Dear  W Magazine, taking a surgically altered (because no way in hell that ass is real) nude famewhore and painting her silver is to “art” what an encounter between three strapping well endowed young men on Corbin Fisher is to family entertainment.

That is all.

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Ugh. Why is this show still on?  It’s beyond fake, not to mention stupid, and gives attention craving sociopaths the very spotlight they want. 

Rant over.

Looks like ABC is getting desperate going for Most! Controversial! Season! Ever! by bringing on one time bachelor Brad Womack back as the guy looking for love (in all the wrong places).

Brad made headlines a couple of years ago when he choose himself over 25 famewhoring hopefuls by opting to stay single during the finale, and thereby creating a huge backlash against him from fans and media.

Bet producers end up calling this season The Bachelor: Redemption or something equally cheesy.

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Guys from the Bieb’s road crew were eating at the Hooters in the West Edmonton Mall when they promised the girls the Bieb in exchange for copping a feel got talked into getting the Bieb to come in for a photo op. 

Cue countdown for (A) outraged parents bitching about the inappropriateness of the Bieb going to Hooters in the first place, and (B) a hit put on the girls in this photo by jealous 10 to 13 year olds.

source

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Anyone who’s not a fan of talent shows such as American Idol or America’s Got Talent may want to send legendary rocker and notorious grouch Lou Reed a thank you card.

Apparently, Susan Boyle, the runner up who wowed everyone with her rendition of I Have A Dream on Britain’s Got Talent a couple of years ago, was all set to perform Perfect Day on America’s Got Talent, when word came down that Lou was denying her permission to use his song, as he’s ”not a fan”. 

Ouch.

TMZ says that Su-Bo, who’s supposedly something of a fragile basket case, is now en-route back to the UK, completely devastated over Lou’s refusal to share.

The lesson here is never count on a cranky old to play nice, and always have a plan B to fall back on.

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The Hip Hop world was all aflutter yesterday as news broke that rapper Drake (Gabriel Drake Aubrey or that kid in the wheelchair from Degrassi) and Niki Minaj both Tweeted that they had gotten married.

“Please refer to @nickiminaj as Mrs. Aubrey Drake Graham and dont stare at her too long. She’s finally mine. .”

“Baby u scared?”

Hmmm.  Real deal or publicity stunt?

Spokesminions for both say that the Tweets aren’t true and the couple isn’t married while his “people” try to convince Drake to get an annulment and have an iron clad prenup in place first, just yanking the chains of their fans and the media.

Oh.  Burn?

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Milking  the extra 15 minutes of fame that being a co-star with Heidi Motag in a sex tape which will probably never ever see the light of day (but will be mentioned as often as possible by Spiedi) has bought her, ex Playboy play-mate and Hugh Hefner play-thing Karissa Shannon went to Millions of Milkshakes along with boyfriend Sam Jones III (who’s apparently out on bail in regards to his involvement with an Oxycontin ring) to create a signature shake.

Ugh.  I can only imagine what it must taste like.  Possible ingredients include Oxycontin, drug deals, sex-tapes, lube, the floor of a porn shoot, silicone, desperation, and famewhoring. 

Whatever you do, don’t swallow.

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Well, this is totally shocking (not really).  J-Lo is as demanding an employer as she (allegedly) is an employee. 

According to Life&Style (yeah, I know) Jenny from the block is seeking an assistant after the last one chewed through her restraints and escaped and the requirements are a real scream. 

“The person has to be graceful under pressure, have a thick skin, and be resourceful in foreign countries, among others things. You’ll be expected to travel at a moment’s notice and must know how to adjust in each city. The job is 6 days a week, at least 12 hour days with one day off, but you may not get off for weeks.  You’ll be on call 24/7 and you’ve got to be organized and always on point. You have to change diapers, work on little sleep and cook if the butler is away.  You have to know when J. Lo has her snack time. She won’t say she’s hungry, you’re just expected to have food waiting.”

Sounds like a lovely working environment.  So what is the salary for basically handing over your mind, body, and soul?  $55 to $65 thousand dollars a year (or $17.36 per hour, assuming the lucky canidate hired gets the high end wage).  Apparently, it’s considered a bonus at L&S that “you get to help” J-Lo dress for red carpet events and photo-shoots.

Snort.

No word if your expected to answer to “Peon”, watch J-Lo’s movies, listen to her music, and call her “beautiful” a set number of times per day.

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Lawerence Fishburne’s 19 year old daughter (far left) is taking a page from the Kim Kardashian School of Famewhoring and taking it one step further. 

Not only is she staring in her very own sex-tape in an effort to get her career going, she’s not bothering with the pretense of shock and outrage at it being released by hiring a lawyer to pretend to try and stop it’s imminent arrival on Aug 18th.

In a press release, Montana said, “I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape by Vivid. I’m hoping the same magic will work for me. I’m impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities and this seemed like a great way to get started on it.”

Yeah, that’s what Shauna Sand thought when she had her sex tape released earlier this year through Vivid as well.  Who?  Exactly.

Although this picture was taken earlier this year, the look on Lawerence Fishburne’s face says it all.

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I stopped watching CSI a few years ago.  It wasn’t that I thought it was bad (hello, CSI:Miami), it just simply had run it’s course for me and I moved on. 

Anyway, looks like CBS is trying to attract some buzz and new viewers to their flagship procedural drama by announcing a major piece of stunt casting in a desperate attempt to stay relevent. 

Justin Bieber will be making his acting debut in the season premiere of the show playing “a troubled teen who is faced with a terrible decision regarding his only brother — a decision that leads him into an explosive confrontation with the CSIs.”

So the Bieb has acting aspirations like Justin Timberlake now?  

Heaven help us.

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KIDDING! 

Jennifer Aniston’s fragrance Lolavie (they should have gone with “Abandoned”) is being released later this week, along with an ad campain that shows Jen (surprise, surprise) shirtless, on a beach, with her arms crossed over her breats, and the wind whipping through her famous hair.

Nice to see Jen branch out for a change (sarcasm).  

Interesting to note how the release of the fragrance and it’s campain got delayed just in time to end up coming out a few days before Angelina Jolie’s new action flick Salt. 

Trying to steal Angie’s thunder or ride on her coat-tails?  Discuss!

Jen also has a movie coming out next month, meaning a showmance with somebody (anybody) should be right around the corner, with paps getting photos and Jen’s spokes-minion denying anything’s going on.  Predictable. 

Hmmm.  Maybe that’s what Jen should have named her fragrance.

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