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This is exactly why the argument that tweens have too much time on their hands during summer vacation has credence.

We’re a little over two weeks into the break in most parts of North America and apparently the 8 to 14 year olds spent most of that time pressing re-play on YouTube, watching Justin Bieber’s video for Baby, his hit single that uses the word some 18 times in the chorus.  Who says music aimed at the teeny-bopper set can’t have thoughtful and meaningful lyrics?

The Beib’s video has been played almost 247 MILLION times, making it the most watched video (so far) in the site’s history, just beating out Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance (I thought it would have been Telephone that would be up there) which sits at about 25 million.

Please watch Bad Romance a few times to help Gaga regain her place and restore order in an otherwise upside down world.

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…and it’s going to cost him.

Kelsey Grammer, currently in the midst of divorcing the permanently 41 year old and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast-member Camille Donatacci, never had her sign a pre-nup when they got married back in 1997.

Cripes.  

This means in all likelihood Kelsey is going to have to fork over 50% of all earnings he made between then and now, a figure rumored to be at least $100 million.

Lets hear it for them folks!  Kelsey Grammer, new poster child for male pattern idiocy, and Camille Donatacci, gold-digger standard setter.

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What is it with reality TV personalities (I refuse to call them celebrities) and delusions of singing careers?

Last summer it was Real Housewife of AtlantaKim Zolciak being Tardy For The Party.  This past winter, it was Heidi Montag and an entire album, Superficial.  Just a short while ago, Countess (the “o” is silent) Luann of the Real Housewives of New York was ironically pointing out that Money Can’t Buy You Class.

So of course one of those Jersey Shorecreatures just had to get in on the act before their 15 minutes  is up.  The Situation thankfully doesn’t attempt to sing (yay) he tries to rap (boo). 

Here’s a teaser of the horror that is The Situation Rap before it gets released on i-Tunesnext week.  Bonus marks if you can listen to the whole thing without reaching for the aspirin and if you can figure out if he’s rapping about himself, his abs, or an actual set of circumstances.

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Seriously, Heidi Montag is a god-send (but not for the reasons she thinks).

Never letting something like reality and lack of acting talent stop her, the boobtastic plastic surgery victim posted a 30 second clip of herself at an LA shooting range on her Facebook page as her audtion for a role in Transformers 3 left vacant by Megan Fox’s departure.

Better luck next time Heidi.  The rumour floating around today is that Victoria’s Secret model turned actress Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has gotten the part.

Maybe Heidi should try out for the role of a fembot instead, you know she’s got enough plastic and silicone in her now to play one convincingly.

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Drag Queens everywhere rejoice!  You have a new anthem to lip-sync to!

Beyonce’s ubiquitous hit Single Ladies, which has been covered and spoofed on SNL, Glee, and several dozen times by hard core fans on YouTube,  is now being done by… Liza Minelli?

Liza, who appears in the upcoming Sex In The City 2: Trigger Goes to the Desert, contributed this horrendous yet still fabulous mess to the soundtrack.

It’s so bad, it’s actually good.

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Surprise, surprise, Lindsay Lohan’s singing career isn’t as dead in the water as we had first hoped thought.

Even though her record label parted company with her some time ago, a song called “Can’t Stop” has made it’s way online, with Lindsay complaining via Twitter that someone, (not her) leaked it.  Now that the song’s out there she says that she’s going to make a video for it so the track doesn’t “go to waste”.

Yay?

In other news, Lindsay has signed on to play pornstar Linda Lovelace in a bio-pic.  Whether or not this actually happens remains to be seen.

Listen to Lindsay on auto-tune at your own peril.

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Money Can’t Buy You Class, but it can buy you a record deal (along with a spot on a Bravoreality TV show), even with a complete and total absence of talent.

Real Housewives of New York reigning royal, Countess (the “o” is silent) Luann has released a single, following in the delicate and delusional footsteps of Kim (Tardy For The Party) Zolciak.

You just know drag queens nationwide are already planning on adding this gem to their repertoire for the summer.  If you were to autotune a drunken tone deaf banshee being fed backwards into a wood chipper while two moose were having sex in the background, you’d come close to the horror that is Money Can’t Buy You Class.  For those of you who are total masochists (I know your out there)  click here

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Great news for the 600 or so of you out there that actually bought Heidi Montag’s debut (and likely only) album.  There’s now a video for the lead (and likely last) single, Superficial.

The footage is stuff Heidi and Spencer have collected over the years and choose to use rather than sink any more money into a DOA album to make the video look “more authentic”.

By authentic, Heidi means a budgety video that looks like it was spliced together at the last minute for a high school sophomore’s drama class.  It was probably contributions to the medium like this that made MTV increasingly turn to reality TV in the first place.

WARNING: Do not view with sound on unless you have something for pain relief (pills or booze) close at hand.  Don’t say you weren’t warned.

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..We bring you The Right Network. 

Sadly, this is neither a late April Fools Day joke, or a satire.

Bringing you everything that’s apparently “right” in the world, (but not too right, or that’s fascism, right?) the Right Network promises to bring a perspective that we don’t normally get in the media.  That being, Pro-America, Pro-Business, Pro-Military and rapidly xeno-phobic.

Well!  Thank God someone has finally, finally stood up for the US of A, all those multi billion-dollar corporations, and of course the poor beleaguered industrial military complex.  

Must admit a certain amount of curiosity (in a horrified sort of way) as to what the programming and content will be on this network.   I’m sure Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Patricia Heaton, Lou Dobbs, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, and Anne Coulter are already signing up for service.

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Ke$ha performed her hit Tik Toc and new single, Your Love is My Drug on SNL last night.  While she’s getting beaten up in the blogosphere today over her performances, specifically for ripping off Sia’s (Breath Me) act when performing her second number and going off key (my ears!), you have to give her brownie points for actually singing live.

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Guess one of the reasons some are being so harsh on Ke$ha is that she critizied Britney Spears for lip synching earlier this winter. 

I thought the whole point of live music is that it’s supposed to sound different than what you get on an autotuned CD?

Just for the record, I don’t want to make out (Lord only knows where she’s been).

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