Reality TV makes strange bedfellows…

Mark Burnett and Martha Stewart are collaborating on a new reality show they’re shopping around to the networks called Help Me Martha.

Apparently, the concept revolves around someone who’s over-whelmed by the prospect of throwing a party or facing some sort of  lifestyle issue hearing the doorbell ring, going to answer it and have Martha and her minions standing there, ready to take over at the suggestion of a friend.

Can’t you just see the notoriously no nonsense and somewhat prickly Stewart trying to deal with a Hoarder, helping a Real Housewife organize a dinner party, some over indulgent parent trying to throw their spoiled teen a Super Sweet 16th birthday party, or clashing with a Bridezilla? 

Awesome.

Sadly, I don’t think it will come to that, which is probably why the show hasn’t been picked up, yet.

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Earlier this winter after the Golden Globes, pictures serviced of Jeremy Piven and January Jones were seen leaving a party together. 

Didn’t think I’d top that so soon afterwards, but last night at the post Oscar Vanity Fair party, celebutard Peaches Geldof (20) and actor/director Eli Roth (37) were seen together. 

Maybe she’s hoping to be cast in his next film?

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Not in time to pick up their Razzie Award.  Pity.  Showing a sense of humor about regarding their own celebrity status (which is fading and fading fast) would do wonders for the Jonas Brothers brand longevity.  With Kevin concentrating on being married, Nick concentrating on getting a solo career going, and Joe concentrating on catching footballs they simply don’t have the time.

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Nor is she dating Kim Zolciak.  BAM!  (Sorry I couldn’t resist that one)

Tracy Young debunked the rumours that she and the Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member by speaking directly to UsWeekly saying, “These allegations of a secret affair aren’t new to me. It seems whenever I work with a high-profile female artist, someone is always trying to link us together romantically. The facts are Kim and I worked together….We spent a lot of time in the studio and in the process, became close friends due to our shared interest in music.”

In what weird alternative universe is Kim Tardy for the Party Zolciak a high profile female artist? 

You just know that Nene Leakes is breathing a sigh of relief over this news about Kim.  Any two people who actively go to the extremes they do to show disdain for each other publicly are usually trying to fight their attraction to one another if they’re not already all over each other in private.

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It was only a matter of time…

Poor, sad, lonely Jennifer Aniston is the latest celebrity to enter the fragrance market, with a new scent that “she” has been working on for the past couple of years. 

No word yet on what it’s going to end up being called as apparently Echo and Aniston were both submitted and shot down by the marketing department. 

Uh-oh!  Writers block can be such a bitch, especially when your minions aren’t coming through for you.  (Memo to Jenn get better minions).  Since Jen clearly needs some help since her minions are failing her, how about “Desperation“?  Smells like: contrived rom-coms, John Mayer’s pee and publicist arranged fake boy-friends.  

Another possibility is “Abandoned“.  Smells like: failed relationships, spinster-hood, and loneliness.

I could go on all day with this (it’s fun) but I think I’ll stop now.

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Poor Jon Gosselin (words I thought I’d never, ever type or say).

First, psychotic ex-girlfriend and wanna-be famewhore Hailey Glassman announces to the world that he’s hung like a nine year old (classy!), and went on to post a photo on Twitter claiming it was his penis (since taken down).  I didn’t look myself, as my eyeballs and retinas can only take so much abuse.   

Now Playgirl has come calling, offering Jon $20 k to get nekkid for a photo shoot.  Apparently in the highly unlikely event that Jon agrees to do it (although a cheque is a cheque) and his overlords and TLC sign off on it,  it’ll be more of lark than anything else .

Playgirl spokesminion Daniel Nardicio says if Jon’s interested he should do it.  “I said maybe $20,000 maybe for the novelty factor. No offense, but I don’t think he’s that attractive. People aren’t going to be like, ‘Ooh, it’s going to be a hot shoot.’  I doubt he will do it but I’m sure he would love the attention that Levi got. It would be hilarious, but I’m not going to offer him that much.”

.

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Jay Leno returned to his 11:35pm spot on the Tonight Show with the words “It’s good to be home.  I’m Jay Leno your host, at least for a while“.

It’s not going to be easy for Jay, he’s got some damage control to do, a brand to rebuild and a new band leader to hire However, since he only fell a place or two in a recent poll of most popular celebs, these aren’t impossible tasks.

Jay’s first guests were Jaimie Fox, Olympian Lindsay Von and singer/songwriter Brad Paisley.  Sounds kind of dull, but that seems to be Jay’s shtick, which up until last year worked well for him.

I’ve always been more of a Letterman fan myself, who was back to poking fun at his arch-rival by starting his show with ”My name is David Letterman, same time, same host.”

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She done her mama Sarah proud!

Deciding she can’t count on Levi Johnston for child support payments, smug little baby momma Bristol Palin has turned around and gotten herself a job as a guest star on an upcoming episode of The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

Dramatizing and glamorizing teenage pregnancy?  Heavens!  What will her mother’s friends and supporters in the GOP think?  

Here’s hoping Levi Johnston’s lawyers require that Bristol’s salary for her role be taken into consideration in regards to her demands for $1700 a month in child support payments. 

As for Levi Johnston, word is Marc Cherry is determined to get him on Desperate Housewives in some capacity, offically demonstrating that his show has indeed, jumped the shark.

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Oh, happy happy day!

Apparently, I can now have my cake and eat it to (and eat, and eat, and eat).

Deciding that they shouldn’t just market their product for woman, Spanx is now available for guys.

Spanx is that wonderful creation that firms up some parts (boobs or moobs depending on your gender) and pushes in others (love handles, stomach).  Female celebrity Spanx users may include Beyonce, Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, and Jennifer Lopez.  Male celebs who should give it a try include Vince Vaughn and Alec Baldwin.

Any gay man that ever wore Body Body Wear back in the day can tell you, been there, done that.  (Those clothes were unforgiving and probably not intended for anyone with more than 7% body fat.  Drink a glass of water, and it would show, but I digress.)

Considering I have a gym down at the end of my street I’m not willing to throw in the towel, admit the defeat, and go with the Spanx just yet.  Besides being somewhat expensive at about $60 per shirt, getting in and out of anything that tight is a real effort, and (just guessing here) most guys who wear it are not going to end up looking like the photo above (objects waring Spanx may be older and puffier than shown).

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Gwyneth Paltrow took her head out of her own ass long enough to sing the praises of her personal trainer, Tracy Anderson on her newsletter, Goop.

“Many of you may already know of my passion for the Tracy Anderson Method and my investment in it. She has kicked my formerly sagging ass  into shape and I will be forever grateful. This week, Tracy shares with us a little arm series that I did everyday preparing for Iron Man and that I take on the road. She just made it home-made style for me, lo fi. But it’s good. Especially for the batwing problem. Also, some of her dedicated clients talk about why they love her as much as I do. She has some brand new DVD’s that I have been doing in my hotel room on location and which I highly recommend.”

Goop is Gywn’s way of sharing her fountain of information with the common masses (meaning all of us).  It’s unintentionally hysterical.  Recipes, health and wellness advice, name dropping and pretention are pretty much what it’s all about, as is pushing various goods and services she has a vested interest in (and may or may not get for free in exchange for singing their praises). 

Moving on…

Tracy Anderson was also Madonna’s trainer, until she fell out of favor with her last year amid much rumour and speculation.  Apparently, good trainer aside, Tracy is something of a shady character.  People wondered if Gwyneth would follow the Big M’s lead and can Tracy as well, but she obviously kept her on.  Does this mean that Gwyn is on the outs with the Big M now too? 

Gwyneth also seems to have recommended Tracy to her ex-boyfriend’s ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston, and her pal Courtney Cox.  Looks like Tracy is trying to increase her client base through celebrity testimonials via Gwyn’s Goop.  Maybe her investment runs deeper than toning batwings and a sagging ass.

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