Does this mean she’s actually literate? 

Snooki, the transsexual Oompa Loompa of Jersey Shore, will be releasing “her” first novel early next year.  Tentatively titled A Shore Thing, the plot follows a young woman as she looks for love on the boardwalk.  Fighting, drinking, and fist pumping ensues.

I’m just shocked that it’s not going to be a pop-up scratch and sniff on par with the likes of Go Dog Go.

In a press release, Snooki supposedly wrote, “I’m pumped to announce to my fans a project that I’ve been working on for some time. This book will have you falling in love at the shore. It’s A Shore Thing!”

Oh for the love of….

Do you think Snooki’s book will make it onto Oprah’s Book Club?

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In related news, I’m having hot flashes.

Ryan in all his scorching hotness graces the cover of  the new issue of GQ in promotion of his new film Buried.  In the movie he plays an American contractor in Iraq kidnapped by radicals and held for ransom, spending most of the time buried alive in a coffin with only a pen light and a cell phone (must have excellent reception).

In the interview Ryan discusses what it was like to film Buried (“I’ll never, ever in my life complain on a set again after being on that set. Sixteen, seventeen days of doing that… It was such a state of emotional distress.”), his marriage to Scarlett Johaanson, and his career as a leading man. 

I’m curious about that tattoo on his inner wrist.  I’ve seen it in other pictures but can’t make out waht it is.  Anyone have any ideas?  And since no post about Ryan would be complete without seeing a little bit of his skin, here’s another picture from his photo shoot for GQ. 

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Considering that just under two years ago virtually no one had heard of her, the speed that an unauthorized biography has been made shouldn’t be surprising.

Hitting the bookshelves on September 14, Pokerface: The Rise and Rise of Lady Gaga explores the how the singer made it big, and how the pressures of fame are supposedly affecting her.

Interviewing former employees of Gaga’s (always a reliable source for dirty laundry), the book claims the singer has an eating disorder and was hospitalized six times due to dangerous eating habits.

Former tour manager David Ciemmy says Gaga would go on junk food binges, then virtually starve herself for weeks afterwards.  Apparently, Gaga is another follower of that “baby-food diet” that other celebs are rumoured to follow (note to self:  pick up some Gerber at grocery store this week).

Not helping the speculation regarding her health was Gaga’s well publicized collapse while on stage in New Zealand last March.  Initally the singer blamed jet leg, but later alluded to The Times in London as having Lupus, symptoms of which can include extreme fatigue.

Other tidbits from the book include a story of how she once talked about herself in the third person (although since Lady Gaga is a stage name and persona that Stephanie Germanotta created in order to “make it”, this doesn’t seem any more strange than an actor talking about a character they portray in the third person), has become a control freak,  and has gone through a fair number of employees.  SHOCKING.  

In other Gaga news, she’ll be at the MTV Music Video Awards next Sunday, where she’s been nominated for 13 awards and is expected to clean up.

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I love dish, especially from a bitchy, aging, queen who isn’t afraid to name names and throw down (and I mean that as a  compliment).

Part guide to good etiquette, part dishy memoir, in Gunn’s Golden Rules: Life’s Little Lessons for Making It Work, the Project Runway host writes about dealing with the likes of Padma Lakshmi, Martha Stewart’s daughter Alexis (“the angriest person I ever met”), Issac Mizrahi (“..I wouldn’t have the words to describe some of the more abhorrent behavior. He really is a terrible, terrible, terrible person.”) and Vogue overlord herself, Anna Wintour.

“It’s insane that people don’t call her out on the things she does. Is it fear? I was certainly afraid of her. When her office called me, I thought I’d have to go into the witness protection program.” He tells the NYDN.

Uh-oh.  Anna is not going to be amused.  Also?  HA!  (Do I need to mention I’ll be picking this up next week when it’s released on Tuesday?  I didn’t think so.)

Tim also goes into details about his own life, family (distant mother, homophobic father) and his interesting decision to remain celibate after a horrible relationship which ended years ago.

As for good manners in a post reality TV world that now seems to reward bad behavior with little or no consequences, Tim says, “Take the high road, you’ll never regret it.”

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Can you believe this guy is 46?  I’m going to deduct marks from Rob as he’s holding his stomach in a little but out of 10, he’s still a solid “8″.

The cover doesn’t look overly photoshopped either, which is nice for a change (Men’s Health, take note).

Rob left ABC sap fest Brothers & Sisters this past spring (his character was killed off, I think – I gave up on the show last year) and has now joined the cast of Parks & Recreation for the new season.  Smart move. 

In the magazine, he talks about what he does to stay in shape and how he’s been sober now for 20 years.  Whatever his routine, it  seems to be working for him, no?

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Rolling Stone gives Emmy fave Mad Men the cover treatment with Elizabeth Moss, January Jones, Jonn Hamm, and Christina Hendricks all in character.  No John Slattery (Roger)?  Boo.

Why does Don (Jon Hamm) look like he’s holding his breath?  Did someone let one fly in the back seat?  I hate it when that happens.  Also, his right leg seems to be completley missing, as does Betty’s right forearm and hand. 

I get that the actresses probably try to distance themselves from their characters off the lot, but whomever styled the ladies for this shoot needs to take over duties for them for all future red carpet events (although January Jones’ hair once again has that “freshly f*cked” look to it).

As for the “best show on TV”, sorry Rolling Stone, but that mantle belongs to Breaking Bad .

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Denial is not just a river in Egypt, it’s a Lohan family trait.

On the cover for the upcoming October issue of Vanity Fair, Lindsay gave an interview during the time between her sentencing and actually starting her jail time.

Needless to say, the interview is a real scream.  Lindsay says she was never an addict, but admits she “dabbled” with certain conveniently unnamed “things” while being rich, young, and irresponsible (earlier this year, given her behaviour).  ““It was very go-go-go and I had a lot of responsibility; and I think just the second I didn’t have [structure] anymore—I was 18, 19—with a ton of money and no one really here to tell me that I couldn’t do certain things … And I see where that’s gotten me now, and I don’t like it.”

Besides still blaming her revolting father Michael for just about everything, Lindsay also blames the tabloids and a certain poorly weaved singer as well, saying using them for her main source of news and as a role model was “Really scary and sad… I would look up to those girls… the Britneys and whatever. And I would be like, I want to be like that.”

The magazine also interviewed publicists and paparazzi for the piece.  The publicits called her “Hollywood Krptonite”, while the paps claim she poses for photos at $10 grand a piece.  Although Lindsay says the paps are all a bunch of liars, they remain adamant.  Makes sense, the money has to be coming in somehow, Lindsay celebrated her release last week by buying herself a new car, not exactly the action of someone who’s aledgedly broke.  

Lindsay also says her party girl past is now behind her and that she’s seeking to “get back the respect I had when I was making great movies.  And if that takes not going out to a club at night, then so be it. It’s not fun anyway.”

Yeah, Just My Luck, Herbie Fully Loaded, and Freaky Friday were “great movies”.  As for the not going out to clubs since it’s “not fun”, any of you care to guess who got pulled over for running a stop sign this past weekend on her way to the Chateau Marmont?

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Nothing says “who f*cked who?” more than than wearing a slight smirk on the cover of People Magazine as a way to celebrate your $100 million dollar windfall from your philandering husband that you just divorced.

In an exclusive (that word certainly gets tossed around a lot) interview Elin Nordegren talks about the past nine months and what she’s been through.  To summarize: Blah blah blah, “been through hell”, blah blah, “embarrassed” blah “stronger”.  She forgot to mention $100 million or so richer, but that would have been crass.

No word if Elin’s planning on doing televised interviews (you just know Barbara Walters, Oprah and Larry King are all chomping at the bit), or if this is a one shot deal.  Now we now why the settlement took so long.  Tiger and his team proabably wanted a gag order in place like the one for Faithless Hussy, but Elin wanted the chance to turn the screws a little tell her side.

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Check out the latest cover for Rolling Stone.   

What, no naked Joe Manganiello (Alcide)?  Boo.  

The three leads of True Blood, Alexander Skarsgard, Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer (Eric, Sookie, and Bill) bare it all except for some fake blood for the cover story inside.  Lucky bitch.

Series creator Alan Ball tells the magazine, “To me vampires are sex.  I don’t get a vampire story about abstinence.  I’m 53.  I don’t care about high school students.  I find them irritating and uninformed.”

Oh, SNAP.

Twihards, you’ve been served.

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Pretty boys always have to deal with people wanting things from them (even if it’s just their company, they are after all, nice to look at).  The really, really, pretty ones also need to always watch out for invites from powerful people who might have alterior motives.

Be it Bryan Singer chasing down Zac with one of his minions to “come say hi”, during Zac’s interview which is in the new issue of  Details Magazine , or this interesting (and slightly creepy) story Zac gave about meeting Tom Cruise.

Cruise recently flagged Efron down in the lobby of CAA, “You ride motorcycles?” Cruise asked him. Alas, he didn’t. “You wanna learn how?” Cruise invited him out to his house, taught him how a motorcycle engine works, showed him the hangar with his dozens of pristine bikes–including the Triumphs he rode in the Mission: Impossible movies. Efron was allowed to ride a pedigree-less dirt bike. “He made so many great movies,” Efron says of Cruise. “I get the feeling that he works really, really hard. It didn’t come from swagger with him. It came from dedication, hard work. You see it in the way he physicalizes everything. You watch The Last Samurai and that’s him! He’s really doing that.” I ask Efron why he supposes Cruise bothered reaching out to him. “I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t even want to know. It’s just so cool that he gave a shit, the fact that he cared at all. No one else did that.”

Oh, come on!  Wrap that pretty little head of yours around why a man twice your age would want to hang out with you. 

Actually, I think Tom might have been scoping out a prospective new follower of Xenu with Zac and was trying to get a feel for him (as opposed to just coping one).  Still, there’s a bit of an ick factor here, although Zac is too polite and smart to mention it.

I’m going to have to remember that line “You ride Motorcycles?  You wanna learn how?” when trying to land a twink half my age, clearly it works.

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