Cites the “unwanted media attention” on her planned bash at a club for the 29th of the month.  Cue eye-rolling.

Memo to all hangers-on, would be mistressess, blackmailers, and rich married guys looking to step out on their wives: There is no guest list and Faithless Hussy will not be in the building.

According to her lawyer, Gloria Allred (who I hope is charging double since she seems to be pulling duty as Faithless Hussy’s spokesminion as well) “The media attention was unexpected and unwelcome and for that reason the planned party will not take place.”

Uh, what exactly was the dumb ho expecting?  Cripes. 

Rumour now is Faithless Hussy is planning some sort of small boot camp birthday party on the beach for herself and a few of her friends.  Riiiiiiiiiight.  Because the sight of a bunch of skanks working out in combat boots and bikinis won’t attract any attention.

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Just when we thought it was safe to go back into the water…

Wouldn’t you want to go celebrate with “celebrity socialite” Faithless Hussy on her birthday?  Apparently, she’ll be turning  tricks 35. 

Awesome!  She doesn’t look a day over 38.   

Wonder what she’s charging to get into her party?  Besides one’s self respect and reputation, that is.  After all, Faithless Hussy doesn’t give anything away for free.  Even her guaranteed silence comes at a price (low seven figures).

Besides “special guests” and “celebrity DJ’s”, possible birthday activities will include being on the lookout for her next celebrity husband to have an affair with so her “friends” can sell the story to the tabloids. 

You should always do what your best at, even while partying.

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Another one of those classy babes that Tiger Woods allegedly had playing with his putter, Jamie Jungers, now apparently wants to “help” others.  And by help, I mean find better ways to famewhore and get money, since she isn’t saying anything that hasn’t already been heard before. 

According to Page Six, she and Chef Gordon Ramsay’s alleged former mistress, Sarah Symonds, are planning a project together.  It would seem Symonds wants Jungers to join her group, Mistress’ Anonymous, which supposedly helps skanky hos get out of “toxic relationships with married men”.

Here’s a wild idea, but lket me throw it out there anyway.  Don’t screw around with guys that are already taken.  (I know, mind boggling!)

I also fail to see how two women who went to the press and made their affairs with married men public can then run a group with the word “anonymous” in it.  Anyone who tells these two hos anything needs their head examined. 

This smacks of a potential extortion ring or a way to collect dirt to sell to the tabloids at the very least.

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Called it!

I’m just surprised it actually took Denise Richards three days to crawl out of the woodwork to try to make the “Charlie Sheen arrested on Christmas for domestic abuse” story about her. 

Careful there Denise, threatening to drag another’s skeltons out of the closet when you have your own hanging in there is always a risky move. 

If Charlie Sheen should be taken to task for anything, it’s that his actions have now given this wretch an opportunity to get back in the spotlight.

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On the View yesterday, during a discussion of the whole Tiger Woods debacle and the seemingly endless parade of  women that are coming forward with tales to sell, the topic turned to Skanky Ho #1 in all this, Rachel Uchitel.

Joy Behar made the crack “Uchitel she’s a hooker?” 

oh, SNAP.

Well!  Faithless Hussy isn’t about to take this lying down, which is surprising since that’s clearly how she does her best work.  In a statement released Thursday night, Faithless Hussy’s attorney, Gloria Allerd, said without a trace of  irony “This statement was very hurtful to Rachel because it is not true.  Even if the host said it in a joking way Rachel is not amused, because she values her reputation and her reputation has been damaged by this statement as it is completely false.”

Cue the sound of hysterical laughter.  What reputation does Faithless Hussy  have left to value/damage exactly?  If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it’s a skanky ho.

Hopefully, Behar responds in some unique way.

UPDATE – A spokesminion for the View issued an apology of sorts to Faithless Hussy this afternoon, saying in a statement, “Joy Behar made a play on Ms. Uchitel’s name.  This was intended as a joke. We sincerely apologize for the choice of words and for any misimpression the joke may have created.”

That’s about as good a “mea culpa” Faithless Hussy is going to get from camp Behar, me thinks.

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I was wondering when this part of it was going to start.

What with his mother-in-law being rushed to the hospital yesterday (it looks like it may have just been a panic attack or well orchestrated show to ensure her daughter takes him to the cleaners when she divorces him), and his name becoming synonymous with skanks, it look like Tiger Woods endorsements deals and ads are starting to get pulled.

US Magazine is reporting that the Gatorade Tiger Focus (mmm…tastes like adultery!) is being discontinued, although PepsiCo Inc, who own Gatorade, say the decision was made prior to Tiger’s car crash.  A spokesminion for the company says that their relationship with Tiger Woods will continue and they look forward to seeing him on the golf course instead of the tabloids once he’s recovered.

Advertising site Bloomberg reports that marketers have pulled all of the golfer’s ads (like his endorsement of Gillette), from network TV and 19 cable channels.  Apparently, none have been shown over the past few days, with the last time one being aired on November 29th.  

With nine alledged mistresses all claiming to have played with Tigers putter, it sort of brings new meaning to the tag line, “The best a man can get” doesn’t it?  Sorry, I couldn’t resist.  I wonder if sporting giant Nike will stand by their man and just wait for this all to eventually blow over?

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How long do you think it will be before some enterprising individual comes out with a line of “I slept with Tiger Woods” T-shirts, if they haven’t already, or Sesame Street produces a skit involving Count Von Count (“I see nine!  Nine skanky hos!  Ha Ha Ha!”)?  

With a confirmed seven skanky hos claiming to have had “relations” with Woods and apparently two more waiting in the wings (re: trying to sell their stories to the highest bidder), it looks like Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren, has finally had enough.  Word is from various sources she’s moved out while a small portion of her self respect and dignity remains. 

Woods still remains sight unseen, although apparently the mighty Opes is trying desperatley to get him to come onto her show.  Can you imagine the ratings she’ll get if she’s successful?  Tiger should appear on Oprah, if for no other reason than to get a chance to tell his side of the story, the  skanky ho’s have certainly all had a chance to tell theirs.

One other thing, one of the hos claims to have pics of Tiger’s bits and is trying to sell them to Playgirl.  All class, huh?  Then again, maybe that was part of the appeal.  Some people get turned on by trash.  Playgirl spokesminion Daniel Nardicio says that they’re trying to figure out if the pics are actually that of Tiger or just some literal dick.

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It’s been a hell of a few days for Tiger Woods.

First those pesky police kept wanting to have a chat with him and the Mrs about the car crash.  He refused to see them so many times that there was talk of a warrant being issued.  In the end, no criminal charges will be filed, although Woods might be fined $164 for taking out the fire hydrant and tree.  The police consider the incident now closed. 

If only.  Silly Tiger, feeding the frenzy by avoiding the situation instead of facing it head on only fuels the speculation and rumour mill.  Woods also dropped out of the Chevron World Challenge earlier this week “due to his injuries”.  He also updated his website, saying there would be no more appearances for the rest of the year.

Now comes word that another woman has come forward with text messages, voice-mails and photos claiming of an affair with the 33 year old golf pro.  The latest is a 24 year old LA cocktail waitress named Jaimee Grubbs, who was also part of Vh1′s Tool Academy.  Insert joke here.  I think I’ll nickname her Faithless Hussy Jr, or FHJ for short.  Anyway, FHJ skipped over to US Magazine to say her affair with Tiger started in the spring of 2007 and that they did the deed a total of 20 times.  At least we know she can count.

As for the original Faithless Hussy (Rachel Uchitel), she’s pulling the victim card in all this, saying since last Friday when Tiger had his crash that she never had an affair with Woods.  In an “exclusive” interview with the New York Post she went on the defensive calling the women who sold the story to the Enquirer “drugged up“, “stupid“, “liars” and “hookers“.  The tabloid begs to differ though, saying Faithless Hussy was in on their story.  Faithless Hussy tried to go for sympathetic route, telling the NYP she feels terrible about Tiger’s family and for what went down.  I just bet she does.  She saw what happened to him and realized that Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren, doesn’t mess around.  Faithless Hussy has also hired some hotshot entertainment lawyer to represent her interests in all of this.  Want to bet her story changes yet again, in the space of a week?

With the US Magazine story about to hit, and apparently Radar Online bringing Faithless Hussy numbers 3 and 4 out of the woodwork, Tiger had better hide all the golf clubs and blunt instruments in the house.

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Bet they’re only finished if her attempt at going solo fails to take off. 

Page Six is reporting that the rest of the Pussycat Dolls aren’t on speaking terms with lead singer Nicole Sherzinger and haven’t had any contact with her for several months.  Oh no. Say it isn’t so!  Where will we get our fix of scantily dressed female singers dressing provocatively?  That’s so uncommon in the music industry these days.

Apparently, a source claims it’s “war” and that the rest of the Dolls feel that Sherzinger, who’s working on a solo album, ”stole the limelight and has now gone off to do her own thing.”  Translation: Typical girl group (or boy band) behavior, the real talent within the group uses whatever success as a springboard for a solo career, leaving the other more superfluous members behind and feeling bitter.

The groups label, Interscope, insists that the Dolls are just on a break.  The Pussycat Dolls had two major hits over the past year with “When I Grow Up” and “I Hate This Part” a song about ending a relationship. Wonder if any of the Dolls see the irony here?

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Then again, she has a sex tape that’s being released by Vivid Entertainment that she needs to drum up interest in, and he’s a pretty boy on a CW show trying to prove…what exactly?  Read on…

The 39 year sex tape star, who looks like the mutated offspring of an ill fated pairing between a blow up sex doll and Cruela De Vil, told Star Magazine she popped the Gossip Girl star’s cherry when he was an 18 year old college freshman 7 years ago.  Apparently Sands, who was 32 at the time, and freshly divorced from Lorenzo Lamas, was trolling college parties in the Malibu area looking for chicken. 

Sand goes on to say that “he was so beautiful” she “immediately fell in love with him” and that “Chace was inexperienced” blah blah blah ”trembling” blah blah “sunshine” blah.  Interestingly, the article says that Chace and Shauna’s relationship, which lasted about a year, was supposed to be secret. 

Which I take means in this instance that one party was willing to hit it with the other party from time to time, just so long as the other party kept it on the down low and didn’t act like they knew the first party if they saw them out in public or in the company of others.  Sands claims she and Crawford ran into each other at a nightclub in LA a couple of years ago, and had sexy-times together to squash those gay rumours that follow him everywhere for old times sake.

If anything could cause a guy to switch teams, it would be Shauna Sands.

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