even a 747 looks small when flying over the Grand Canyon“.

If I have to write one more post because some ho starts talking about Gosselin’s junk as she was stupid enough to sleep with him, I’m going to severely traumatized.

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That she’s still famewhoring and isn’t going to stop.  Ever.  Oh yeah, and she fixed her busted weave too.

Kate Gosselin is going the route of author again, having a book published this spring called I Just Want You To Know: Letters to my Kids on Love, Faith and Family. 

Awwwwww!  Sounds heartwarming.  Except not.

Apparently, the book will contain excerpts from her personal journal, tracking her rise from frumpy nobody to celebrity famewhore, woman wronged and tabloid fodder.  It will also contain eight individual letters to her children, even the two that made her cry when they made fun of her hair extentions.  No word if there’ll be a letter to Jon in the special deluxe edition.

I’m sure it will be filled with all sorts of insights that we have never ever heard from her before, except of course for just about every time she’s interviewed. 

Meh.

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The Father and Ex-husband of the year (not to mention complete douchebag) has apparently approcahed the network, offering to hand over his kids allowing them to film his kids again if they back off on their lawsuit against him for breach of contract, according to Radar Online.

Guess things must be getting tight for him, what with a rumoured five figure per month child support payment he’s supposed to make and no viable way to come up with that kind of money being barred from famewhoring by court order.  Also?  He’s totally going to lose that breach of contract suit this spring and he knows it. 

TLC for their part, are having none of it, saying in a statement, “The Court has validated our view that Mr. Gosselin has a valid, binding contract and that he has breached it repeatedly. Step one – getting the court to order Mr. Gosselin to comply with his contractual obligations – has been accomplished. Any further breaches going forward will be violations of a court order. We look forward to the next phase of the litigation, which is to pursue our claim for damages resulting from Mr. Gosselin’s numerous breaches.”

In other words, Bitch is going down!

Jon’s lawyer responded with both a threat and a promise, saying “You haven’t seen the last of Jon Gosselin.”

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This photo proves it.

He may have a court order against giving interviews and appearing on tabloid TV shows, but Jon Gosselin is determined to famewhore anyway he can.

Hence his presence at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah with his new piece Morgan Christie.

Apparently, the two met over the US Thanksgiving weekend while skiing there (where she has family) and have been an item ever since.  Some “insider” (probably Jon himself ) actually had the balls to say without a hint of irony that “he’s trying his best to keep her out of the spotlight while he tries to figure out his life.”

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…..because going on a ski vacation while the Sundance Film Festival is under way is such an underground and off the grid thing to do.  Wonder if he’s tried to help himself to any swag at the gifting centres around town yet?

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“Ewwwwwwww”

According to a source that spoke to Us Weekly, that was the reaction of a couple of Kate’s girls when they saw her new ‘do.  Grown up that Kate is, she ran to her room and cried.  What is she?  An emotionally distraught 15 year old?  (That question was rhetorical).

The source goes on to say that Kate isn’t crazy about her Britney Spears-esqe Reject Weave either, saying “She hates it! She thinks her hair looks over­processed and damaged. She’s afraid people will think she’s one of Tiger Woods’ bimbos!”

Apparently, Kate brought in a professional to help her out (the one responsible for the weave in the first place has since gone into the Wit-less Protection Program) and try out different looks, from Farah Fawcett circa mid-1970′s, to ponytails. 

I’d suggest starting over from scratch, although the longer hair does soften her somewhat (at least until she opens her mouth).  Ken Paves, if your out there, now’s your chance to shine!

Moral of the story (such as it is) beware “celebrity” hairdressers that charge exorbinate amounts of  money ($7000) and take 20 hours to do what can be done for a fraction of the price and time.

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Jon Gosselin came home to his New York City apartment from visiting his litter over the holidays to find that he’s been burgled.

Some property was taken (a ming vase, a Wii, a CD player, the TV, dishes, pots, pans and a coffee maker) while other things were slashed, including the bedding, Jon’s shoes and his famous Ed Hardy T-shirt collection.  NOOOOOOOO!  

Oh come on now.  Who’s kidding who?  A famewhore with financial woes claims that $100 000 worth of his property is stolen or ruined, about the same time an angry ex-girlfriend has said he owes her money and was actually seen moving things out of the same apartment, which is where she was living until recently?  Bitch, please.

Playing the victim-card to the tilt, Jon’s lawyer issued a statement full of hyperbole, saying when Jon entered his apartment in Manhattan, “he was “horrified, disheartened and saddened to observe the devastation of his furniture, clothing and personal belongings, which were apparently slashed with a butcher knife by a very troubled and sick perpetrator.  The greatest damage from this vicious, mean spirited and heartless crime was perpetrated not on Jon’s property and possessions, but on Jon Gosselin himself, who experienced a traumatic, emotional, roller coast ride having just shared a joyful family gathering with his children during their Christmas.”

And if you somehow managed to read through that without rolling your eyes, pat yourself on the back, as you have a stronger stomach than I are a better person than I am.

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Here I thought someone had dropped or thrown a bucket of water on her…

Kate Gosselin, who seems to have kept a somewhat low profile lately (unlike her ex), has made the list of one of Barbara Walter’s Most Facinating People.

Apparently, Kate has a sad case of the sads as Jon stopped production of Jon and Kate plus 8 almost immediately after getting dumped by TLC for his douchebag behavior, deciding suddenly that the show was detremental to shi children’s well being.  Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Kate tells Babs her kids all miss the camera crews and the fiming.  Kate says they all sobbed when she admitted to them the show was over.  Now replace “the kids” with “Kate” and this story sounds a little more plausable.

Fear not though!  Kate say she’ll be back on television as she’s working on a talk show.  Topics will probably include motherhood, bashing Jon (not that he doesn’t deserve it), betrayl, the kids, bashing Jon some more, the paparazzi, the media, and thinly veiled bitchery aimed at Jon.  You know, just like Jon and Kate plus 8, minus Jon and the 8.  Sounds like a blast.

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