Oh sarcasm, where would I be without you?
Taylor Momsen, the petulant (and possibly ex) cast-member of Gossip Girlhas been picked by Lordes and Madonna to appear in a series of ads for Material Girl. Nothing screams edgy like Macy’s or Taylor, who’s a perfect example of someone trying to hard if ever their was one.
We. Get. It.
Your edgy. Your hardcore. You don’t give a f*ck.
Can we all go home now? It’s probably past your bedtime.
After her long suffering lawyer, Shawn Chapman-Holley, threw up her hands in frustration and ran screaming out of of the courtroom to get away from Lindsay resigned as Lindsay’s legal council last week (only to be told by the Judge that she can’t quit until all the appropriate paperwork has been filed) the big question was who was going to represent Lilo?
It’s not going to be some green lawyer who just passed the bar last year (which was the rumour late last week), or the Real Cornitian Leather in the spiffy powder blue suit to the left. Who? This would be Stuart V Goldberg, a criminal defense attorney who dropped everything on his plate and left his practice in Illinois to come rushing to Lindsay’s legal aid (whether she wanted it or not).
Surprise, surprise, the Lohans apparently aren’t going to take Mr. Goldberg up on his completely generous and in no way self-serving offer after all. A source close to the lawyer says that the Lohans couldn’t afford Goldberg and that he refused to work for free (so there too). Meanwhile, another source close to Lindsay (obviously Dina) says that she felt Mr. Goldberg was a little too “eccentric”. Heh.
Never thought I’d say this about the Lohan’s, but smart move.
TMZ is now reporting that the Lohans have hired high powered attorney Robert Shapiroto represent Linds with her appeal from here on, so Real Cornithian Leather has taken his leathery hide and powder blue suit back to the windy city.
This really shouldn’t come as a surprise, should it?
One has-been with a drug problem and a ridiculous story literally stolen from an episode of Six Feet Under (it got even more ridiculous as time went on) and a fame-whoring doctor with a show to produce.
Jeremy told the world that he was forced to smoke crack at gunpoint and deliver booze to the gang-areas of Palm Springs, but not before the kidnappers dropped off his wife first, because she was crying (and they were considerate as kidnapping crackheads tend to be). Both she and Jeremy are having custody issues to do with their kid due to past brushes with the law and drug use.
Jeremey’s mother and twin brother even went so far as to basically say his story was a crock of sh*t in the media. Now Radar is reporting that Jermey is heading to Celebrity Rehab, despite his recent interview with People, where he maintained that he’s sober and still on the wagon (insert eyeroll), even though he was forced to party at gunpoint.
Considering other victims patients of Dr Drew this season will include Tila Tequila and Jason Wahler, the trainwreck potential for this is epic.
What is it with reality TV personalities (I refuse to call them celebrities) and delusions of singing careers?
Last summer it was Real Housewife of AtlantaKim Zolciak being Tardy For The Party. This past winter, it was Heidi Montag and an entire album, Superficial. Just a short while ago, Countess (the “o” is silent) Luann of the Real Housewives of New York was ironically pointing out that Money Can’t Buy You Class.
So of course one of those Jersey Shorecreatures just had to get in on the act before their 15 minutes is up. The Situation thankfully doesn’t attempt to sing (yay) he tries to rap (boo).
Here’s a teaser of the horror that is The Situation Rap before it gets released on i-Tunesnext week. Bonus marks if you can listen to the whole thing without reaching for the aspirin and if you can figure out if he’s rapping about himself, his abs, or an actual set of circumstances.
Great news for fans of schadenfreude and trainwreck TV masquerading as human interest television.
Looks like Dr Drew Pinsky has found several more desperate has-beens to join Tila Tequila for Celebrity Rehab 4: It Was This Or Financial Ruin. At this rate, production on the show should now start sometime this summer.
So who are the hapless famewhores lucky patients that will be joining Tila for treatment so far?
Jason Wahler
Where you know him from – First onLaguna Beach then on the first season of The Hills as Lauren Conrad’s slightly Neanderthal like (but still somewhat hot) boyfriend.
What’s he been doing since? - Nothing really. Except getting drunk and thrown into jail on a pseudo regular basis for disorderly conduct including getting into fights.
Reason for rehab – He’s a violent drunk.
Jason (Gummie Bear) Davis
Where do you know him from? – The big brother of Brandon (Greasy Bear) Davis and heir to an oil fortune. Was recently on Millionaire Matchmaker.
What’s he been doing since? Since when? He’s famous for being famous, being a slob, and generally making an ass out of himself when drunk or high, which is often.
Reason for rehab? – Booze and heroin.
Shauna Sand
Where do you know her from? – A Playboycenterfold who was once maried to Lorenzo Lamas. Also deflowered Chace Crawford. Recently released a sex tape. No one cared.
What’s she been doing since? – See above.
Reason for rehab? – No word. Plastic surgery and tanning maybe?
Bonnie Pointer
Where do you know her from? – The Pointer Sisters
What’s she been doing since? – Apparently cashing in her royalty checks and living the high life, so to speak.
Reason for rehab? – Shoving anything and everything powdery up her nose.
There you have it. Dr Drew has five patients to “help” on his show. All he needs now is just another three to five, and the camera’s can start rolling.
They picked you for the cover becuase your a man’s man. Manly maning up with your hetrosexual manliness as no man can.
Man, the jokes almost write themselves.
So Tom Crusie is on the cover of Esquire’s How To Be A Man issue and either the editor was going for satire or strings were pulled because, lets face it, him?? Really???
Five years ago when Tom was supposed to be promoting War of The Worlds with Stephen Speilberg, he instead picked fights with Brooke Shields in the media and Matt Lauer on the Today Show, couch jumped on Oprah, and seemed to be determined to prove to the world that Kat-E Holmes was in no way an arranged or contrived relationship, pissing off Speilberg with his antics in the process.
Anyhoodle, Tom address’s the whole couch jumping incident and the aftermath (which is when his name pretty much became the punchline of many a joke).
On the Oprah Interview: “What happened, happened… I wanted the audience to be happy just like I wanted to make my sisters and my mother happy when I did those skits as a kid. But I’ll take responsibility for my actions… Afterward, wild things were being said about me, and once they’re in the ether, there’s nothing you can do about it. It felt like being the new kid in the schoolyard again and the other kids are whispering and whispering about you and suddenly you hear what they’re saying, and you think, What? That didn’t happen. Look at the reality of the situation.”
On the Oprah Fallout: “There was a confluence of events. My deal with Paramount was up and it wasn’t extended. At first it was, Huh? I don’t get it. But people have misconceptions about that whole thing, too. Sumner Redstone and I are friends. It’s a business.”
Actually, I remember at the time Hollywood seemed to be trying to distance itself from someone who seemed destined to get a 5150 (mandatory psych assessment) placed on them. Maybe the stress of always being “ON” was staring to get to him then. Who knows?
Esquire’s got more bits from the interview and Tom comes across far less manic than he usually does. I’m guessing he’s either been practicing on toning it down a notch or KatE has been slipping him Valium with his Xenu approved juice boxes.
Here’s Marc Jacobs looking for all the world like an aging circuit queen coming down on a Monday morning after a weekend of hard core partying in an ad for his new cologne called BANG. Subtle.
Possible influences of the scent include the walk of shame, body sweat, tanning oil, tattoos and desperation stemming from gay mid-life crisis.
Marc should have just named this CRASS, but it probably would have been rejected by the buzz kills in the marketing department.
…Since I put a kibosh on posting anything about Tila Tequila. However, all good things must come to an end, and since she actually did something somewhat post worthy (as opposed to making sh*t up to get attention) here we are.
Apparently, Tila has a music career of some sort and has been working on an EP, called of all things “The Edge of Darkness”. I haven’t heard anything from it nor do I wish to. I’ve already exposed myself this year to Heidi Montag, Countess Luann, and Lindsay Lohan my ears can’t take any more. Seriously.
Anyway, Tila put on a concert at the release party for it Wedensday night in LA. You know your event is a wash when the biggest name in attendence is some American Idol cast off from a previous season.
As you can see Tila’s brought her A game (well, A game for her) for the red carpet. Now that’s glamorous.
Faithless Hussy (aka Rachel Uchitel) never one to miss a chance to famewhore, came back from her exile vacation in Mexico to address the whole David Boreanaz thing and set the record straight yesterday.
“David Boreanaz is not part of my life, nor will he be. I am not in contact with him and do not wish to be. I have made no claims against him and do not plan to assert any. Any statements to the contrary are false and I hope that this statement will finally end any speculation about this issue. I am looking forward to a life not filled with scandal, rumor, innuendo or false statements. I will not have any further comment regarding David Boreanaz.” She said in a statement through her lawyer Gloria Allred.
Faithless Hussy apparently did have a fling with Boreanaz last summer, before moving on to Tiger Woods (hence her monikor), who gave her a huge chunk of hush money to keep her quiet.
As for her hopes of living a life free of scandal, rumour, and innuendo?
Famewhoring and desperation for relevance makes strange bedfellows.
Now comes word via People that Emilio Masella, the fame hungry Guido that latched himself onto Jersey Shore’s Snooki earlier this year, only to be kicked to the curb when she realized he was more interested in being on reality TV than being on her, is going to be starring in his own reality TV show called (wait for this)…Fist Pumping For Love.
I’m not making this crap up.
The series will follow Emilio around the USA as he looks for love in all the wrong places from Hollywood to Queens in search of a “real Guidette who can speak Italian”. Sounds like a real winner.
Who’s brain child is this? Pratt Productions. As in Spencer Pratt. The 
increasingly plastic looking Heidi Montag is listed as an “executive producer”. Random sidenote – both were listed yesterday among Time Magazine’s “least influential” people (heh).
Full of delusions of grandeur as always, Spencer released a statement, saying “It is the perfect partnership for me as a growing player in reality television.”
Filming has already started this week. No word if any network has picked the show up as of yet or even expressed interest.
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