Does this mean she’s actually literate? 

Snooki, the transsexual Oompa Loompa of Jersey Shore, will be releasing “her” first novel early next year.  Tentatively titled A Shore Thing, the plot follows a young woman as she looks for love on the boardwalk.  Fighting, drinking, and fist pumping ensues.

I’m just shocked that it’s not going to be a pop-up scratch and sniff on par with the likes of Go Dog Go.

In a press release, Snooki supposedly wrote, “I’m pumped to announce to my fans a project that I’ve been working on for some time. This book will have you falling in love at the shore. It’s A Shore Thing!”

Oh for the love of….

Do you think Snooki’s book will make it onto Oprah’s Book Club?

Tweet This Post

In the one corner we have a slightly insane gruff talk show host, in the other a transsexual Oompa Loompa who’s brought back the POUF out of retirement already (that was quick).

Wait. What???

Do you think Snookie is afraid that people won’t recognize her if she doesn’t wear it?  Come on!  How many transsexual Oompa Loompas can there be?

Tweet This Post

Looks like The Situation isn’t the only cast member to start branching out. Word is Playboy is offering Jenni Farley (J-Woww of the New Jersey Wowws) a cool $400 000 to bare it all in an upcoming issue of the magazine.

Put down your eyedrops.  Nothing’s been signed as of yet and J-Woww’s contract with MTV may prevent her from showing everything she has to offer.  Rumour is she’ll still earn at least $200 000 for appearing in the magazine, but the price will go up depending how much augmented orange skin she agrees or is allowed to show. 

$200 000 minimum?  Woww.

Tweet This Post

Snooki debuted a sleeker hairstyle at the MTV VMA’s Sunday night that, dare I say, actually look pretty decent (pit about the rest of the ensemble).  Apparently the orange one has outgrown the pouf, having worn it since she was sixteen.  “I want to look more mature” Snooki told People.

In other Jersey Shore news, there seems to be growing division amongst the Guidos, specifically with The Situation stemming from his gig on Dancing For A Cheque.  Word is the abtastic Guido is getting too big for his britches for the other cast members liking.  “Mike doesn’t have any game.  He thinks he does, but he doesn’t”, Snooki told the tabloid, the irony clearly lost on her.

Will The Situation’s success outside of Jersey Shore make a failure of their made for reality TV home?  Stay tuned…

Tweet This Post

Like a bad smell that you can’t get rid off, MTV constantly plugged Jersey Shore last night, even showing a new episode before the MVA pre-show in a shameless bid to increase ratings.

Hey, whatever works, right?

Love the mid-90′s boy-band look the guys are sporting.  Do you think it was intentionally retro? Shockingly, the transsexual Oompa Loompa’s hair actually looked good and there’s been no stories of fights or drunken behaviour from the rest of the cast at after parities.  Yet. 

L.A. is three hours behind us after all.  Stay tuned…

Tweet This Post

Oh the shame! 

Not for being a drunken mess that got hauled into jail late July for disorderly conduct, or for having to show up to court today looking (dare I say it, respectable). 

Nor is it because Snooki pleaded guilty to “disturbing the public’s enjoyment of the beach”, and having to do two days of community service or pay a $533 fine.

No, it was the crack the judge overseeing her case made, calling the orange one a “rude, self indulgent Lindsay Lohan wanna be”.

Oh. Snap.

Que countdown to an “exclusive” interview with Dina Lohan on one of the bottom feeding tabloid TV shows, breathless with anger over this latest slight against her daughter.

Tweet This Post

Showing a modicum of common sense that she normally doesn’t display on Jersey Shore (yeah, yeah, it’s all in the editing), the transsexual Oompa Loompa has turned down possible stalker with rage issues and wanna be famewhore Jeff Mirranda’s marriage proposal, making sure we also know she’s single via her Twitter account.

Oooh.  Burn.

So long Jeff, we hardly knew thee.

Tweet This Post

Talk about an indecent proposal.  

Jeff Mirranda, the famewhore who’s been dating the transsexual Oompa Loompa of Jersey Shore for all of four weeks, is proposing to her on the new cover of Steppin’ Out magazine.

Lest you wonder if Steppin’ Out is lowering it’s standards with this, previous cover subjects include Danielle Staub (Real Housewives of New Jersey) and embittered Jon Gosselin cast-off Haley Glassman, so that would be a “no”.

More details about Jeff Miranda’s past have also come to light.  Apparently an ex girlfriend had to put a restraining order on him for threatening to kill her and choking her.  In Jersey Shore parlance, that’s considered foreplay.

Jeff says that after Snooki “deals with the shock, I think she’ll say yes”.

Egads.  If Snooki does say yes (she’s just crazy enough to consider it), could a Jersey Shore Wedding Special be in the works?  Cue apocalypse.

source

Tweet This Post

If ever anyone needed proof that life isn’t always fair, this would be it.

Mike Sorentino (aka The Situation) on Jersey Shore is estimated to make about $5 million by the end of 2010, according to the Hollywood Reporter. 

As they’ve broken it down, The Sitch is earning about $60 thousand per epsidoe for the third season, and pulls in anywhere from $15 to $50 thousand per appearance.  He’s also signed to shill for Vitamin Water, Reebok , produce a clothing line for Dilligaf, has a workout tape, a single on i-tunes, and reportedly has a six figure deal with Gotham Books to write his autobiography, Here’s the Siuation.

Who knew doing nothing but going to the boardwalk, clubbing and GTL (gym/tan/laundry) could be so lurative?

Cue countdown for inevitable Jersey Shore/Situation backlash any moment now (not to mention gold-diggers and lawsuits).  It’s one thing to see people make total fools of themselves on TV, it’s another when they’re so successful at it, they become millionaires.

UPDATE – Better make that about $6 million.  Word on the street as of late last night that the Sitch has signed on for the latest installment of  Dancing For A Cheque With The Stars.  Seems ABC is keen to get younger viewers interested in the show by signing up youth orientated reality stars (other rumoured additions include The Hills’ Audrina Patridge, R&B has-been Brandy, and NFL star Kurt Warner).  The official line up will be announced August 30.

Tweet This Post

The resident transexual Oompa Loompa of Jersey Shore kicked her last boyfriend to the curb for being a famewhore, yet it looks like history is repeating itself with her latest fling.

She’s now dating Jeff Miranda, a 24 year old Iraq war Vetran that she meet at Karma, one of the watering holes she and the other cast members go to get drunk and create mayham (all for the cameras, of course).

Apparently, Miranda has no interest whatsoever in being in front of the cameras (cough-bullsh*t-cough), having scored interviews with both  Us and People, in which he told the later, ”If they offered me to be on the show over Nicole, I’d say no. I said, ’F*ck the cameras, let’s run away.’ I want people to stop hating. It’s not about fame, it’s about me being happy.”

Cue eye-roll.

Miranda fancies himself something of an aspiring actor, with a profile (since deleted) on GotCast.Com, a website devoted to helping people land bit parts in TV and film.  Word is he auditioned for Jersey Shore back when producers were initally casting for the show, but didn’t make the cut. 

This may have already run it’s course though.  Word is Miranda hasn’t heard from Snooki since the weekend.

Tweet This Post