The publisher that brought us Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters are now turning their attention to actual historical figures.

If Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter sells like Seth Grahame-Smith’s other novels (and the trailer for the book is just purposely bad enough to guarantee interest in it), chances are other historical figures will get similar treatment. 

Not sure if it’s too soon or not, but can’t you just picture Ronald Regan as a space alien?

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I’d imagine so is she.

Behold the glamour that is Jon Gosselin’s cast off, would be famewhore Hailey Glassman on the cover of some free-be magazine for the lucky residents of New York. 

In Hailey’s intellectually stimulating interview, she continues to trash Jon, (like, let it go already) but since he’s her only claim to fame, she’s still playing the victim card.  Showing a total lack of irony, Hailey calls Jon a “textbook sociopath” and like a young teenage girl who puts out for a boyfriend only to realize it wasn’t really love, goes on ad nausem about Jon’s “tiny” penis, and how she thought he’d never cheat on her because of it.

Needless to say, her current, and quite possibly last boyfriend ever (if she has one) is probably wondering how she’ll respond once he dumps her ass as well.

As for her absolutely stunning ensemble, looks like J-Woww’s (Jersey Shore) clothing line has already launched.

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That she’s still famewhoring and isn’t going to stop.  Ever.  Oh yeah, and she fixed her busted weave too.

Kate Gosselin is going the route of author again, having a book published this spring called I Just Want You To Know: Letters to my Kids on Love, Faith and Family. 

Awwwwww!  Sounds heartwarming.  Except not.

Apparently, the book will contain excerpts from her personal journal, tracking her rise from frumpy nobody to celebrity famewhore, woman wronged and tabloid fodder.  It will also contain eight individual letters to her children, even the two that made her cry when they made fun of her hair extentions.  No word if there’ll be a letter to Jon in the special deluxe edition.

I’m sure it will be filled with all sorts of insights that we have never ever heard from her before, except of course for just about every time she’s interviewed. 

Meh.

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Did we ever?

After what seems like many, many,  many, months, Playgirl released it’s Winter 2010 issue, (it’s normally only available online) featuring Sarah Palin nemesis Levi Johnson in the almost but not quite buff.  In other words, he’s nekkid, but we don’t get to see the goods.  Boo!

False advertising or last minute jitters on Levi’s part?  Let the debate rage on!

BTW: unless “NYC’S Hottest Bartenders” include some from G-Bar, Splash and Barracuda, the magazine doesn’t know what it’s talking about.

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Architectual Digest brings us inside the home of America’s Favorite Abandoned (and still unlucky in love) Sweetheart for their March issue.

Apparently, Jens home has been redesigned for a single girl, with the his and her bathroom turned into a lady spa.  Oh yes, and she’s very, very, happy!

So much for those reconciliation rumours that the tabloids trot out about once a month or the kids she said she wanted to have shortly after her divorce over five years ago.

Remember that?  Yeah, Not.  Going.  To.  Happen.  Although given who her fanbase is, Aniston will never admit it. 

Interestingly, Brad Pitt and one of his homes was featured in AD this time last year.  Do you think it’s a coincidence?

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Uh-oh.  Looks like Grayden Carter and the rest of the gang may have a new  PR crisis on their hands, given the comments I’ve seen floating around the blogosphere this afternoon.

Getting a bunch of busy actress’ together for a shoot is a logistical nightmare, add to that dealing with management teams that want their product to be front and centre or the focus of their own cover, and add scheduling conflicts, I’m willing to give VF the benefit of the doubt for the time being, as this issue  reflects a segment of Hollywood, not society as a whole. 

What do you think?

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We all knew this was coming.

Granted, anyone with an IQ higher than a houseplant knows that OK!, In Touch and Starare all about as reliable as Tila Tequila when it comes to reporting the truth, but enough already.

As for US Magazine, which has always been far less sycophantic than People, notice that they’re not quite going so far as to say that it’s definitely over between Brad and St. Ange, though they can’t help but bring Jennifer Aniston’s name into the picture.

It should be interesting to see where People magazine comes in on this, as their readers generally don’t like Jolie (the other woman) tending to side with the far less threatening Aniston.

As for the cottage industry that is the non-love-triangle that just won’t go away, what will the hacks that write for these things do when it at long last, finally does?

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Haters to the left.

Guess they’re not going to be happy until they’ve squeezed every bit of creativity out of the Twilight franchise.  And by “creativity” I really mean new marketing ploys to resell the same story again, and again, and again, making even more money off of the Twi-hards.

Twilight: The Graphic Novel Vol 1. hits the book shelves March 20th.  (Coincidentally, the very date the DVD and Blu-Ray of New Moon hits the shelves as well)  Only 350 000 copies of the graphic novel will be for sale (at leat initally), so get in line now, lest you be left out!  Suddenly, I’m picturing hordes of breathless teenage girls descending on comic books stores, freaking out nerds everywhere.  Heh.

At the rate it’s going, there’s sure to be re-hab offered for the Twi-hards (for a price) once it’s all over.  Assuming it ever is.

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Seriously, the tabloids need to get a new back up plan in operation. 

Yes, Jennifer Aniston is a narcissist nor is she remotely close to the “girl next door” she tries to pass herself off as (why do you think both Brads dumped her?) but this sort of thing is ridiculous.

Do the tabloids actually believe that people buy every decision she makes is based on how it will make Brad Pitt feel, piss off Angelina, or make her look in comparison to them?

Looks like People is well on the way to Brad & Jen: the Tenth Anniversary Break Up Collector’s Special Edition.

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This actually sounds like it would be a lot of fun to read, if not experience first hand.

Let’s face it, watching wretchedly awful, horrendously acted, and unintentially hysterical films are a lot of fun (at least in small doses).  Mommy Dearest, Plan 9 From Outer Space, Showgirls and Die! Mommy Die! (although in all honesty that one was probably intentional) remain some of my all time favorites to hate on.

Enter film critic and Movieline contributor Michael Adam’s search to find the worst movie ever made (think the plot of Julie & Julia, except with grade Z movies instead of great recipes) in his book Showgirls, Teenwolves, And Astrozombies.

If nothing else, you have to admire the guys resolve, not to mention guts, risking his sanity and I.Q. watching some of these things.  After watching The Perils of Gwendolyn in the Land of Yik-Yak (don’t ask) years ago, I couldn’t do math.  In fact, I still have problems with it to this day.

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