Weird how these things happen in threes.  After the Courtney Cox/David Arquette story, word came out that Ben Harper left Laura Dern (don’t care/didn’t post). 

Today it was revealed by UsWeekly that Christina Aguilera and her husband Jordan Bratman have called it quits (they met in 2002, marrying three years later and have a two year old son).  Christina told celebrity ass-kisser People that “Although Jordan and I are separated, our commitment to our son Max remains as strong as ever.”

Apparently, Christina and Jordan have been seperated for several months and are working on financial and custody arrangements.  Hasn’t been her year has it?  Single bombs, disappointing album sales, a cancelled tour, and now this. 

Maybe Burlesque will turn things around for her (ahem). Cue countdown for rumours about Christina and co-star Cam Gigandent in 5…4…3…

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Is anyone actually buying this relationship? 

The only thing I can think Joe is asking Ash in this photo is something along the lines of “OMG, whoever does your hair is a genius!”  or “When do I get to meet Taylor Lautner again?”

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To the surprise of no-one, the geriatric crooner and worlds most awkward dancer since Kate Gosselin was given his walking papers tonight in a clear cut case of self defense for that mess that was supposed to be a jive.  It’s been downhill for Michael ever since he cut his hair.

In other DWTS news, turns out the audience was booing at the score given to Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough for their performance and not at Mama bear Sarah Palin (or at least that’s how it was edited to look/hear).

What makes this all the more interesting is that ABC went to the trouble of trying to clear up any question about it.  Looks like someone at the network wants to keep the Palin clan happy.  Do they know something we don’t?

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Does she honestly think anyone’s buying this?

In a totally staged publicity stunt suggested by her business manager, Lindsay dropped by a homeless shelter in LA last night, meeting some of the kids that were there, handing out purses from her clothing line, taking pictures, and signing autographs.

Of course she Tweeted about her altruistically motivated visit, writing “What a great place The Dream Center is here in LA… had a nice time there today, it’s so important to give back. I feel blessed.”

Sickening right?

Guess Lindsay is going to be trying to rack up as many brownie points between now and her hearing in October to avoid jail time, which may even include a “voluntary” stint in rehab. 

Right.

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Jesse Eisenberg (Mark Zuckerberg), Andrew Garfield (Eduardo Saverin) and Justin Timberlake (Sean Parker) strike a pose at last night’s after party for the New York Film Festival premiere of The Social Network.

The movie’s generating all kinds of positive buzz, including (shockingly) JT’s performance.  Great.  Like he wasn’t egotistical enough before.

Meanwhile, the real Mark Zuckerberg, in a totally non-PR unrelated move to counter the negative portrayal of him in the movie, appeared on Oprah yesterday to donate $100 million to the Newark school system (there’s been much yammering on Oprah lately about how the little darlings need good schools and education) which is totally totally a coincidence, both Mark and Oprah swear!

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 The cast member of ABC sap fest Brothers & Sisters is now back together with his family of four kids and wife Rosetta, after spending much of 2008 puplically screwing around with village bicycle and sometimes actress Sienna Miller.  Sienna eventually broke it off with Balty, going through another couple of guys before hooking up again with Jude Law last year.  Long story short. 

Now Balty and his wife have been interviewed in Harper’s Bazaar, qouted as saying, “Here’s the bottom line: It was a very challenging time for everybody involved. But I loved and missed my family too much not to make it work. Rosetta is understanding enough and spiritual enough to let us try.”

Bitch, please.  “Understanding and spiritual” my ass.

Balty is a Getty.  Getty money obviously trumps Getty indescretions.  Rosetta probably decided that a new fall wardrobe, jewels, car, vacation, and pretty much any damn thing she wants for the foreseeable future makes her very public humiliation that much easier to swallow.

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Why be the person your betrothed fell in love with when you can be someone else?

Taking the premise of The Swan, that sh*t reality show were sociopaths competed to get a makeover complete with plastic surgery, and current trainwreck Bridezilla (which probably makes some future grooms want to cancel while declaring, “I’m not gay but I’ll learn.”), this latest contribution to the downfall of western civilization from E! will give women the chance to be “the perfect bride” competing in various wedding themed challenges to win “extensive surgical procedures”. 

Sounds lovely. 

The winner (if you can call her that) will get a “dream wedding” where she reveals her new look to the wedding party and groom.  In a statement, E! says, “Viewers will witness his emotional and possibly shocked reaction as they stand at the altar and he lifts her veil to see her for the first time following her extreme plastic surgery.”

Yeah, nothing says “til death” like showing up to your wedding with a new face, tits, and ass, possibly causing chaos in the process.

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The big question is why?

Normally I don’t pay attention to the bottom feeding tabloids, as their stories are usually about as real as an episode of The Hills.  However, the response from the people involved with the last story about them seems to have prompted Star Magazine to come up with a full size cover story this time around. 

This is going to get good, I can tell.

Earlier in the month, Star Magazine reported that some anonymous eyewitness saw Ashton Kutcher stepping out on Demi Moore with a blonde piece, having a full make-out session of the bathroom of a restaurant/club in LA.  Highly unlikely, right?

Ashton got on his Twitter account, denying the whole thing and alluding a lawsuit might be in the works.  Then Demi got in on the act, echoing his Tweets and posting a picture of herself in a bikini as if to ask “who in their right mind would step out on this?”

Sidenote – to quote Bill Maher, “men want new sex (that is, sex with new people) the way women want new shoes” (except for us gays, who want both).  Sure you have a perfectly good pair at home that will fulfill your needs, but anyone who’s taken psychology or economics will tell you wants are stronger than needs.  Just sayin…

Anyway…back on topic.   Guess Ashton’s lawyer didn’t agree as there’s been no word of a lawsuit (you just know TMZ would be on that the moment papers are filed).  Now it looks like Star has taken this as either a sign of weakness or open season on Demi and Ashton’s relationship, with a new cover story saying Ashton stepped out on Demi with yet another woman, some 21 year old skank that says they did the deed in the couple’s living room.  Classy.

As they say, the ball is in Ashton and Demi’s court now.

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This is one of the best kind of “don’t you know who I think I am?” kind of stories.

Late yesterday afternoon, Gawker posted a story from a reader who was on the same flight from New York to LA as Minka Kelly (Friday Night Lights, Derek Jeter of the New York Yankees main squeeze).  

Apparently, Minka had an epic meltdown prior to take-off because they wouldn’t let her dog sit beside her on the seat. (It’s a standard rule dogs under 20lbs can fly in the cabin but must be under the seats during take-off/landing and then only if there’s room). 

According to the tipster, Minka got on her cell phone to call Jeter, then passed the phone to the pilot to speak to him directly. It took several flight attendents to eventually calm her down.  Word is crisis was averted when a passenger in coach switched spots Minka.

After the report surfaced, Inside Edition showed up at LAX to wait for the starlet, while her lawyer Marty Singer, slammed Gawker, saying Minka never freaked out or called Derek Jeter, and that it was her management she contacted as they made the travel arrangements, with the understanding the dog was to travel first class with her. 

Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

Because the first thing you do when an false story about your bitchy sense of entitlement (the stuff of legend on the set of Friday Night Lights) makes the rounds is to get your high end pit-bull of a lawyer involved.

And people wonder why Derek Jeter is having such a bad season.

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Didn’t Kanye already apologize to Taylor Swift last year after interrupting her at acceptance speech at the MTV MVA’s and didn’t she accept the apology and move on?

Anyway, earlier today Kanye took to his Twitter as he has a tendency to do, unleashing a barrage of apologies over the incident, verging almost into parody.

Of course, Kanye also has a new album dropping soon and is going to be at the MTV Music Video Awards next Sunday.  Host Chelsea Handler says she wants Kanye and Taylor to reunite as well.  

Surely the tweets today are  just a coincidence.

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