Dear  W Magazine, taking a surgically altered (because no way in hell that ass is real) nude famewhore and painting her silver is to “art” what an encounter between three strapping well endowed young men on Corbin Fisher is to family entertainment.

That is all.

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Here we go again…

Proving that she’s a glutton for punishment, Kim Kardashian was seen splashing around in the surf in Bahamas with creepy little humunculous Justin Bieber for a photoshoot of some sort.

Kim got death threats the last time she appeared in public with the Bieb when he called her sexy and she called him her boyfriend when they met at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.  The Bieb ended up sending out a Tweet to his more rapid fans basically telling them to chill the f*ck out.

Maybe this time his fans will be too busy defending their idol from the syphilis rumour that spread about him earlier yersterday morning to go after Kim?

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Do not get Justin Bieber fans upset with you.  Apparently, they’re only slightly less fanatical then some terrorist organizations.

It all started this past weekend at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner which both Kim and The Bieb attended. 

Always feeling the need to demonstrate what a player he is, the Bieb posted a picture of himself with Kim on Twitter, saying “Look it’s my girlfriend”. 

Playing along, Kim posted that she had come down with a case of Beiber Fever.  By Tuesday night, she was singing a different tune, sending out an S.O.S to the singer saying “Seriously Biebs! @JustinBieber I’m getting death threats from your fans! This is unBeliebable!!!”

Yesterday, the Bieb wrote out to his 2 million faithful (and growing) followers,  assuring them that Kim’s only a friend, adding “no need 4 threats. Let’s all be friends and hang out often .”

Crisis averted.

Did you hear that?  He wants to hang out with YOU.  OFTEN. (Cue the screaming) 

How soon do you think it’ll be before the Bieb uses this power for evil, calls his army into action and takes over?  Be afraid.  Bieb very afraid.

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Or bronzer, or concealer or whatever Kim Kardashian’s got smeared all over herself in this photo from her Harper’s Bazaar shoot.

Kim wants you to believe that she went without the aid of photoshop so that all the sweet curvy young things out there will be proud of their natural bodies.  Oh please.  Forget for a moment then that Kim quite likely has had stuff done to her face and boobs, and was also just featured on the cover of some tabloid featuring her “revenge body”, by sh*tting out 5lbs using that dieting aid she’s always pushing.

BTW, speaking of revenge in the wake of her breakup with Reggie Bush,word is Kim and soccer player/underwear model Cristiano Ronaldo hooked up recently.  Kim flew out to Madrid, where she watched him play a game, then the two had dinner together and spent a few hours at his place, before Kim flew back to LA. 

That’s a hell of a lot of travel for a hook up, although he’s totally her type.  A good looking, famous, professional athelete and of course very, very, rich.  Good thing too, something tells me being with Kim is an expensive undertaking. 

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You know your dress is way too tight when bending over to pick something up is a real challenge, if not a complete impossibility.   Luckily for the now single Kim Kardashian, some random guy was there to save the day for her.

Kim getting up or sitting down at a table must be an interesting ordeal to watch.

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Twitter has become the electronic playground were celebs scrap and fight,  then kiss and make up, like a post-modern forum for gladiators, with everyone else as gleeful spectators, except nothing gets killed, except everyone’s  self-respect.

The latest dust up? 

Demi Moore and Kim Kardashian.

It’s a perfect example of how a famewhore has encroached on actual celebrity relevancy, while how yesterday’s A lister has fallen.  

Grap your soap-box, park your brain, and let’s take a look at what went down…

Kim: Big pimpin w @SerenajWilliams @LaLaVazquez @Kelly_Rowland Love u girls!’

Demi: Are you using the word “pimpin” as in pimping?

Kim: Doesn’t everyone? LOL

Demi: No disrespect I love a girls night out but a pimp and pimping is nothing more than a slave owner!

Kim: Nothing wrong with dancing to Big Pimpin’ by Jay Z in the club! Having a girls night out, gotta love that song!

Demi: Yeah but a pimp is nothing more than a slave owner! if we want to end slavery we need to stop glorifying the “pimp” culture.

Demi: Just so ya’ll are clear I like @KimKardashian I was just making a point about how we have used a word and desensitized the real meaning. Clearly I stirred up a s**t storm, but 2 create change U have 2 be willing 2 take a risk and be willing 2 provoke thought & conversation

Kim: Good point!I agree! It was just a song not literal

Oh Brother. 

Where was Demi and her self righteousness when MTV launched Pimp My Ride?  Apparently Demi is fast becoming a black belt fuss-budget and busy body in an effort to remain relevant. 

Memo to Ashton Kutcher: get her a hobby or an acting gig stat, before I end up siding with Kim Kardashian again.

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You know you’ve hit the big time when Trey Parker and Matt Stone set their warped sights on you to relentlessly mock.

Previous celebutards that have been satrized on the show include Kathy Lee Gifford, Barbara Streisand, P Diddy, Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.

Of course, this being South Park, Kourtney, Kim and Khloe have a run in with a pyschotic kid who has an issue with pretentious people, all because of a book one of the characters on the show gets published called The Poop That Took A Pee.

I think they really captured Khloe’s essence, don’t you?

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Yet again.

Although both Kim and Reggie have apparently agreed not to talk about the split in public, some source (Khloe, Kourtney, or Ryan Seacrest?) told  E! News it’s due to Kim’s hectic schedule and Reggie’s trouble with being in the spotlight that caused the issue this time. 

Last summer when the couple briefly split up, it was written for the show “conflicting schedules”.

Wasn’t there supposed to be an engagement if Reggie’s football team, The Saints, won the Superbowl?  Whatever happened with that promise/threat?

Since the split a few days ago, Kim has been consoling herself filming Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami, the Kardasian’s spin off reality show (yes it’s actually come to that) while Reggie has been seen partying it up in New York City.

All is not lost though!  Apparently, the two may be apart for now, but both are open to the possibility of getting back together when the new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians starts filming.

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To recap, last month the Kardahian’s debuted their new line with Bebe during New York Fashion Week.  Tim chimed in on his thoughts when asked if he supported them saying that he felt “the Kardashian’s have an absense of taste“. 

Hee!

Last week on the Joy Behar Show, instigator Joy got Tim going on about the subject again.  Tim called out the Kardashian look (skin tight, cleavage barring, rear enhancing outfits) as “cheap” and “tawdry“. 

While Tim admitted that their look may “have some sexiness to it“, he says he finds it “rather vulgar“.                                         

As for Kim herself, Tim Gunn told Joy, “She’s pretty, but she’s a poser.  I find that when she’s static and still, she has an attractiveness. I find that when she’s moving, it all goes away for me“.

Surprisingly, the Kardashian sisters have remained quiet about Tim’s opinions about them.  So far. 

Kim probably doesn’t really care anyway as she has a mini-empire to run, a reality TV show to famewhore for and Tweets to post.  La-la-la-la-la…

.

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Because you demanded it! (Ok, not really).

Taking Famewhoring to a whole new level after being upstaged at her own fashion show a couple of weeks ago, Kim Kardashian has released her very own i-phone application.

Yes it’s actually come to this.  An app for famewhores.

Should you need to know right away where the closest place is to buy Kim’s perfume (actually not a bad idea), Kim’s latest Tweets, or thoughts on a variety of topics, from Kim’s fashion choices, Kim’s beauty tips, or Kim on Kim’s favorite subject, Kim, are now only a few keypad touches away for the low low price of $1.99

Although given that just about anything she says or does ends up in the gossip blogs (including this one) or tabloids, you could save yourself the money and just wait about 24 hours and get the info for free.

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