Nothing says “who f*cked who?” more than than wearing a slight smirk on the cover of People Magazine as a way to celebrate your $100 million dollar windfall from your philandering husband that you just divorced.

In an exclusive (that word certainly gets tossed around a lot) interview Elin Nordegren talks about the past nine months and what she’s been through.  To summarize: Blah blah blah, “been through hell”, blah blah, “embarrassed” blah “stronger”.  She forgot to mention $100 million or so richer, but that would have been crass.

No word if Elin’s planning on doing televised interviews (you just know Barbara Walters, Oprah and Larry King are all chomping at the bit), or if this is a one shot deal.  Now we now why the settlement took so long.  Tiger and his team proabably wanted a gag order in place like the one for Faithless Hussy, but Elin wanted the chance to turn the screws a little tell her side.

Tweet This Post

All it cost him was a rumoured $100 million in alimony and joint custody of the kids.

According to People, who received a joint statement via Elin Nordegren’s lawyer, the pair have finally finalized their divorce.  In a nutshell, blah blah blah ”sad the marriage is over”, blah blah, “two wonderful children”, blah “amicable discussions”, blah.

So to all gold-digging, skanky hos, cocktail waitresses and porn stars out there, congrats!  Tiger’s all yours for the taking if you still want him.  Although something tells me the bloom will be off the rose a bit now that the potential blackmail factor has been taken out of the picture.

Tweet This Post

“> 

Tiger Woods’ ad for Nike, where his deceased father is speaking to him using audio from a 2004 interview, was ripe for parody given it’s serious tone.

Now comes the ad with Christian Bale’s infamous rant from the set of Terminator: Salvation a couple of years back.

Brilliant.  (Bale’s never going to live that down is he?)

BTW Tiger ended up finishing fourth overall, (disapointing but hardly a fail)and says he’s now going to take a “little time off to reevaluate things“. 

What?  Already??  Didn’t he just get back?

Tweet This Post

Despite, or maybe because of, attempts from attention seeking skanky ho’s and practical jokers with far too much time and money on their hands (see photos  below), Tiger seemed more focused on his return to the game that made him famous (and very, very rich). ,

Tiger was greeted with loud round of applause and got off to a great start at the Masters Tournament yesterday in Augusta Georgia to finish the first day with a four under par round of 68 and tieing for 7th place (so far).

After the Masters this weekend, next on the agenda will be getting those lucrative endorsement deals back.  You just know marketing department heads are watching and analyzing peoples reaction to Tiger’s return (and vice versa).

Tweet This Post

“>

The voice is Tiger’s deceased father, Earl.

Perhaps this is supposed to be deep or meaningful, but it just comes across as weird and slightly creepy.  Did David Lynch direct this ad?

Enough with the apologies, the explanations, and the skanky hos trying to get rich and/or famous.

Just play golf.

Tweet This Post

…Or a thank you note for all the money she’s indirectly making off of him.

The latest client that the grand-standing lawyer is now representing isn’t a famewhoring skanky-ho, but a woman claiming to be Tiger Woods’ kindergarten teacher, Maureen Decker.

Sidenote:  When I first heard about this, I thought “Damn.  Tiger started young”, until the details of the teacher’s beef emerged.

About five years ago, Woods provided a story for a book about racisim in which he claims on his first day of school he was the victim of racist bullies.  Tiger says he was tied to a tree and the kids (grade six students) wrote the N word on him with spray paint and then threw rocks at him.  Tiger says the only thing his teacher did about it was to advise him to outrun the bullies back home.

However, Decker says this never happened (at least under her watch).  Rather than come out of the woodwork right after this story first saw the light of day (which would be logical), she waited until Tiger’s credibility took a hit and hired Gloria Allred to represent her, which isn’t suspicious at all.

In her statement during their press connference (yes, it’s actually come to this) Decker said “I am asking Tiger for a private and public apology to put my mind at ease and set the record straight“.

Decker also blames Tiger for her migraines, high blood pressure and colitis.

Riiiiiiiiiight.  

Nothing puts the mind more at ease than a big settlement to shore up your retirement fund given during a “private apology” enginered by your lawyer.  Just ask Faithless Hussy (aka Rachel Uchitel), another Gloria Allred client.

Tweet This Post

Guess four months away from the game he loves (and the squillions it pays him), is a long enough of a break for Tiger Woods as he confirmed on his website earlier today that he will be playing at The Masters championship this April.

“The Masters is where I won my first major, and I view this tournament with great respect.  After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I’m ready to start my season at Augusta.  The major championships have always been a special focus in my career and I think Augusta is where I need to be, even though it’s been awhile since I last played.  I have undergone almost two months of therapy, and am continuing treatment. While I’m returning to competition, I still have a lot of work to do in my personal life”

Translation?  Sorry I got caught with my pants down, but I’m sick of it being brought up at every opportunity.  Time to build a bridge and get over it.

As The Masters is televised, this will probably be one of the most watched in the event’s history as people (and potential sponsors) tune in to see if Tiger’s still “got it”.

If he wins, expect all to be forgiven, on the golf course, in the boardrooms, and possibly even on the home-front. 

Everybody loves a winner, baby!

Tweet This Post

It would have saved her a lot of grief.

As for PETA’s ad itself, there’s no way any media company that owns billboards is going to let this appear on one of their properties and have a potentially expensive lawsuit on their hands.

Much like the infamous Mancrunch TV spot that was submitted (and rejected) for the Superbowl, PETA ensures it’s message is picked up via various media outlets (like this one) that mention the story without actually buying any advertising space. 

Crafty.

Tweet This Post

Unbeliveable. 

Gloria Allred and one of the Skanky Ho’s that Tiger Woods was hitting it with (at this point it, the question should be more along the lines of “who hasn’t he been hitting it with?” as it would be easier) actually gave their own press conference while Tiger was giving his on the background behind them on a TV.

What a pair of leeches.

Crocodile tears flowed as Skaky Ho # Whatever (aka Joseyln James the porn star) boo-hoo-hooed her way through it when she realised no one was really paying attention to her and were all focused on the action behind her.  The Lesson here?  Never have a far more interesting subject matter (in her case that could include moldy wallpaper) than yourself in a room when giving a press conference. 

Skanky Ho # Whatever is also claiming that Tiger impregnated her twice and is demanding an apology.  For what?  Her totally failing in gold-digging?  Cue the countdown for a lawsuit of some sort as soon as she and Allerd can cook something up that won’t be immediately thrown out of court.

Clearly unfamilar with the concepts of irony or hypocrisy, Gloria Allred said “Today, this was not an apology.  It was a staged public relations stunt”.

Well, duh.

Tweet This Post

With about as much fanfare and interest as the Oscars or the Superbowl Tiger Woods held his press conference this morning.

It went something like this…

“Blah blah blah, my fault, blah blah, rules, values, morals, blah blah, deeply sorry, blah, my foundation, blah blah blah, paps suck, blah blah, Buddhism, blah, might return to golf, blah blah, Thank you.”

Cue eyeroll.

Apparently, he’s on a week’s leave before going back to rehab for further treatment of sex addiction. 

Not sure if I buy the whole sex addiction thing .  Notice how none of the people who claim to suffer from it are ever addicted to having sex with just their significant other (causing problems in itself), but multiple partners, and only claim to suffer from it after they get caught stepping out.  While the behaviors involved might be troubling, this doesn’t necessarily make them addicts so much as just not orientated towards monogamy, a major no-no in much of North-American society whose roots can be traced back to the Puritans (the 17th century version of the religious-right).

How fast do you think it’ll take for one of the skanky hos he hit it with to either issue a press conference of their own or to appear on a tabloid TV show?

Tweet This Post