Come to think of it, is there anything left walking/breathing that Butler hasn’t supposedly hooked up with at this point? 

 Hollywood Life is reporting that the Madonna and Gerard Butler were seen bumping and grinding away at some after Oscar party on the dance floor, so of course they’re totally doing it.  Then again, Bonnie Fuller and company also think dressing up a three year old girl in anything but gender specific clothing, accessories and hair styles will lead to “issues”, so two people of the opposite gender seen in each other’s company automatically = sex.

Whatever.

Madonna  and Gerry maybe back in his 300 or Dracula 2000 days, but now?  Highly unlikely.  The Big M likes ‘em young (Jesus) or smokin’ hot (Adam Senn).  Gerry doesn’t exactly fit the bill for either. 

As for Gerry’s seemly trimmer waistline on Oscar night, word is that’s in large part  due to Manx (Spanx for men).

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Sadness.

I remember the days (long since long gone) when a sex tape really was a scandal and not a desperate ploy of a famewhore trying to launch a career.  Kim Kardashian, take a bow for ruining it for everybody else.

Now comes word that Rozlyn Papa, The Bachelor contestant made famous by vying for Fly-boy Jake’s affections, only to get the heave-ho for having an inappropriate relationship with a producer, has an alledged sex-tape that’s now become available on line.

Yawn.

Apparently, Pornhub.com has a tape in which you see a woman going south on a fairly well endowed guy.  Well, if nothing else, at least Papa’s has her standards (allegedly).

Papa’s maintains she has “no knowledge ” of any sex tape.  How very Carrie Prejean of her.

How long do you think it’ll take before one surfaces featuring the woman Fly-boy Jake ended up picking, Vienna Girardi (Hailey Glassman Version 2.0)?  Cue the countdown!

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Earlier this winter after the Golden Globes, pictures serviced of Jeremy Piven and January Jones were seen leaving a party together. 

Didn’t think I’d top that so soon afterwards, but last night at the post Oscar Vanity Fair party, celebutard Peaches Geldof (20) and actor/director Eli Roth (37) were seen together. 

Maybe she’s hoping to be cast in his next film?

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This is one way to guarantee more screen time for yourself on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Kim Zolciak, the blonde with the penchant for really bad wigs that looks like a drag queen with the “hit” Tardy for the Party is now a lesbian.  According to US Magazine, Kim’s been dating DJ Tracy Young for the past three months.  Apparently, they met last year when Tracy produced a remix of Kim’s song.  

Hmmm.  A reality TV famewhore with an aspiring music career suddenly finds true love with an established female DJ.  What are the odds?   What will Kim’s main frenemy and fellow RHOAco-hort Nene have to say about all this? 

Kim for her part, still insists she’s with her married boyfriend Big Papa (guess the third seasons going to revolve around her coming out). I foresee total dyke drama in the making here. 

No word if Tracy Young received her toaster yet.

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Looks like someone really found an actual heart beating inside American Idol’s Simon Cowell and stole it.

Mezhgan Hussainy, a 36 year old make up artist confirmed to Radar that she is indeed engaged to the 50 year old gruff music producer and Ellen DeGeneres nemisis.

Simon’s spokesminion would neither confirm or deny Mezhgan’s statement, only saying  “They are very suited. She is someone who is independent and says what she thinks and feels, and he likes that. He’s probably the happiest I have ever known him in the nine years I’ve been working with him.”

Awwwww…. if I still had feelings, they’d be moved.

No word on when they’ll walk down the isle, but Simon, who’s worth over $200 million (no wonder she’s smiling) probably won’t step one foot onto it without a completley iron clad pre-nup. 

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Looks like the first graduate of the Rachel Uchitel and Nicole Forester School of F*ckery has passed with flying colours.

Stefani Talbot a 25 year old stripper from Oregon has gone running to both the Enquirer and In Touch to talk about her affair with Matthew Fox (LOST).

According to Steph, “I was dancing onstage, and I made eye contact with him immediately. I got so excited when I thought about all the money I could make off of this if I played my cards right.  He asked me, ‘Why are you working in a place like this?’ I told him that I am a single mom and needed the money.”

That should have been Fox’s first clue to get away from her as fast as he could. 

Steph goes on to say that Fox didn’t have a wedding ring that she can remember or mention a wife or kids.  Apparently, protection wasn’t bothered with when they hooked up (cue possible pregnancy announcement when she burns through the money for the interviews with the Enquirer and In Touch).  She also says that he didn’t tell her “to keep it a secret or anything.”

Of course, Steph says she can prove all of this as she has text messages and voice-mails. 

Fos his part, Fox’s spokesminion says Steph is a lying liar who lies. 

Here’s the thing, if it’s lies, Fox should sue her ass for slander.  Even if it’s just to get an apology since the “poor single mother, trying to make ends meet” card will surely be played.   I’m sure they met.  I’m sure Talbot gave him a lap dance too.  They either screwed around or not. 

Either way, she probably tried to blackmail him and then went to the tabloids when that didn’t work out. 

Another possibility is Fox left a trail on purpose, wanting to get caught in order to get out of his marriage.  Sounds weird and convuloted, but maybe he was trying to drive a point home or have the decision taken away from him.

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Hear that sound?

It’s the sound of Twilight fanatics all over the world screaming in excitement at being proven correct.

Why? 

Robert Pattinson confirmed to The Sun at Sunday nights BAFTA awards in London that he and co-star Kristen Stewart are dating, ending months of “are they are aren’t they” speculation. 

Wait a minute, didn’t he previously say he’s allergic to vage?

“It is extremely difficult but we are together, yes.  We can’t arrive at the same time because of the fans. It goes crazy. This was supposed to be a public appearance as a couple, but it’s impossible. We are here together and it’s a public event, but it’s not easy.  We have to do all this stuff to avoid attention”.

Very interesting timing this announcement.  Eclipse, the third film in the Twilight Saga opens in late June, meaning heavy promotion is just about to get underway. 

Regardless of whether they’re dating friends with benefits or playing the game, these two should get some pointers from Brangelina.  They’ve been dealing with this kind of attention for over five years.

UPDATE- That paradigm of journalistic integrity The Sun strikes again.  They did talk to Pattison at the BAFTA awards and interview him, but they spun the question “Are you here with Kristen Stewart?” as if they asked him to confirm if they were dating which he did not.  Look at the quote from him above and his answer becomes much more clear.  Of course, people are going to believe what they want.  I believe I’ll have another drink.

BTW – Haters to the left.

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I found Jesus!  He was on the dancefloor with Madonna.  

After breakup rumours about the big M and Jesus breaking up a short time ago, followed by more rumours that Madonna already found a replacement boyfriend with a young Peter Gallagher look-a-like model, she was spotted in Rio with Jesus, dancing up a storm in some club before being whisked back to their hotel (pictured above).

Question is they’re together, but are they together together? (Forever and ever and ever?) 

We all wait with baited breath.  Come on Big M, don’t keep us guessing too long.

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This story just becomes more and more bizarre with each passing day.

Long story short.  Sen. John Edwards, is that extra skeezy US politician who stepped out on his cancer stricken wife Elizabeth (who by all accounts was no real prize herself) with a woman named Rielle Hunter and fathered her kid, then had his equally creepy aide Andrew Young help cover it up, posing as Hunter’s significant other.

Of course the story broke and truth eventually leaked out, with people asking all involved various questions about their behavior and motives.  Elizabeth initially stayed with John, while Young went on to write a book about the whole thing (natch) then went on how there was a sex tape of Edwards and Hunter and that he’d be forced, (forced!) to sell it if people didn’t buy his book.

Rielle got wind of this and had a Judge slap Andrews with an injunction, forcing him to hand over the sex-tape (give it about six months and it’ll turn up on the Internet somehow).  Meanwhile, Elizabeth decided that John’s future prospects weren’t that good and quit his ass, filing for divorce long after anyone sane would have thrown in the towel.

Now comes word via ABC news that she’s suing Andrews of all people over her husband’s behavior, citing “alienation of affection” apparently mad that Andrew’s didn’t come to her beforehand when he became aware of the fling or just pissed that he’s getting his fifteen minutes of fame and money out of this.  Silly woman, haven’t you heard of “bros before hos?”

This sounds more and more like a convuluted plot from The Simpsons involving Mr Burns, Smithers, Burns’ mother and a guest character/star.

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Jesus, that was quick!   Sorry, but I couldn’t resist one last go at it.  The jokes, they write themselves, I tell ya.  Ok, moving on…

Having split up with or being dumped by Jesus Luz (depending on where you read about it) mostly due to their 300 years age difference, reports keep surfacing that the Big M has already found a new employee, boy-friend, arm-candy, and babysitter in Spanish model Jon Kortajarena. 

Until we see pics of them together I’m not entirely buying it, although Jon is far more age appropriate being 24 as opposed to Jesus’ 23.

Most pictures show him looking sulky/sexy which actually sort of makes Jon look constipated.  If the two are indeed an item and Madonna treats him the way she supposedly treated Jesus (with his own apartment, and $10 ooo allowance per month) we should see pictures of Jon smiling soon enough.

Is it just me or does he look like Peter Gallagher circa 1981?

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