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It has it all. Politics! Has-beens! Never-weres! Dancing! Drama!

Last night on Dancing For A Cheque, Mama Grizzly Sarah Palin showed up in person to support her tubby little cub, Bristol the Pistol (I kid you not, this is what Sarah actually called her).

Bristol actually wasn’t bad, but the drama actually revolved around Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough.  Sarah was introduced right after they finished and the judges had given them their score.  The spin host Tom Bergeron and ABC is giving is that the audience was booing over the pair’s score of 24 out of 30 for their routine.

Maybe.

But!  If you look at the expression on Sarah’s face in the video, the boos seem to be having a bit of an effect on her.  Maybe the audience just didn’t like her ensemble?

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Hypocrisy runs in the Palin family, no?

Over the weekend, it was announced that the re-engagement between Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin was off because of ex-girlfriend issues.  Apparently, Levi sprung the news of his possible paternity with an ex-girlfriend the day he and Bristol’s US Magazine cover hit the newstands (this kind of calls into question the ex-girlfriend’s assertion that she hasn’t seen him since high-school).

Bristol complained to People  about her ex-fiance (x2), saying there’s been “no remorse” on Levi’s part over the matter and that she’s only “seen him once in the past three weeks”. 

Bristol clarified the reason for the latest breakup, saying, “It’s over. I broke up with him. The final straw was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family. He’s just obsessed with the limelight and I got played.  Through this whole experience I know I need a man who’s going to be completely honest with me and someone who loves me and Tripp and wants to be with him all the time. I also want someone who has religious beliefs and a good family.”

Anyone else think that Levi and Bristol couldn’t find anyone to pick up that reality show they were so determined to launch? 

As Sarah Palin is breathes a HUGE sigh or relief, and Kathy Griffin works on how to make this into another skit about her, a meeting is probably taking place in the bowels of ABC headquarters with execs debating the following topic, Bristol Palin: the next Bachelorette?

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Do you think Kathy Griffin knows about this yet?

According to E! Online, the engagement is off, but not because of the drama involving The Wasilla Village Bicycle (Lanesia Garcia), pregnant by one of her ex-boyfriends, a list which included Levi Johnston, according to The National Enquirer. 

In a page right out of Mama Mia! WVB is not sure who the father is, although she’s now telling Us that Levi isn’t the father as she hasn’t had any contact with him since high-school and that she doesn’t know how this rumour got started.

Back to Levi and Bristol’s non-engagement.  Word is that Bristol took exception to Levi’s Facebook status with another ex-girlfriend, Briana Plum.  Apparently, Levi’s involvement with his ex isn’t quite as past-tense as Bristol would like and she hit the brakes. 

Neither Levi or Bristol are confirming anything, which probably means there’s a lot of groveling and bickering going on.  After all, there’s a reality show dependent on this marriage happening.

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However, it’s not with fiance Bristol Palin. 

Awkward.

According to  The National Enquirer (yeah, I know), Lanesia Garcia, who’s now several months pregnant, got back together with ex-boyfriend Levi on several occasions in late 2009 and early 2010.  Apparently, Lanesia, bless her heart, is the village bicycle of Wasilla (everybody’s had a ride), and she’s unsure if Levi’s the father or it’s one of her other exes. 

Paging Maury Povich! 

Word is Bristol is livid over this news, and it may delay (if not completely torpedo), her wedding plans to Levi.  You just know Sarah must be feeling all sorts of mixed emotions over this latest scandal that Levi’s embroiled her family in.

As for the village bicycle Lanesia, she plans to have a paternity test once the baby is born, so Levi may end up as Sarah’s son-in-law yet.

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Apparently, one slightly insane, greedy, famewhore and her litter just isn’t enough to bring in the viewers, so Kate is packing up the kids and heading up to Alaska this weekend to go on a camping trip with the ex-governor made Fox News  pundent which will all be taped by TLC.

Is Sarah Palin doing this to drum up interest for her own reality series, Sarah Palin’s Alaska (the jokes almost write themselves) which is also going to be on TLC, or is she maneuvering to take another run at politics in 2012?

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What better reason to reconcile than for the sake of your child creating the basis for a reality TV show?

Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin, who floored everyone when they announced in last week’s US Magazine that they were engaged, have been shopping around several pitches for a reality TV show starring themselves and their 2 year old kid, Tripp, as they work, play, and go about their daily routines. 

Sounds fascinating.  

However, no one is buying what they’re selling (yet).  Apparently, network execs think the pair are “boring” and “neither of them have personalities”.   Having previously seen Levi on Live with Larry King when Kathy Griffin subbed for the geriatric sex symbol, I can honestly say that’s a pretty accurate statement.

Silly famewhores!  What they need to do is create some drams for the show.  Involve Levi’s Palin hating sister Mercedes, Bristol’s ma, Sarah, and promise occasional appearances by Kathy Griffin.  That would guarantee a ratings bonanza.

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Oh, Sarah Palin’s going to have a teutonic coniption over this one.

 Us Weekly is saying that not only are Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin back together, they’re  engaged. 

Apparently, the two became enaged two weeks ago after getting back together earlier this spring.  According to the interview, Levi and Bristol had been working on a custody/visitation plan for their son at the time when they realized they still had feelings for one another and had both changed (assumingly for the better).  

Neither of the kid’s parents knew of the engagement at the time the pair were interviewed for the magazine.  Here’s hoping they managed to break the news to them before now, otherwise….awkward.

Update – Sarah Palin has released a statement regarding Bristol and Levi’s engagement which reads, “Bristol at 19 is now a young adult. We obviously want what’s best for our children. Bristol believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice in our daily lives.”

Although she’s standing behind her daughter (at least publicly) it’s not exactly a ringing endorsement is it? 

As for that “redemption and forgiveness” part, is Sarah tired of civilian life and going to give politics another try?  The next Presidential election is in two years.

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Uh-oh.  If true, Sarah Palin will not be pleased.

According to  Us Weekly, the wanna be Playgirlmodel (epic fail) and teenage mother made abstinence advocate (really epic fail) are seeing each other again.  Word is the relationship between the two has thawed, although that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s heated up again. 

For a while,  it was all out war between Johnston and the Palins.  Levi claimed Bristol (and Sarah) weren’t letting him have access to his kid, Tripp, while the Palins pretty much did everything they could to vilify Levi through the media.  It all came to a head when Bristol ended up taking her baby daddy to court for child support (Levi ponied up) this past winter.

Are they together or just co-parenting (which is what they should have done to begin with)?  Tank Jones, Johnstons manager/body gaurd says they have no plans to get back together and are just making an effort for the sake of their kid. With Bristol living in Anchorage, Sarah probably isn’t interfering as much as she was prior.   

Who knows?   I’m more interested in what this rumour means for Levi’s pretend girlfriend, Kathy Griffin.

Speaking of which….

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Ugh. 

Sarah Palin’s Alasaka, produced by Mark Burnnett has been snapped up the by the network for a cool $1 million per episode.

The eight part show will focus on “the remarkable Governor Palin and the state of Alaska“  TLC is marketing more of a documentary than a reality show.

Possible scenarios for future episodes could include hunting expeditions (moose, wild turkey, caribou, and illegal immigrants) and keeping an eye on the Russians across the straight or the Canadians to the south (too socialist that bunch, can’t be up to anything good). Other potential episodes could deal with the Palins running people out of town who don’t see eye to eye with Sarah’s politics.  Good times.

No word yet if there are any plans to have Palin family nemisis Levi Johnston to be involved in any capacity.

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This woman’s name is becoming synonymous with greed (besides hypocrisy and stupidity).

Sarah Palin showed her true coloursagain yesterday when she and 20 of her minions allegedly “cleaned out” one of those Oscar Gifting Suites. 

“Gifting Suites” are a pretentiousname for hotel conference rooms turned into giant gift grabbing or swag centres for celebs.  No one pays for anything, although they do have to pay taxes for all goods and services (or are at least supposed to) recieved.

(Side note – may I also just state how much I hate how the term “gifting” or “gifted” has caught on, as in “I gifted so and so with a new sweater”?  It’s GIVE or GAVE  people.  Learn it, live it, love it.  Ok, rant over.  We now return you to our regularly scheduled bashing of Sarah Palin).

Apparently, Palin helped herself to clothing, cosmetics, jewelery, 40 pairs of headphones, and got her kid’s hair done.  According to sources that were there she wouldn’t let anyone take her picture (lest she look greedy?) and refused interviews.  One person described the scene as akin to watching locusts swarm.

Palin for her part, gave a $1700 donation to the Red Cross at the event, but since she and her posse left with several times that amount in swag, not to mention what she’s earning, it seems kind of stingy.

No idea why Palin, who has nothing to do with the Academy Awards was allowed into an “Oscar Gifting (ugh) Suite” in the first place.  Perhaps it has something to do with that reality TV show she and producer Mark Burnett (Survivor) are shopping around to the networks?

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