That’s it. I quit! (Ok, not really).

According to TMZ, the doctors at the UCLA Medical Center where Lindsay is staying for treatment have confirmed that not only is Lindsay NOT a drug addict, she also doesn’t have ADHD.

Apparently, doctors feel Lindsay was misdiagnosed and shouldn’t never have been taking Adderall.  They’ve successfully weaned Linds off her prescription drug cocktail which included Ambien, Dilaudid,  Zoloft,  Trazadone as well as the aforemention Adderall, and say that while she does have her issues, she’s not bi-polar or a threat to herself. 

Word is they’re going to recomend that Lindsay be released sometime early next month and continue to be treated on an out-patient basis.

Colour me shocked.

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She’s probably wondering why she didn’t think of this particular road to famewhoring herself before, since it’s gotten her what she craves the most, exposure in the media.

Anyway, someone had the bright idea of having Tila Tequila sing at the 11th annual gathering of the Juggalos in Illinois over the weekend.

Juggalos are the hard core fans of the rap group Insane Clown Posse.  Need I explain more?  Once Tila came onstage to “perform” she apparently was hit repeatedly with bricks, fire-crackers, beer bottles and poo.  MC Tom Green did his best to distract the Juggaros, but having smelled blood in the proverbial water, they ignored Green for Tila.  Apparently, members of the ICP warned Tila things could go badly for her beforehand, “but she didn’t care”. 

Tila arrived back at LAX today, batterd and bruised, but not bowed.  After all, what are a few cuts and bruises when you get to make the interview circuit, TMZ, E!, Radar playing the victim card?  She hasn’t had this much press since her fake pregnancy then adoption last winter.

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Charlie Sheen must have great lawyers.

According to TMZ, under a plea bargain agreement with the DA’s office for that altercation in Denver last Christmas with his wife, Brooke Mueller, Charlie has been sentenced to 30 days in the Promises rehab facility in Malibu, where he’s already been in for a month. 

Charlie must also complete three months probation and show proof that he has completed 36 hours of counseling.  Charlie is also being credited for time already served, meaning he’s already completed his stint at Promises.

You just know that somewhere out there, Dina Lohan is fuming that Lindsay didn’t get similar treatment.

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After serving a whopping thirteen days of a ninety day sentence due to over-crowding (how did she ever survive?), Lindsay Lohan was released from the Lynwood Correctional Facility this morning at 1:30AM PST.  

Apparently Linds was ushered out the back and sent via SUV to the UCLA Medical Center, where she will be treated for both psychological and addiction issues under the watchful eye of the LA County Probation Department for the next three months.

Originally, Lindsay was supposed to go to a different rehab treatment facility, but Judge Marsha Revel felt that the UCLA Medical Center’s facilities will have tighter controls in place.

No word yet on Lindsay’s first post prison interview (who it will be with or what she’s going to get for it) but smart money says it’ll likely either be with Diane Sawyer on 20/20, or Larry King on Live.

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Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Filming has just started on K-Town, described as a Asian-American version of Jersey Shore (oh dear Lord, why? WHY???!) that will focus on 8 “roomates” doing in LA’s Korea Town what our favorite group of juiced up Guideos and Guidettes did just a few short months ago (make total asses of themselves on TV).

The cast (from left to right) includes Young Lee, Jennifer Field, Joe Cha, Scarlet Chan, Violet Kim, Peter Le (rumoured to be a porn star, and K-Town’s version of The Situation), Steve Kim, and Jasmine Chang.

Although the series hasn’t been picked up by a network as of yet, it’s probably only a matter of time.  Besides, we need more reality television (insert eyeroll), and MTV needs to find something to fill the void left by The Hills.

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With yet another tape just being released by the folks over at Radar (how long before they sell them as a series?) of Mel huffing and puffing in between screaming and swearing at Oksana over something or other, and a statement at People regarding Mad Mel (“he’s doing as well as can be expected”), the lines in this drama are being drawn and people are starting to take sides.

Whoopi Goldberg was taken to task for having the audacity to suggest that knowing Mel, in her opinion, she doesn’t think he’s a racist on The View Monday, and then suggesting that Oksana’s motives might be monetary yesterday. 

SHOCKING!  

Never mind the fact that as a woman of color that you’d think Whoopi would be able to ascertain for herself if Mel is a racist (as she pointed out this morning), or that when we get mad at others and are by ourselves (or with our significant other) we might use words we’d never say in the company of those who could get offended by them. 

People say dumb things sometimes, and some people (like racists) say dumb things quite frequently.

As for Mad Mel, he supposedly went on the record some time ago that he’s bi-polar and manic depressive (never mind a mean and violent drunk), so while this doesn’t excuse his behavior, it certainly helps explain some of it. 

 The fact of the matter is couples fight sometimes (although violence is never excusable).  Having tapes of portions of conversations released without getting the benefit of the context means people are weighing in on a situation without all the relevant information. 

Cue countdown for Mad Mel’s spokesminion to release a statement saying that he’s going to rehab and seeking professional help.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

This just made my morning. 

According to Radar, even though she was one of the higher profile celebrities (which says it all) for the current season of Dr Drew’s infamous exersise in schadenfreude, word is the good Doctor realized that Tila’s main problems are that  (A) she’s addicted to attention and (B) is bat-sh*t crazy.

Apparently, the final straw for the good doctor was when Tila blamed her alter-ego “Jane” for cutting and burning her arms.  Realizing he was in way over his head with this one, Dr Drew had her tossed out, free to terrorize LA once again with her famewhoring shenanigans.

No word if how or if this will affect production of Celebrity Rehab, or if they plan on replacing Tila with a less trainwrecky trainwreck.

Cue countdown for one of Tila’s patented online tirades against Dr Drew in 5…4…3…

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Battered but not bowed!  Is there anything worse than a summer cold (except maybe when it turns into the flu)?  But enough about my probs…

Lindsay’s are just beginning.  Since new info about Linds pops up online every couple of hours, I thought I’d round up what’s been happening in the past 24.

After the verdict, Lindsay bailed on her own birthday bash, instead opting to stay at home, where she was visited by Kim Kardashian, clearly feeling that she hadn’t been mentioned in the news enough lately, and chose this as her way of inserting herself into the picture.  This woman needs to write a book on famewhoring.  She’s a master at it.

Apparently, Linds plans to appeal the sentence of  90 days in jail followed by madatory 90 days in rehab handed down to her by Judge Marsha Revel earlier this week.

However, it’ll be a different council as Lind’s lawyer quit that bitch yesterday.  Whether it was the “f*ck u” painted on Lindsay’s middle fingernail, her statement that “I’m not going to jail” afterwards, her plans to appeal, or the fact that she probably has no real means to pay her legal fees remains unclear.  Lindsay’s new lawyer is just that, having passed the bar exam only eight months ago.  What’s that old saying?  You only get what you pay for? 

Speaking of paying for things…Lindsay is well aware that she’s going to be a hot commodity on the interview circuit once she’s sprung from the clink.  Word is she’s not even considering any interview requests unless they cough up at least a cool $1 million.  You just know she’ll totally get it.  Why is beyond me since everyone knows everything, and her parents won’t charge nearly that much to be interviewed, which leads us to….

Stage mother extraordinaire and Carvel ice cream grifter Dina Lohan will be appearing on  Entertainment Tonight in an “exclusive” (insert eyeroll) segment this evening where she’ll bitch about Lindsay’s unfair treatment at the hands of the legal system.  Oh, boo hoo! 

Meanwhile, her useless father Michael has also been busy making the rounds on the tabloid television circuit, blaming Dina for everything, all the while expressing concern for Lindsay (who he has no trouble selling out for a cheque everytime he can).

Finally, that now infamous ”f*ck u” painted on her middle finger was of course a joke, according to Lindsay, clearly worried that she could be found in contempt of court now that her little message to the Judge has been made public.  

Whew.  I’m exhauseted typing all that out.

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Like once wasn’t enough?

According to  The NY Post, stage mother extraordinaire Dina Lohan is shopping around a new reality TV show that focuses on the entire Lohan family (except for ex-husband Michael, natch).

Dina says that filming has already begun, with cameras following around Lohan family members (which will include Lindsay, her schedule permitting) as they go about their daily routines.  Dina also says that she’s “discussing a deal with a major network”.

Pffffft.  Sure she is.

Dina’s last attempt at reality TV, E!‘s Living Lohan, got cancelled after just nine episodes in 2008.  Lindsay didn’t particiapte at all, so puiblic interest in the series was so-so to begin with (Dina originally promised E! that Lindsay would be part of it).  An exercise in tedium,  the only thing accomplished was to demonstrate what a talentless, entitled brat youngest daughter Ali is, pretty much deep-sixing any chance she had of breaking into show business (the series’ main focus).

Can’t see how this new show of Dina’s will get picked up (or be any more successful than the last one if it does), but with Lindsay’s supposed guaranteed involvement this time, it might find an audience.

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…World falls off axis.

Giving her bragging rights (trust, she will about this) Lindsay’s pee pee test came back clean for sweet, sweet, booze after her SCRAM device went off at an MTV Movie Award after party.

Lindsay’s lawyer says her client doesn’t know what triggered it.  Dina Lohan had said someone had spelt a drink on Linds at the party, while Lindsay got herself interviewed by Star Magazine to bitch about all the lies that have been told about her and how it’s hurting her career. 

What?

Either her SCRAM anklet is on the fritz or Lindsay’s figured out a way to over-ride it and pass her tests.  Do they do body cavity searches before she goes into the washroom to do her business?  If not, they way want to start.

Lindsay’s court date for parole violation is July 6th.

UPDATE – Not so fast!  Check this update from Radar that says Lindsay’s “alcohol level ranged from .03 to .04 from midnight to 3 a.m on June 6, during the hours after the MTV awards.” According to a source close to the situation: “There was absolutely no doubt that Lindsay was drinking, and the report that the alcohol monitoring service provided to Judge Revel was very detailed and extremely reliable. The (SCRAM) report also says that Lohan’s SCRAM bracelet had indeed been tampered with, and this is one of the reasons that Judge Revel determined that Lindsay violated terns of her bail.”

Ooooo… the plot thickens (not really)!

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