Slow news day!  

Having absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that the third season of Jersey Shore is currently in production, Snooki’s one time “gorilla juice-head” ex-boyfriend Emilio Masella (whom she kicked to the curb when she got an inkling he might, just might, be using her to get famous), took a flight from LA to try to win back her affections.

According to Radar Online, who snagged an “exclusive” interview with Emilio, he and mentor Spencer Pratt (who paid for the flight) stopped filming the reality show Fist Pumping For Love because no one was interested in it he realized he loves Snooki and wanted to “rescue” her when she got arrested last week.

Uh-huh.

However, Snooki seems to have moved on and Emilio now says he can’t believe he travelled all this way to win her back (by making a spectacle of himself on the boardwalk giving away free hugs).

Bitch, please.

His motives are as transparent as prison bedsheets (and just about as besmirched).

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The Earth begins to spin again.

After being arrested yesterday afternoon for drunk and disorderly conduct, Snooki (Guidette Minimus) was let go by the police with a summons a short while later. 

Anthropoligists have found that the the Guidette Minimus is a creature of habit, so she’ll probably be at the beach again today working on her tan.  Is that Sierra Brown or Burnt Orange?

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Maybe those are the fashion police to take Snooki away for wearing a bedazzled “slut” t-shirt in public.  You just know Vogue over-lord Anna Wintour would give her 40 years at hard labor on principal alone.

In a totally not staged set up publicity stunt to remind everyone that the second season of Jersey Shore is currently underway, cast-member Snooki was arrested for “disorderly conduct” on the beach in Seaside Heights NJ, earlier this afternoon while shooting scenes for the show’s third season. 

Maybe I’m missing something, but isn’t Snooki (along with the rest of the cast),  supposed to be disorderly?  Isn’t that the whole point of the show??

Fear not, fellow cast-member J-Woww is apparently on her way (along with the camera crew) to bail Snooki out.  No doubt this will end well.

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MTV has finally (sort of) got around to replacing Angelina (Trash-Bags), the boring one who quit a couple of eps into the first season, only to come back for the second season and then quit again. 

Meet Deena Nicole Cortese, a 23 year old from New Eygpt, NJ, and friend of Snooki’s.  Little is known about her, except that she graduated high-school in 2005,  and according to her now cancelled MySpace and Facebook profiles, she is “ADDiCTiVE & ExPENiIV3 LiK3 COCAiNE!” and all that she needs is “Beats, my broads, and booze”.

Is B3 the new GTL?

Undoubtedly, she’ll fit right in with the others.  I give it two weeks before she’s either hooking up with The Situation or fighting with J-Woww.

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Oh noes!  Trouble brewing for the third season of Jersey Shore again already (maybe). 

According to P6, the rest of the cast is fed up with Mike “The Situation Sorrentino’s ego, which is supposedly getting too big for the others liking.  Considering they’re all shameless famewhores who got hired for being just that, this is as perplexing as it is ironic.

Apparently, the fact that The Situation was approached first when that salary dispute occured earlier this month didn’t help matters any either.  Word is some members of the cast are going to try and drive him out.

Expect much more manufactured drama a’la The Hills for season three, which will be begin filming soon in Seaside Heights, NJ.

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Whew, that was close!  The world can start spinning again.

Word is the cast of Jersey Shore (minus the boring one who bailed) have all signed new contracts with MTV, giving each of them a 200% salary increase to $30k per episode for seasons three and four.  Guess MTV is dropping the pretense of the second season being split into two parts for the contract ploy that it was.

Apparently, The Situation was the first to resign, followed by DJ Pauly D. Realizing which way the wind was blowing, Snooki, J-Woww (of the New Jersey Wowws) and the rest jumped on the bandwagon.

The second season begins on July 29th.  GTL (gym, tan, laundry), Baby.

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More drama behind the scenes of MTV‘s Jersey Shore.  

Word is (via TMZ) that most of the cast is refusing to show up for filming the “second” part of the second season, while  Radar Online is saying that the network has given them until today to show up for work “or else”.

It’s sort of convoluted, but from the sounds of things, MTV is trying to pull a bit of fast one, referring to the next phase of production as the second half of the second season or 2B (even though it’s also been identified as “cycle three”) so they don’t have to re-enter contract negotiations with the cast.  2A is the part that was filmed down in Miami during the spring.

MTV is taking a divide and conquer approach, offering Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino a bonus of $60 000 to $1800 000, depending how ratings go for both parts of the second season, plus a huge salary increase of up to $45 thousand per episode for season three (or four, depending on how you look at it).

Confusing, isn’t it?  No wonder Angelia (the boring one that split a couple of episodes into the first season) left again.

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Uh-oh, we may have a  situation here.

New York City’s The Village Voice asked the boys of Jersey Shore to participate in a photo-shoot for an upcoming issue, and since the three are always looking for an excuse to (a) doff their shirts and (b), appear in the media, they were only too happy to oblige.

Thing is, the photo shoot was for “The Queer Issue” (out today), with a headline article on “The Guido Ideal” which focuses on young Italian-Americans in the Jersey area who are on the down-low (closeted but sexually active).  Given the general level of machismo in the culture (not to mention the Catholic upbringing), coming out in this enviroment can be a tricky er….situation.

MTV hasn’t made a comment about the new issue yet (and really, what is there to comment about)?  Here’s hoping the boys of Jersey Shore take it all in stide without feeling the need for too much postering (Ronnie, we’re looking at you).

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What is it with reality TV personalities (I refuse to call them celebrities) and delusions of singing careers?

Last summer it was Real Housewife of AtlantaKim Zolciak being Tardy For The Party.  This past winter, it was Heidi Montag and an entire album, Superficial.  Just a short while ago, Countess (the “o” is silent) Luann of the Real Housewives of New York was ironically pointing out that Money Can’t Buy You Class.

So of course one of those Jersey Shorecreatures just had to get in on the act before their 15 minutes  is up.  The Situation thankfully doesn’t attempt to sing (yay) he tries to rap (boo). 

Here’s a teaser of the horror that is The Situation Rap before it gets released on i-Tunesnext week.  Bonus marks if you can listen to the whole thing without reaching for the aspirin and if you can figure out if he’s rapping about himself, his abs, or an actual set of circumstances.

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Looks like there’s going to be a major cast shake up on Jersey Shore this year.   Apparently a new crop of fist pumpers will be introduced in the second half of the upcoming season, the idea being to replace the original cast for the third season. 

Guess that’s one way to keep production costs down on a reality TV show.  Snooki, The Situation and J-Woww and the others all held out (and got) bigger paycheques for season two, but supposedly the contract was only for one season.

Who wants to bet at least one of them ends up on each of the following? Big Brother, Survivor, Dancing With The Stars,  and Celebrity Rehab (for tanning addiction).

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