She’s determined to make it look serious, I’ll give her that.   The Big M and her fake boyfriend, arm-candy, and part time nanny, Jesus Luz, as well as photographer Steven Klein have all popped down to meet her pseudo-mother-in-law.  Yup, Madonna is going to meet Jesus’ mother, Christane Regina da Silva, who also happens to be 15 years younger than her son’s “girlfriend”.  Something tells me The Big M isn’t going to have too much trouble getting “buy-in” from “Mom”.  Call it a hunch. 

As for those rumours that he’s upset she doesn’t want to get married, pure fiction.  Think about it. Your in your early twenties, good looking, getting modeling gigs, have a sugar-mommy who buys you things, reportedly gives you $10 grand a month and has you tag along to various fabulous events.  Are you really gonna rock the boat?

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With a face like this though, who can blame them?  Multiple sources are reporting that Louis Vuitton has chosen Halle Barry’s baby daddy, Gabriel Aubry, as the new “face” of their brand.

The 33 year old Montrteal native, who has modeled in the past for Calvin Klien and Versace, and reportedly earns $30 000 a day, was chosen over Jesus Luz, despite being heavily championed by his girlfriend/employer Madonna, who endorses Louis Vuitton as well. Looks like The Big M was hoping for a dual paying gig from the fashion house, similar to the deal the Beckhams had with Emporio Armani. No word yet on how well the news of LV’s decision sat with her.

The spring campaign featuring Aubry should be seen early next year in a series of print and billboard ads.

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You may have heard that Madonna is currently in Malawi, to kick off construction of her $15 million dollar school for girls.  At the ground breaking ceremony she told the crowd, “If this school is a success, and God willing it will be, we will replicate it not only in Malawi, but in other parts of the world as well.”

Her Raising Malawi foundation is close to her heart, as two of her children, David and Mercy, are originally from the impoverished nation.  The Big M has also posted an article earlier today with the Huffington Post, seeking assistance for her foundation.   The full post, below…

This week, my family and I are in Malawi to attend the ground breaking ceremony for Raising Malawi Academy for Girls. I am making a straightforward request. I’m writing to urge you to join me in saving the lives of some of the world’s most vulnerable children. And I’m asking you to do it right away. Raising Malawi, the organization I co-founded in 2006, is dedicated to ending the poverty and hardship endured by Malawi’s one million orphans. By donating to Raising Malawi, you can literally transform the future for an entire generation. To encourage your involvement, I’ve pledged $100,000 to match your contributions dollar-for-dollar. Why Malawi? Seven years ago I might have asked myself this very same question. Why not Afghanistan, or India? There are impoverished children, desperate for health care and education, everywhere in the world. Something about Malawi’s children connected with me and their hardships were too much for me to ignore. So I started learning more about Malawi, and, little by little, I began working with Malawians to improve their communities. Visiting Malawi can be a very humbling experience. In the face of such overwhelming challenges, it’s easy to feel helpless. At the same time, it is impossible not to recognize how much we can do to improve the lives of vulnerable children. Right now, I am particularly concerned about Malawian girls whose lives are made even more difficult simply because of their gender. In 2008 Raising Malawi announced the creation of an all-girls boarding school, the Raising Malawi Academy for Girls. Architects have drawn up plans. We’ve identified a plot of land. And some of Malawi’s poorest girls are eager for the opportunities that a comprehensive secondary education will bring them. But we’re still in need of additional funds to complete this project, and there’s no time to lose. My own daughters will each have a solid secondary education. They have a family that assures them that they can be anything they want to be, that they are not limited in any way. I believe that the same should be true for girls in every part of the world, regardless of the circumstances of their birth. The girls of Malawi are bright and resourceful. They are eager to learn and grow. When I look at my girls and see them thriving, it is my greatest wish that the girls in Malawi will have the same chance for happiness. This is where you come in. Please join me in supporting the work of Raising Malawi. Every dollar we collect will make a huge difference in a child’s life. By matching your donation, dollar for dollar, I will personally ensure that your contribution has an even greater impact. That’s a promise. This is my call to you: Give an opportunity to a child who would otherwise have none. Support the work of Raising Malawi. Will you join me? Please visit www.raisingmalawi.org/madonnamatch to contribute and learn more.

Narcissist that she can be, and even if you think her motives aren’t entirely altruistic, it’s impressive that Madonna has become so genuinely dedicated to helping others less fortunate with fewer opportunities.

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Apparently it’s a deal breaker for some people.  The Daily Mailin the UK is reporting that Madonna has written a screenplay with Alek Keshishian (Truth or Dare), called W.E., about Edward VIII and Mrs Simpson which she intends to direct as well.

Never one to waste a resource, the Big M got her ex, Guy Ritchie to have a look at it, apparently asking for his input.  Ritchie is said to have pointed her in the direction of several actors, including Mark Strong and Toby Kebbell, both who had parts in his last film, RocknRolla.   

Here’s where it gets good.  Allegedly, a couple of agents wanted reassurances that Madonna wasn’t going to act in the film as well, before they forwarded the screenplay on to their clients.  No word how that went over, but I would have loved to have seen the reaction. The story goes on to say that some find her difficult to act with, “ask Rupert Everett”. Oh, SNAP. Everett  infamously starred opposite the Big M in The Next Best Thing, back in 2000, which was a critical and commercial bomb, helping to derail his career. They haven’t had much, if any, contact since.

As for W.E., Madonna is said to be meeting with people over the next two weeks, trying to secure a “name” to be attached to the project to help increase it’s budget.

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The Big M causing trouble?  Never!  According to Madonna’s upstairs neighbor Karen George, the singer is using her old digs at 41 CPW as a rehearsal hall and dance studio.  The neighbor filed a lawsuit against the buildings co-op board this past Friday, claiming Madonna is forcing her neighbors (aka Karen) to be exposed to “blaring music, stomping and shaking walls, for up to three hours each day. Unreasonably high-decibel, amplified music and vibrations pouring through walls, ceilings and radiators.” 

It’s not the first time Madonna has had problems with this address either.  In 2007 she was the one who filed a suit, charging she was wrongfully blocked by the co-op to buy a neighbors apartment.  Madonna prevailed, some $7 million dollars later.  In responding to the noise complaints and lawsuit, the board says that they have threatened to evict the singer. 

Didn’t Madonna just buy a townhouse on the Upper East Side last summer?  Isn’t she buying another one for Jesus in the same area?  I can see the Big M using the space for a rehearsal hall (while having some passive aggressive revenge) especially if there’s been bad blood between her and her neighbors in the past.

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If Madonna calls, tell her I’m available. In Touch weekly is reporting that the Big M has allegedly put Jesus Luz, her fake boyfriend and shining example of how it’s really done to gold-diggers everywhere, on a $10 000 a month allowance.  Makes one wonder how much her other kids get for keeping their rooms clean? The “allowance”, such as it is, is for Jesus to cover his personal expenses, including cell phone, credit card, insurance, etc.  Not a bad gig he’s landed himself is it?  Put your modeling “career” on hold, follow around the most famous woman in the world as her arm candy, hit a few parties, strike a pose for the paps, and VOGUE! possibly hit it a few times for good measure. (In the sexy way, not the Chris Brown way.)  Here’s hoping Jesus can live within his means, as  Madonna is rumoured to be tight with a buck, although her recent behavior with spoiling Jesus would seem to contradict that.

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When a girl wants to work out, she wants to work out! Page Six, among other sources, are saying that celeb trainer Tracy Anderson has been given the heave-ho from Madonna.  No one’s really taking except to give the usual BS spin comments, although official word from team Madonna is that she ..”had grown tired of the baggage that Tracy always seemed to be carrying with her. Tracy had grown to be more of a distraction than anything else.” Apparently when asked about the situation by Ryan Seacrest on his show, Madonna just laughed it off.  (When she’s done with you, she is stick-a-fork-in-it done.)

Word is that Anderson has been dating the previous head of Madonna’s Raising Malwai charity, Phillipe van den Bosshe, who stepped down to be with Anderson in New York.  It should also be noted that 3.7 million dollars is still unaccounted for from the charities coffers.  Anderson herself has been previously accused of defrauding clients, stealing property from business partners, and been sued on several occasions.  Sounds like a match made in hell, no? Apparently, the big M was also none too pleased that Anderson wouldn’t go on final European leg of her Sticky & Sweettour with her, choosing to stay in New York with van den Bosshe instead.  Shady backgrounds notwithstanding, my guess is M did not appreciate playing second fiddle to Anderson’s new boyfriend.  Have to wonder if Madonna’s friend Gwyneth (I’m-going-to-change-the-world-through-GOOP) Paltrow, who also employs Anderson, will follow her lead.

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During part of a Deep House Dish skit on SNL, Lady GaGa and Madonna performed a parody number, where they ended up in a girl fight.  Amid much pushing, shoving, hair pulling, and taunts, “What the hell is a disco-stick!?”  (Oh please M, don’t ask questions that everyone knows you already know the answer to) the strangest thing about the skit was what GaGa was wearing.  Like Madonna, she was decked out in  pleather bra, shorts, and boots.  By GaGa standards, this look is understated and tame.  Sitting on the couch with the “host” they continued to have their fake fight.  

“Guess what, Madonna I’m totally hotter than you!”

“Guess what? I’m totally taller than you,” Madonna responded, then added ”What kind of name is Lady Gaga. It sounds like baby food…”

“The kind that’s No. 1 on the Billboard charts,” Gaga replied. 

Of course it ended with them having to kiss and make up, shades of Madonna’s 1990 Waynes World appearence and 2003 duet with Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera at the VMA’s  completley intentional.

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Everyone else in the blogverse seems to have posted this so why not me? Madonna (looking great, I must say) was on Letterman last night promoting her new Greatest Hits CD.  “She’s trouble”  she joked when asked about Lordes and squashed rumours that she intends to marry again (possibly to nanny/boy-toy/boyfriend Jesus) “I’d rather be hit by a train.”   Heh.

 M and Letterman then hit an authentic NYC pizzeria.  Ok, when I have pizza, there’s sausage, pepperoni, bacon, cheese, more cheese, and clogging arteries.   Madonna’s pizza seems to be thin crust, with tomato sauce, spinich and black olives.  Boring!  And you know she jumped on a treadmill right after and did 90 minutes of cardio listening to her own music remixed by Paul Oakenfold.  Ok, I’m totally making that part up.

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