The famewhoring father of Lindsay Lohan, who’s been appearing on all the tabloid shows he can recently, engagement to the equally odious Kate Major apparently came to a crashing halt when he allegedly went all Mel Gibson on her and pushed her out of a chair then kicked her in the face.

Police are investigating the allegations as Kate had previously got a restraining order against him (it’s worth noting that he’s been accused of domestic violence before).  Michael is now trying to sell nude pics he took of Kate while she was sleeping this past spring.  Charming.

Of his actions, Kate says “He took these pictures of me without my knowledge. At the time he was my fiancé. I have just found out about these images today and moving forward my lawyer, William O’Conner, will be handing the legalities of anyone that reproduces them.”

Lohan for his part says (without any apparent irony) “She has no money, no job and she’s been living off of me for the last eight months. If she doesn’t stop the nonsense, more and more will come out. I am tired of being used by people who need to make up stories to make money off others.”

Why would anyone want to see the z-list ex assistant of Lindsay Lohan, who became a Star Magazine reporter, only to quit her job to date Jon Gosselin, whom she then dumped for Michael Lohan naked?  

Try as I might, I have little sympathy for Kate.  You know what they say about lying down with dogs…

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Drat.  I was sort of hoping she’d make a run for it.

Being represented once again by the hapless Shawn Chapman Holley (who’s probably kicking herself for ever taking this client in the first place), a sombre Lindsay Lohan surrenderd herself, appearing in court this morning for a grand total of five minutes before being handcuffed and escourted off to prison.

Judge Marsha Revel had ruled that no cameras were to be allowed in the courtroom while Lindsay was being cuffed, so that means the first pics of Lindsay in chains are going to be worth a fortune, provided someone gots a shot when she arrived at the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, CA.

Will Linds serve the full 90 days or be out much faster?  Stay tuned…

Update – Lindsay arrived and has been processed.  No shots of her in hand-cuffs (yet) but this picture of America’s favorite jailbird in a snazzy prison issue orange jumpsuit has been released.  Wonder what’s with the smirk?

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TMZ is saying this was why he met with Judge Marsha Revel late yesterday afternoon.

Poor Lindsay.  No one wants to represent her.  Either this means she’s going to go ahead and try to go on the lam appeal her sentence today, or her cheque bounced. 

Lindsay is scheduled to show up to court later this morning to begin her 90 day stint in prison for parole violation. 

Major drams and a media circus is a forgone conclusion.

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Too bad it probably won’t work.

The lawyer, famous as part of OJ Simpson’s “dream team”, now reprensenting Lindsay Lohan, has instructed his client to stay in a sober house in West Hollywood until she’s required to go to jail (Lindsay checked in yesterday). 

Word is that Shapiro is apparently going to try and get Lindsay’s jail sentence turned into a rehab only stay instead.  Wasn’t that the second part of her sentence anyway? 

Something tells me that Judge Marsha Revel isn’t going to change her mind about Lindsay’s punishment (or forget about that “f*ck u” that was painted on her middle finger) and will likely just hand Shapiro something like the image below if he suggests rehab only for his client.

Lindsay has to report to the slammer in five days on July 20th. 

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It’s not going to be some green lawyer who just passed the bar last year (which was the rumour late last week), or the Real Cornitian Leather in the spiffy powder blue suit to the left.  Who?  This would be Stuart V Goldberg, a criminal defense attorney who dropped everything on his plate and left his practice in Illinois to come rushing to Lindsay’s legal aid (whether she wanted it or not).

Surprise, surprise, the Lohans apparently aren’t going to take Mr. Goldberg up on his completely generous and in no way self-serving offer after all.  A source close to the lawyer says that the Lohans couldn’t afford Goldberg and that he refused to work for free (so there too).  Meanwhile, another source close to Lindsay (obviously Dina) says that she felt Mr. Goldberg was a little too “eccentric”.  Heh.

Never thought I’d say this about the Lohan’s, but smart move.

TMZ is now reporting that the Lohans have hired high powered attorney Robert Shapiroto represent Linds with her appeal from here on, so Real Cornithian Leather has taken his leathery hide and powder blue suit back to the windy city.

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Battered but not bowed!  Is there anything worse than a summer cold (except maybe when it turns into the flu)?  But enough about my probs…

Lindsay’s are just beginning.  Since new info about Linds pops up online every couple of hours, I thought I’d round up what’s been happening in the past 24.

After the verdict, Lindsay bailed on her own birthday bash, instead opting to stay at home, where she was visited by Kim Kardashian, clearly feeling that she hadn’t been mentioned in the news enough lately, and chose this as her way of inserting herself into the picture.  This woman needs to write a book on famewhoring.  She’s a master at it.

Apparently, Linds plans to appeal the sentence of  90 days in jail followed by madatory 90 days in rehab handed down to her by Judge Marsha Revel earlier this week.

However, it’ll be a different council as Lind’s lawyer quit that bitch yesterday.  Whether it was the “f*ck u” painted on Lindsay’s middle fingernail, her statement that “I’m not going to jail” afterwards, her plans to appeal, or the fact that she probably has no real means to pay her legal fees remains unclear.  Lindsay’s new lawyer is just that, having passed the bar exam only eight months ago.  What’s that old saying?  You only get what you pay for? 

Speaking of paying for things…Lindsay is well aware that she’s going to be a hot commodity on the interview circuit once she’s sprung from the clink.  Word is she’s not even considering any interview requests unless they cough up at least a cool $1 million.  You just know she’ll totally get it.  Why is beyond me since everyone knows everything, and her parents won’t charge nearly that much to be interviewed, which leads us to….

Stage mother extraordinaire and Carvel ice cream grifter Dina Lohan will be appearing on  Entertainment Tonight in an “exclusive” (insert eyeroll) segment this evening where she’ll bitch about Lindsay’s unfair treatment at the hands of the legal system.  Oh, boo hoo! 

Meanwhile, her useless father Michael has also been busy making the rounds on the tabloid television circuit, blaming Dina for everything, all the while expressing concern for Lindsay (who he has no trouble selling out for a cheque everytime he can).

Finally, that now infamous ”f*ck u” painted on her middle finger was of course a joke, according to Lindsay, clearly worried that she could be found in contempt of court now that her little message to the Judge has been made public.  

Whew.  I’m exhauseted typing all that out.

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Dina would probably try to involve Amnesty International over Lindsay’s imminent incarceration, but since they won’t pay her for an “exclusive” interview, she’ll probably bitch to one of TV’s finer tabloid journalism shows instead.

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Followed by a mandatory stay in rehab.

Citing parole violation and skipping her alcohol education classes, Judge Marsha Revel sentenced Lindsay to three consecutive one month terms (90 days) followed by 90 days of rehab.  Lindsay has to turn herself in on July 20.  Due to overcrowding in the prison system, chances are Lindsay will only serve about a third of her sentence.

Lindsay of course had a hissy fit on the spot , crying, sobbing, and wailing.  Her biggest concern?  Lindsay immediately wanted the SCRAM device attached to her ankle removed (guess she wanted to squeeze two weeks of hard partying in before she goes to jail and rehab) but the Judge refused her request.

No word yet from Lindsay’s uber-stage mother Dina, although her obnoxious father Michael, and the famewhoring Dr Drew were on Larry King last night talking about it.

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Like once wasn’t enough?

According to  The NY Post, stage mother extraordinaire Dina Lohan is shopping around a new reality TV show that focuses on the entire Lohan family (except for ex-husband Michael, natch).

Dina says that filming has already begun, with cameras following around Lohan family members (which will include Lindsay, her schedule permitting) as they go about their daily routines.  Dina also says that she’s “discussing a deal with a major network”.

Pffffft.  Sure she is.

Dina’s last attempt at reality TV, E!‘s Living Lohan, got cancelled after just nine episodes in 2008.  Lindsay didn’t particiapte at all, so puiblic interest in the series was so-so to begin with (Dina originally promised E! that Lindsay would be part of it).  An exercise in tedium,  the only thing accomplished was to demonstrate what a talentless, entitled brat youngest daughter Ali is, pretty much deep-sixing any chance she had of breaking into show business (the series’ main focus).

Can’t see how this new show of Dina’s will get picked up (or be any more successful than the last one if it does), but with Lindsay’s supposed guaranteed involvement this time, it might find an audience.

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A couple of months ago there was a rumour that Lindsay Lohan was sleeping with celebrity photographer Indrani (yeah, I never heard of her until then either).

Anyway, Lindsay’s now all up in arms for how she’s beeing portrayed on Indrani’s new Bravo reality TV show, Double Exposure.

Apparently, in the episode titled “Is Lindsay Here Yet?” the tardy trainwreck showed up somewhere between eight and eleven hours late for a photo-shoot, which totally sounds like something she’d do.  Lindsay even says she’s sorry for being late in the episode, so that should be that, right?

Trick question!

Lindsay is disputing how she’s portrayed in the episode, saying Bravo set her up by giving her the wrong time for the shoot, which also sounds quite possible as well (imagine that, pulling the strings to create drama for reality TV).  Of course, Lindsay’s taken to her main means of communication to vent her displeasure/outrage/wrath at the photographers, producers, and network via Twitter (so much cheaper than a publicist).

Meanwhile, Indrani (one name, like Madonna), and this Markus person both claim Lindsay hired them (not the other way around) to shoot her for her leggings line.  This actually computes, as professional “celebrity” photographers wouldn’t sit idly by unless they were being paid for their time, then again, Bravo is probably footing the bill for the whole thing, so who knows? 

This one’s a tie.  Lindsay Lohan: still delusional, lying, and late.  Bravo: manipulating events and catering to the lowest common denominator.

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