It seems like it, doesn’t it?   I’m really starting to get sick of these two morons.  Anyhoodle, moving on…

After several more tapes over the past couple of days of Mel going off like a longshoreman with Tourette’s Syndrome and a respiratory problem have been leaked, Radar is now giving us a break from the audio version of the lunacy and posted a picture that was supposedly taken after Mel punched Oksana in the face (twice), breaking her teeth while she was holding their kid.

Mel is an absolute asshole to be sure, but it seems more and more likely that not everything is exactly as it appears. 

There’s a lack of a split or swollen lip (collagen injections notwithstanding) for someone who just had their teeth knocked out/chipped in that photo.  The story was that one of her teeth had been knocked out, but the photo looks like the before pic of someone getting veneers, speaking of which, Oksana’s dentist claimed she wouldn’t look at the camera when the photo was taken, but she’s clearly looking at it in the photo Radar released.   Perplexing!

Also?  An audio forensics expert was on Good Morning America the other day and said those tapes were certainly doctored.  Yes, Mel said the words, absolutely.  However,  Oksana was a recording artist back in Mother Russia.  Stands to reason she’d know a couple of sound editors.  Hmmmmm.

Meanwhile, the judge handling Oksana and Mel’s custudy case refused to take away his visitation rights (even though he’s being investigated for domestic violence).  Mel’s ex-wife Robyn went on the record supporting Mel saying he was never violent to her or their kids in almost 30 years of marriage.

Apparently, Mel’s legal team will be meeting with LA County Sheriff’s Department, pushing for an investigation into Oksana, who they say was trying to extort money from Mel with these tapes and photo(s).

The big question though, is why hasn’t Gloria Allred become invloved yet?

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Do not mess with Uncle Jesse (John Stamos).

The actor (Full House, ER, Glee) was embroiled in an extortion case by two scam artists who claimed to have pictures of him in a compromising situation with one of them late last year.

The pair wanted almost $1 million dollars in exchange for “proof” that  the actor was with then 17 year old Alison Cross, who claimed that Stamos picked her up in a Orlando area bar in 2004 and tried to have sexy times with her before doing coke off of a strippers ass (he was married at the time).  Never mind the fact that the legal drinking age is 21 in Florida and most establishments are very strict about showing ID. 

After four days of testimony Cross and her partner in crime, Scott Sippola, were found guilty and could spend the next several years behind bars.  None of those pictures they claimed to posses ever surfaced. 

John Stamos released a (really long-winded) statement about the case, saying, “I would like to thank the court, the FBI and the US Attorney’s office for their swift and efficient dealings in connection with this case.  I am shocked and perplexed how individuals could fabricate so many false stories in an effort to defend a crime. I agreed to be a witness for a federal criminal prosecution and endured countless false accusations about my behavior and appropriateness.  The allegations made regarding an inappropriate relationship are completely untrue. These slanderous allegations to smear my reputation were part of their defense to redirect attention away from the federal crime of extortion. There was no hot tub, no drugs, no nudity and nothing sexual in nature involved in my friendship with this woman. They lied about everything from a pregnancy to compromising photos. I’m grateful these two criminals have been found guilty and I plan to go home to be with my family and friends and prepare to get back to work.”

I think the Cross and Sippola should be forced to watch every single Olsen Twins movie ever made during their incarceration.  Cruel and unusual punishment yes, but well deserved.

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This just continues to get worse and worse (yet more fascinatingly entertaining at the same time).  

Mad Mel Gibson fresh from having more tapes released of him yelling and screaming at his gold-digging baby mama Oskana Gregorieva, (and using various racial slurs) was dumped over the weekend by his agency, William Morris Endeavor Entertainment.

Depending on who you believe, Mad Mel always planned on leaving the agency after his agent shrugged off this mortal coil (he died July 3rd) or agency partner Ari Emanuel, who’s hated Gibson ever since his anti-semetic tirade in 2006, was behind the split, but had to put up with Gidson’s presence for Mel’s agent sake.

Also?  The police have opened an investigation over the possibility of domestic violence in the Gibson-Gregorieva relationship, apparently expressing concern that she didn’t come forward when the alleged assault took place.

As for Gold-digger, she’s said to have “no idea” who leaked the tapes (sure she doesn’t) but thinks “it’s terrible”.  Well, of course it is!  It’s harder to extort money from someone when what you had on them has been let out of the bag, so to speak. 

Radar  says the reason for all this drama in the first place is that Mad Mel had Gold-digger sign a cohabitation agreement, preventing her from claiming any of his fortune if they went their separate ways. 

Will Mad Mel be able to climb back into Hollywood’s good graces or is he completely done, like a drunken prom queen behind the bleachers?  Will Gold-digger manage to get some of Mel’s money or except for Child Support (which trumps everything) is she SOL?

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These make that whole “Sugar Tits” thing from a few years back pale in comparison.

As you know, Mel’s ex-girlfriend, professional gold-digger Oksana Grigorieva claims that Mel beat her up this past January, leaving her bruised and with two broken teeth (she left him this spring). Mel and his legal team have denied this, claiming it was only a yelling match, with both sides issuing restraining orders on one another. 

Apparently, Mel is refusing to cough up the money Oksana is likely almost certainly seeking from him, and a tape was leaked to Radar last week, where the actor is heard saying, “You look like a f*cking pig in heat.  If you get raped by a pack of n*ggers, it’ll be your fault.”   

Now another tape has been released, where Mel tells Oksana “You know what?  You f*cking deserved it”, when she asks him what kind of a man would hit a woman twice in the face while holding a child in her hands.

Opps.

Oksama claims that she started to secretley tape Mel after he threatened to kill her.  No word yet if the police or Child Protective Services in Malibu have become involved, but it wouldn’t be surprising if they start an investigation. 

As for the probable shake-down attempt, I don’t think Mel will be forking over any money to Oksana now that she’s exposed him.  Do you?

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Greed also apparently has a last name – Douglas.

Diandra Douglas is taking ex-husband Michael to court, seeking half of all the money he earns from his upcoming film, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. (Dumbest.  Title.  Ever).

Diandra divorced Michael in 2000, getting a hefty $45 million settlement from the actor, including half of any money he earns from merchandise, residuals, or spin-offs from movies he made from the time they got married in 1977.

Diandra’s argument is that Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps is a spin-off, so it qualifies under the terms of the divorce settlement, while Michael is claiming that it’s a sequel, so she shouldn’t get anything. 

Yeah, I thought a spin-off and a sequel were basically the same thing too, but apparently not.  At least not legally.  Sequels are separate entities from the original work entirely, while a spin-off takes the premise and/or characters from the original work and puts them in a different environment or medium. 

Stay tuned.  This fight’s just getting started.

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Tennis legend Martina Navratilova is paying off ex-partner Toni Layton $3 million in hush money to prevent her from exposing her “secrets” in a long legal match.

The two had been together for eight years, breaking up in January 2008, when Martina gave Toni the heave-ho.  Apparently, Toni didn’t take it too well (or appreciate the $200 000  settlement Martina initially offered).

Toni previously claimed , “There are a lot of skeletons in Martina’s closet. It is more like a storage facility full of them, and I know them all”.

Just remember kids, threatening to expose a person’s secrets for money yourself is a major no-no (extortion is illegal), unless you hire a lawyer to do it on your behalf, in which case any money handed over is called a ”settlement”.  See?  It’s not just how you say it, but who says it that matters. 

Cue stampede of Martina’s previous ex’s to come out of the woodwork, looking for payouts or to sell their stories to the tabloids in 5…4…3….

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The Queen will not be amused.

The Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, has been caught taking bribes to gain access to Prince Andrew, her ex-husband (and fourth in line to the crown).

In the videotaped sting, Fergie tells an undercover reporter who was posing as a wealthy businessman that she wants $40 000 up front, with another $500 000 in future payments for getting access to the Royal family.  Prince Andrew volunteers as a rep for the UK’s international trade and investment.

Fergie’s spokesminion has confirmed that the video is the real deal and that the duchess is devastated over the embarrassment this will cause.  In other words, she’s very, very, sorry she got caught.  

Silly Fergie!  Have you not been paying attention to the media lately?  The way to strike it rich these days is to become a mistress to some married celeb, then hire Gloria Allred to try and shake him down for you.

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Looks like that heated battle over wages between Summit Entertainment, Ashley Green (Alice Cullen) and Kellan Lutz (Emmett Cullen) has been resolved.

According to Deadline Hollywood, both actors are getting a total of $2.5 million for both Breaking Dawn films (not bad, but a steep drop from the $4 million they were supposedly seeking). 

Although an official announcement has yet to be made, it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion at this point that Summit will be breaking the story into two separate films, laughing all the way to the bank in the process.

Maybe Kellan and Ashley will take some of that hard earned money and invest in some acting lessons.  Couldn’t hurt.

.

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Negotiations must have been tense, since it went down to the last minute.

Despite his legal, marriage, and substance abuse troubles this year, Charlie got a significant raise from his $850 K per episode salary (rumour is he’ll be now getting over $1.3 million), signing on for two more years of essentially playing himself in Two and A Half Men.

In a statement released by his spokesminion, Charlie said, “To put a fitting end on the 2-1/2 months of whirlwind speculation, I’m looking forward to returning to my CBS home on Monday nights.”

At least $1.3 million per episode?  Given Charlie’s well deserved reputation, what percentage do you think will go towards hookers and blow?

As for those assault charges stemming from his assault on soon to be ex-wife Brooke Mueller in Denver over Christmas, word is that a deal is being made between the DA and Charlie’s legal team that will see him serve six weeks in a Colorado County Jail.

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Looks like there’s a lot of behind the scenes drams happening with the Breaking Dawn, the fourth story in the Twilight Saga.

Summit Entertainment wants to split the story with it’s two narratives into two separate movies, releasing them in the fall of 2011 and summer 2012.  Author Stephenie Meyer has signed off on the plan as has director Bill Condon.  The leads are close to being locked in for a fifth movie as well, but according to the Hollywood Reporter, actors Kellan Lutz (Emmett Cullen) and Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen) are seeking a bigger pay day, apparently finding what Summit is offering “offensive” considering what the franchise has made.  

Risky move.

Summit is known to be tight with a buck, and has played hardball before. Last summer Rachel Lefevre (Victoria) was kicked to the curb and replaced with Bryce Dallas Howard for the third film, Eclipse.  Fans complained and Summit’s reputation took a hit, but it didn’t exactly stop people from going to see New Moon in droves.

Will a deal with Greene and Lutz be made, or will Summit risk fan backlash again by replacing one or even both of the actors? 

Haters to the left.

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