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Surprise, surprise, Lindsay Lohan’s singing career isn’t as dead in the water as we had first hoped thought.

Even though her record label parted company with her some time ago, a song called “Can’t Stop” has made it’s way online, with Lindsay complaining via Twitter that someone, (not her) leaked it.  Now that the song’s out there she says that she’s going to make a video for it so the track doesn’t “go to waste”.

Yay?

In other news, Lindsay has signed on to play pornstar Linda Lovelace in a bio-pic.  Whether or not this actually happens remains to be seen.

Listen to Lindsay on auto-tune at your own peril.

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Money Can’t Buy You Class, but it can buy you a record deal (along with a spot on a Bravoreality TV show), even with a complete and total absence of talent.

Real Housewives of New York reigning royal, Countess (the “o” is silent) Luann has released a single, following in the delicate and delusional footsteps of Kim (Tardy For The Party) Zolciak.

You just know drag queens nationwide are already planning on adding this gem to their repertoire for the summer.  If you were to autotune a drunken tone deaf banshee being fed backwards into a wood chipper while two moose were having sex in the background, you’d come close to the horror that is Money Can’t Buy You Class.  For those of you who are total masochists (I know your out there)  click here

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Great news for the 600 or so of you out there that actually bought Heidi Montag’s debut (and likely only) album.  There’s now a video for the lead (and likely last) single, Superficial.

The footage is stuff Heidi and Spencer have collected over the years and choose to use rather than sink any more money into a DOA album to make the video look “more authentic”.

By authentic, Heidi means a budgety video that looks like it was spliced together at the last minute for a high school sophomore’s drama class.  It was probably contributions to the medium like this that made MTV increasingly turn to reality TV in the first place.

WARNING: Do not view with sound on unless you have something for pain relief (pills or booze) close at hand.  Don’t say you weren’t warned.

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..We bring you The Right Network. 

Sadly, this is neither a late April Fools Day joke, or a satire.

Bringing you everything that’s apparently “right” in the world, (but not too right, or that’s fascism, right?) the Right Network promises to bring a perspective that we don’t normally get in the media.  That being, Pro-America, Pro-Business, Pro-Military and rapidly xeno-phobic.

Well!  Thank God someone has finally, finally stood up for the US of A, all those multi billion-dollar corporations, and of course the poor beleaguered industrial military complex.  

Must admit a certain amount of curiosity (in a horrified sort of way) as to what the programming and content will be on this network.   I’m sure Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Patricia Heaton, Lou Dobbs, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, and Anne Coulter are already signing up for service.

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Ke$ha performed her hit Tik Toc and new single, Your Love is My Drug on SNL last night.  While she’s getting beaten up in the blogosphere today over her performances, specifically for ripping off Sia’s (Breath Me) act when performing her second number and going off key (my ears!), you have to give her brownie points for actually singing live.

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Guess one of the reasons some are being so harsh on Ke$ha is that she critizied Britney Spears for lip synching earlier this winter. 

I thought the whole point of live music is that it’s supposed to sound different than what you get on an autotuned CD?

Just for the record, I don’t want to make out (Lord only knows where she’s been).

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At least that’s the tentative title.

Deciding that Italian Americans have suffered enough shouldn’t have all the fun with being represented by a bunch of douchebags on Jersey Shore, 495 Productions is now turning it’s eye to Persian-Americans. 

Look a casting call!

“Two thousand years ago the Persian Empire ruled the ancient world…but they didn’t have your soundtrack, your style, or your swagger!  Today there’s a new Persian empire growing right here in L.A. and it’s ready to conquer the world all over again. It’s a bad-ass new dynasty where exotic beauty and wild style dominates the sexiest nightlife, exclusive venues and hottest beaches the modern world has to offer.

You’ve got the means, the money, and the motivation to cut through the velvet rope and rule the VIP! For you life is all about Gucci, Gabbana, Cavalli and Cristal. From BMWs and Bugatis, to Mercedes and Movado and money is no object. You live a lifestyle most people only dream of. In your world, nothing is out of reach, and though you are surrounded by the jealous, the posers and the haters, one thing’s for sure…once you go Persian, there is no other version!

Time to show the world that being Persian-American is about living the true American dream…a lifestyle most people only wish they could. So if you are at least 21 years old, appear younger than thirty and are outrageous, outspoken and a proud Persian-American, then Doron Ofir Casting and 495 Productions, the team who brought you Jersey Shore, are looking for you!  Casting is already underway don’t miss your chance to join this A-list. Do you reign over the most exclusive spots in the city? Do you use your exotic appeal to get anything or anyone you desire?? Prove it!

Send your NAME, AGE, 2 PICS, PHONE NUMBER and WHY we should pick you to PersianVersionCasting@gmail.com ”

Shouldn’t dismiss this clear message to sociopaths of Persian heritage too quickly.  After all,  “Nice and normal” may be what we all inspire to achieve, but it’s also extremely boring to watch. Can’t wait to see who (or what) responds in answer to that casting call, and what sort of trainwreck eventually makes it onto the boob-tube. 

In other Jersey Shore related news, turns out only part of the new season is going to be filmed in Miami.  Production will return to Jersey later this spring, with the second season staring in July.

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My ears!  My poor abused ears!

Jennifer Lopez must have made a friend with someone in the recording studio when she was working on her album Love, and by “made a friend” I mean pissed off an engineer in the studio enough to leak a raw audio clip of her trying to sing a cover of Streisand’s Enough Is Enough.

It certainly is.  This is exactly why I don’t watch American Idol. 

Wherefore art thou, oh Autotune?

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…Comes around.  Even for the Big M.

Madonna, fully aware of the irony in this statement, went on the record with  Us Weekly that she wishes daughter Lourdes (Lola) would dress more conservatively.

A whole generation (or two) of women with daughters who grew up trying to emulate Madonna are probably feeling really smug and vindicated right about now.  Just sayin…’

The Big M is teaming with Lola to design a line of clothing called Material Girl for Macy’s (She’s never going to shake that moniker is she?) which should be available later this year.

Madonna says she enjoyed designing a line for H&M a couple of years back, but felt the project took up too much of her time.  Apparently, this go around is pretty much Lola’s gig, although Madonna is involved in the business side of things, attending meetings with her daughter.

A designer with a line at a department store at age 13.  

Am feeling rather old and unaccomplished at the moment.  You?

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This is silly.

After running around LA with a bunch of baby powder wafting up in clouds from her shoes looking like a spilled 8-Ball (oh Lindsay, you card) everyone’s favorite train-wreck decided to take offense when George Lopez made fun of her on his show last night.

Respect?  Dignity??  Really???

Sadly, the irony in using these words is probably lost on Lindsay.

George Lopez responded to her Tweet-out thusly…

“let’s take this off twitter .. Come on the show .. I’ve met you before and don’t have anything against you .”

 ”you want me to stop talking about you I will .. Come and tell me .. To my face .. I’ll stop !! Respectfully.”

No word yet if Lindsay took George up on his challenge offer.  Chances are she didn’t.  She is a busy girl you know, what with Grey Goose to drink, other people to fight with, substances to use…

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Remember that riot by tweens that broke out in a Long Island mall back in November over Justin Bieber? 

To recap, some 3000 people showed up for a signing session, the crowd became unruly (10 – 12 year old girls can be vicious), some fool yelled out that they saw Beiber in a store and pandemonium ensued.

Now it looks like Bieber’s manager Scott “Scooter” Braun is taking the fall for the fiasco, along with James Roppo, a senior VP at Island Def Jam records, Bieber’s label. 

Police had asked Roppo to send out a Tweet cancelling the event.  None ever was.  When the police contacted Braun, he told them he had no access to a computer and was in a meeting.  Once Roppo was arrested for being uncooperative with authorities, child endangerment, and obstruction of  governmental administration, he contacted Braun, who sent out a couple of messages to cancel the event.  

The mob broke up shortly there-after and five people ended up going to the hospital, although no one was seriously injured. 

Roppo’s case is still pending, while Braun could spend a year in prison if found guilty.  With a nick-name like Scooter, he could become quite popular in there.  Although some would saya year is not nearly enough time for unleashing Justin Bieber and his “music” on the world.

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